Words are Power - When to Speak up and When to Let it Go?

Words are power. When used well it can inspire a nation, change a life and make the world a better place.

But at the same time, words also have the power to destroy a person, corrupt the world, and disturb the tranquility and sense of well-being of others.????????????????????????????????????????????

A very important quality that every individual must continuously develop and hone is when and how to speak up and most importantly when to stay silent and let it go. This is very crucial for leading a happy life and building great relationships.

I have typically found that we must apply four filters before reacting to a situation and expressing ourselves.

The first filter when we start speaking is, to ask ourselves; “Are we speaking the TRUTH?”

We must always speak the truth no matter the consequences. While this might sound cliché, I have seen many individuals speak the truth most of the time but not ALL the time. This must be avoided at all costs.

And if we don’t want to speak the truth we should rather stay silent instead of speaking a lie.

The question we must ask ourselves is; “Are we truthful in every situation, in every circumstance, and at every point in time?”

Because when we speak something which is not true, our mind is constantly feeling guilty. Even though we might have gotten away with the lie, our minds will constantly remain perturbed or fearful. We will keep on worrying that the lie we have spoken, however trivial will be uncovered one day. It is just not worth the time and energy.

So we need to promise ourselves that whenever we speak we should always speak the truth and do so 100% of the time and not stop or be content at 99%.

The second filter before we start speaking is to question ourselves; “Are we GENTLE in our choice of words, when we speak?”

Even when we speak the truth our words need to be gentle. Our righteousness in correcting something or speaking the truth does not give us the right to be harsh. Just because we strongly feel that we are correct, does not give us the authority to speak harshly to somebody. We can speak the truth but let's also make it a habit to convey it gently so as not to hurt another individual’s self-esteem.

A great example of speaking the truth but being firm and gentle can be understood by reading the autobiography of our Father of the Nation, Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi. Mr. Gandhi in his book, “My experiments with truth”; enumerates numerous situations wherein even when the situation was very tough, Mr. Gandhi always spoke his mind, always spoke the truth, and spoke it in a very gentle, understanding, and empathetic fashion.

And many times in his book he recalls various incidents where he had to have very tough conversations with his wife, his family, his party, or with Britishers. But he always spoke in an amicable tone.

This is because the moment we are harsh it is going to again play on our minds. This will ultimately lead to us feeling miserable and very upset about ourselves and the way we behaved with others. So it is very important that while we speak the truth we speak it in a very soft and gentle tone.

I have seen parents who are sometimes harsh with their children. ?Children are very impressionable, so whenever we are making them understand what is right or what is wrong we need to be very gentle and soft in our tone. No one, not even parents have the right to be rude or insensitive in their way of handling kids.

Another very important aspect while speaking the truth is when we give feedback as leaders to our subordinates. Feedback should not be given in such a way that the person receiving the feedback completely loses his or her self-confidence. At the same time not giving constructive feedback or even worse, giving false praises when none was due, leads to the loss of a leader’s credibility over time, and must be avoided.

On this topic, it is not just important to give the right feedback to our team but equally important when giving feedback to our bosses. And if we don’t agree to something, we must be bold enough to speak the truth and show the mirror, but do so tactfully and gently. ?

The third important filter which we must ask ourselves is; “Even if we are speaking the truth gently, is our INTENTION to do good, especially to the person to whom we are speaking?”

Our words and actions must always be for the welfare of society. Sometimes, people hesitate when they are not sure how the person at the receiving end will handle it, and hence end up not speaking up and having difficult conversations. The third filter will help us become straightforward and not lose sight of the big picture. ?

The last filter is to ensure that whatever we say, it should NOT DISTURB the tranquility and peace of mind of the person to whom we are speaking and the environment.

Now, this is an important but often difficult-to-use filter, as many times it will be in direct conflict with the third filter. Also, not everyone shares the same set of values and usually are at differing levels of maturity. We must also assess whether the person receiving our feedback is in the right frame of mind and would be able to handle it.

Hence we must make it a practice to continuously assess whether the person at the receiving end has the level of maturity and also has the right intent to receive our point of view and constructively make use of it. We don’t want to provide information to the wrong person who might take the feedback and use it against us or take the feedback and use it to cause harm.

Hence we must be careful not to disturb our sense of well-being and tranquility by offering advice when it is not invited or will not do any good. We must also assess the situation and whether it is worth speaking the truth to the person receiving it.

Sometimes there is no point and is not in our best interest to try and talk well to someone who is inherently untrustworthy. They will end up twisting the fact and creating a nuisance that will only end up hurting our cause. We are better off spending time elsewhere. The fourth filter will help us to save our creative energy, and protect our well-being. People with a negative or egoistic mindset don’t listen to others but try to emphasize their own beliefs which in turn results in negativity all around.

Hence next time instead of blaming the world and others of not being able to understand our point of view, we must ask ourselves; “Whether we rightly assessed the situation, whether we assessed the person appropriately before sharing our views”.

So to summarize, we must apply the four filters to make our communications more effective – Always speak the truth, convey things gently, with the right intention and ensure it does not end up disturbing the tranquility of the person receiving it and the world at large.?