Words Matter: How what we hear and think inform what we say
Words matter. We hear it all the time, but the significance of the statement extends well beyond the popular interpretation.
Words matter not only in the moment they are spoken but as the collective inventory of language they come to represent, one that informs how we experience ourselves and each other. Like bricks in a foundation, the words we hear, think, and say together form a structure in which we live, and a springboard for how we show up in interactions and relationships.
Words we hear
The words we hear early in life lead us to develop our sense of self, to form opinions and mindset, like guides that help us navigate the world around us. If we repeatedly hear words like you can, the structure evolves with strength and empowerment, filled with positive and purposeful thought patterns. Conversely, if we routinely hear words like you can’t, shouldn’t, or don’t dare, the structure could be left wanting, weak, one where curiosity and big ideas are stifled.
The possibilities are as infinite and unique as human fingerprints. An off-handed jab by an old manager about your tendency to be “dramatic” that discourages you from speaking truth in future confrontations. Or perhaps a colleague who suggests that your contributions in meetings are “idealistic” or “na?ve,” words that echo in your ear every time you have the urge to share ideas.
Hurtful or humiliating words are stored in the body and brain, like bits of information on a hard drive, and remain there, laying in the weeds until our stress response is triggered by a similar situation or interaction. To believe that such imprinting vanishes over time or can be summarily dismissed is not only na?ve but can hold us back from reaching our potential, from feeling good in our skin.
Still, we try to ignore unpleasant memories, maybe assuming that to do otherwise is immature and petty. But, on the contrary, understanding the parts of our past that continue to affect us is a powerful form of self-care that can enlighten us in the present. It is not an invitation to dwell or fixate, nor is it intended to assign blame or pass the baton of responsibility. Rather, the exercise allows us to take agency, to empower ourselves by tapping into the forces that have influenced us, to make choices that serve us better rather than falling prey to habits that don’t.
Words we think
This seminal foundation of words we hear forms the basis for a second layer of our language inventory-- the words we think, or the inner dialogue we create in our minds. Human beings are meaning-makers, driven to explain everything that happens whether armed with the requisite facts or not. The expression on the face of the bank teller, the driver that cuts us off on the highway, the co-worker who appears grumpy during the weekly meeting—these are but a few examples of situations that trigger our urge to fill in the blanks. And, once we spin our stories, we look for reasons to believe them—one of the myriad cognitive biases that we succumb to on a regular basis.
But the fact that we believe our own thoughts can be problematic. From a practical standpoint, it can lead to faulty assumptions and predictions that, in turn, can encourage us to choose thoughts and behave in ways that fuel misunderstanding, harm relationships, even foster resentment. All because we are operating under a cognitive shroud of our own making. From a neuroscientific standpoint, convincing ourselves that potentially fictional narratives are true strengthens corresponding neural pathways so that we become prone to similar thought patterns next time. Unlike feelings, which we cannot control, our thoughts are choices, and those choices can cause our brains to fire in ways that may not serve us well.
But here’s the good news: We can make different choices, adopt thoughts that serve us better, thereby strengthening different neural pathways.
领英推荐
Words we say
Finally, the words we hear and think fuel the words we say.
This isn’t a leap: If our early imprinting (words we hear) and inner dialogue (words we think) is laced with negativity, there’s a good chance we’ll mimic those dynamics in how we show up with others. Which makes understanding the potpourri of language running in the background of our brains critically important.
But like our brain’s wiring, the word banks we draw from are not intractable. With practice, we can renovate them, like a tired bathroom or kitchen. The upside is real: By adopting different language habits that align with the thoughts we would prefer to think, we can positively influence how we present ourselves to the world.
What it all means
Each of us has the power to effect real and positive change in the way we experience ourselves and others by understanding the framework of language that has influenced us over our lifetimes.
Read my latest Elephant Journal article in its entirety here.
Click HERE to become a subscriber to my WordBurger video series in which I share thoughts, ideas, and reflections meant to motivate, inspire, and entice you to look at things differently, maybe even spark curiosity about what’s possible. Exclusively for my subscribers, the videos are offered with the hope of providing a respite from the stresses of the day, a brief lift above the noise, and a nibble of positivity.