Words Of Power That Matter

One cannot help but wonder how as adults, our self-image and relationship with others are greatly influenced by the extent to which we heard and experienced enough of those few words through our parents/caregivers, especially during times of falter:

“We love you no matter what”

Seemingly simple and and self-evident, they are what we essentially fetch for when engaged in a conversation with our close elders or when, as culprits or victims, an unfavorable incident befalls on us. In our young minds, those words are not only taken at face value. They effectively mean that we have a rightful place in this world. That we are seen and unconditionally accepted. That when mistakes happen, we can be reintegrated without having the stones of redemption cast at us.

Growing up deprived of that emotional fulfillment, creates a significant psychological void that is not easily compensated for. Doubtful of our true worth or what we deserve, many of us get involved in unequal and sometimes abusive relationships. We blindly give in the hope of earning a place in others’ lives and, wishfully, winning their affection. We constantly fish for nice words for validation. We refrain from demanding our rights and take in what other emotionally-balanced adults do not normally tolerate, because we cannot stand the chance of losing who we desperately attach ourselves with. We become harshly self-critical because we believe that being accepted by others is contingent on always being right and successful. To counter effect our childhood emotional deprivation, our adulthood becomes a constant struggle to feel seen and acknowledged.

This is not an invitation to rear spoiled children with an unwarranted sense of entitlement. It is a reminder that one key aspect in raising balanced, self confident, independent and actively contributing human beings lies in their emotional fulfillment as kids and the reassuring messages we embrace them with. That by virtue of being in this world, they are automatically granted a right of place. That while it comes with responsibilities and duties, they are undeniably worthy of respect. That in their journey to find their reason of existence in this life, they have the natural license to fall and rise, while still being warmly accepted and genuinely reincorporated. Having enjoyed unconditional fulfilling love in the closeness of their caregivers, they are also armored with the knowledge that affection from others is freely and selectively shared, not actively sought.

I learned that childhood emotional fulfillment is the pathway to adulthood emotional freedom. That the genuine words of affection we used to hear as we grow up are our bedrock on which we stand during times of self-doubt and confusion. A constant reminder of who we are and what we deserve. Those are the words that really matter and in their essence, lies their power.