Words That Matter
Tony Sloman
Transform the way you communicate in ‘high stake situations’ to have Confidence, Conviction & Clarity | CEO, Passion and Purpose | Inspiring Authentic, Influential leaders through our EMPOWER methodology
Welcome to the new Passion and Purpose ‘Insight-Letter’. We will share tips, strategies, reflections and observations on how to become a more confident communicator – when you are in high-pressure situations.
High-Pressure situations are when you feel like you are under the spotlight, being watched and judged. Under scrutiny. This is one-to-many communication; presenting, pitching, town halls, public speaking. For others it could be one-to-few communication; influencing important people, speaking up at meetings, interviews, assessments, being on camera, fronting up to a board meeting. The dynamics of each of these situations impact people in different ways.
Aside from what you can read on my LinkedIn profile, my purpose is to elevate others in these critical situations. Why? Because I have been through many of them myself, I continue to go through them and I know how to help.
I believe that being our natural, genuine, authentic self sells us more than anything we can imagine. The challenge is that being natural under the spotlight can feel very unnatural, so we need a process, a roadmap.
Introducing Our New Webinar Series
Webinar: ‘Overcome Communication Fear: Your 5 Step Roadmap to Conquer High-Pressure Situations’
In this free webinar on 21st August at 12pm (AEST) you will learn how to conquer ‘Communication Fear’, the first and most important emotion to navigate when it comes to building ‘communication confidence’ in high-stakes situations such as:
Reflection Tip
During a recent workshop, the participants were asked to deliver a bunch of short narratives to the rest of the group, culminating in a bigger presentation at the end of the day. The delivery is great practise and at the end of their presentations I provide targeted feedback for each participant, based on what I notice in their delivery style. I split the feedback into ‘what to keep’ and ‘what to change’. Simple. It is necessary to be specific and concrete in our feedback – because communication is such a personal and unique experience.
And yet, there are patterns that I have noticed over the years.
In this workshop, I noticed a pattern that has to be called out. I refer to it as ‘Diminishing Language’. This is words or phrases that diminish our confidence and the credibility that others perceive we have. It’s all about not wanting to be ‘seen’, exposed, or not wanting to stand out from the group. Not committing to owning our space. If we stand out, we are a target… waiting to be discredited – sent away from the tribe.
Some of them may be familiar to you:
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I’m sure you can think of other communication habits that get in your way. We all have them.
Let’s talk about John (not his real name), one of the participants. John didn’t realise he used the word 'absolutely'… absolutely all the time! He had been using it over 20 years. If I hadn’t pointed it out in the workshop, it would have been another 20 years. If you use a word like this as a ‘crutch’ it loses its importance. John now notices the word before he says it, takes a breath, pauses and chooses not to say it. That’s how to fix it:
1.??? Notice
2.??? Pause
3.??? Choose
Our choice of words – our language, describes who we are and how we think to the rest of the world. Assessments are formed by others based on our language.
Unless we become consciously aware of our language, we are blindsided, not knowing the impact we are having on others.
The key reflection for John and for the whole group - slow down. I get that this is easy to say when a whole group is watching you – because we want to get it over and done with. If that’s what we feel and we choose to reflect this feeling in our spoken communication – we will continue to diminish ourselves, rushing, indicating to others that we do not want to be there.
Humans don’t read minds – nobody really knows how dark or how light your thoughts are – unless you tell them.
Plant more time and space in your messages. You may need to reduce the content – and that’s fine. Focus on the ‘must-have’s’ and then the ‘nice-to-haves’.
It is a straightforward fix and if you persist – the rewards will show.
In our webinar series ‘The Confident Communicator’ we expand on this and more.
I hope you can join us on Wednesday 21st August, 12pm – 1pm (AEST) for our free webinar ‘Overcome Communication Fear: - Your 5 Step Roadmap to Conquer High-Pressure Situations.