Words From an Insecure Short Girl

I’m short. Like I mean, really short. 5’0 or 153 cm. I have always been short, so it’s all I’ve ever known. When I was 10 years old, I gave myself the nickname Shorty. I made sure everyone called me that. Perhaps it was a defense mechanism. If I identified with being short first, the bullies couldn't get to me and well, if you can’t beat them, join them. Surprisingly, it worked and as time went on, I actually didn't mind the nickname as much, that was until I finished school and wanted to be taken seriously.

I’ve heard countless short jokes made about me and to me throughout my life. I have been teased not only at school, but by family, friends, boyfriends and even co-workers. The sad truth is, I've heard more short jokes in the boardroom than I ever did on the playground. I’m sure the bulk of people don’t mean any harm by it and think it’s a bit of fun. Some people have called me cute, fun-sized and pocket rocket. It's not these comments that get to me, it's more the offensive comments, which I won't bother repeating. This all contributes to my insecurity from time to time, especially when I am around new environments.

I remember when I was on Tinder after being newly single after coming out of a long-term relationship. I was really worried to meet someone because they would see how short I was and think I was a munchkin. I get really uncomfortable around tall people and try to make sure I am not standing next to them, so they don't accentuate how short I really am. I’ve even felt so nervous going to job interviews in the past, because I worried they would take one look at me and not take me seriously because of my height. I’d always make sure I wear my highest, most appropriate heels I owned. I thought it was so unfair that I was being judged by something that I couldn't change, something that was handed to me by a genetic lottery. It would upset me and it felt like a constant battle to psych myself up in meeting new people. It was exhausting.

One day, my perception changed. I was in the bathroom at a bar when this beautiful, tall, model-looking, young woman came walking in. She turned to me, with despair in her eyes and said "I'm on a first date, are these shoes okay or is it making me look too tall?". I hadn't even realised until that moment that there was something as being "too tall". I realised she too had an insecurity just like me - except it was a tall girl insecurity. It made me realise, everyone must have their own personal insecurities they deal with.

I took a step back and reflected on what I was doing to myself. I was obsessing so much about my height that it would take away from the present moment. It took away from being the best person I could be at my job, my life and in my relationships. I worried that people would be thinking about how short I am that I avoided certain situations. It’s silly, because even if that were the case, I think now, who cares. Some people are short, some are tall. We are all different and have unique characteristics. 

I realise there are many people struggling with insecurities. The problem lies not with the insecurity itself, but with not knowing how to deal with them. At 35, only now have I become more comfortable with my height. These days I hardly take note when someone mentions my height. It's not really an issue for me anymore. I’m okay not to be in heels (with the exception of fancy occasions). I realised when I became okay with it, it really didn’t matter anymore. It was my thoughts that was placing importance on what people were saying and me interpreting it as good or bad. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there are times when my insecurities might creep up, but it's okay. I acknowledge them. I realise that they don't define me, they just make me human. We all have insecurities that we must face. What's your insecurity?

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