Words like sticks and stones.

Think of words that matter to you: do you call yourself québécois(e) or canadien(ne) - or both? Would you prefer if someone described you as being ignorant, or as uninformed? Were you being aggressive or were you triggered? Are you bossy or are you direct? Did you mansplain or were you just trying to explain? Was it a protest or a riot? Are they a terrorist or an activist? Are you an old person or an older person? Is your child handicapped or differently abled? Childish or childlike?

Language matters - nowhere do we know this better than ici au Québec. The words we use both express how we see the world - and affect the way we see the world.

Remember that children's poem: Sticks & stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me? Now we know that this is false: words can punch you in the gut, or wrap you in their embrace. They can make you feel safe or exclude you so profoundly that you feel it physically. Scientific studies show that feeling excluded triggers the same parts of the brain that are triggered when a person feels physical pain:

'As far as your brain is concerned, a broken heart is not so different from a broken arm.' - American Psychological Association

There is no stronger example of this than personal pronouns: for some of us they are tiny words we've never had to think about before, while for an increasing number of people they are personal identifiers, just like people’s names. What may seem silly to one person is fundamental to feeling seen for the other.

Maybe you don't understand what the fuss is about - it's ok to feel overwhelmed, the world is changing fast and we are all learning - but please read the beginning of this article again. This will help you understand why for a growing number of people - and many of your Gen Z employees - pronouns are about identity - while for you it is about curiosity.

''WHAT ABOUT THOSE OF US FOR WHOM THERE ARE NO WORDS?'' - Alok

So if you are trying to wrap your head around pronouns, here are some thoughts (because we're still learning too):

1. Start with yourself:

a) Learn what you can about gender pronouns online (great article here)

b) Notice your mind: do you have a need to know someone's gender, and if so, why? Does doing so actually impact your ability to communicate, or is it in fact, a desire? It's ok either way, but like many desires, we don't have to give in to them.

c) Practice letting it be, practice not knowing, practice accepting the person as they are, and practice gently noticing your own reactions to the discomfort this may engender.

d) Offer your pronouns while you learn: it's a small gesture for you, and an important signal to the other person that you are open to them. ''I use the pronouns she/her (for example) - may I ask which pronouns you prefer?''

e) Avoid asking someone which pronouns they use out of the blue - for some people this is like asking a stranger where they're from. It may be well intentioned, but it can put the spotlight on our perceived differences rather than on our desire to connect. As with all things, context matters.

2. If you get it wrong and offend the other person by mistake: do not mirror their frustration or anger. You may not like how they're responding to you, but remember that their reaction comes from a deep place, tied to their sense of self, whereas for you, it doesn't. Take a deep breath and try to be as gentle with them as you would like them to be with you: ''Hey, I seem to have gotten this wrong. I'm still learning. I'm sorry.''

Yes it's hard. But you're not alone.

Inclusive communication is very inclusive: it's hard for everyone.