''Words''.

So what? They're just words. But why do words hurt us? Why do they mark us for ever? Especially when we are kids!? And why do we give them notice? We shouldn't, but we do that, more often than we should. And should all speak bad words? No, not all people should speak evil words. For instance, I should, for instance, give only blessings to others and not curses, cause I was born on Saturday and they say that a person who was born on Saturday what he/she says, it becomes a reality.

And, little George had warned not to get married and an Italian couple had advised me the same thing as George; not to get married. But I did it anyway and had an only son, who change the code to his pc and I had to call him and asked him to tell me and enter the net. And stay there only for an hour. AND, this moment I am very sad, cause I realised that my mom's memory starts fading away; I know that for a long time, but this evening I realise that she no longer remembers basic things about my life. The fact that I stayed home and raised my only son and I only left him to her half a day and one night and returned from Sparta the next day, due to an accident my husband had with his company car on his way there and had to leave him to her, is no longer in her memory. She only remembers that one day I left him and she told me a few minutes ago that she practically raised my only child and I couldn't pursuade her that she wasn't remembering correctly. And one day in my son's day cannot be counted as she raised my son.

And, that day I left him to my parents house, which was one floor under my house, a friend of hers came to see her and she told me that she has as a witness her friend R'ena, who saw her feeding my son on her sofa. And she believed what she said and her word is a bond and now I am a lier if I tell her otherwise. And that's the begining of Alzhimer. To remember one thing and believe that this was something that it was repeated in time over and over. Although it happened only once!

Where should I hide myself? What should I say when her memory is fructured and she believes this to that? This a wall that I have to face from now on and I have to deal with it on my own. Not to be hurt by her words, and say yes mom, you raised on your own my only son, because I let him with you, and I was going around sightseeing and working and looking at shop windows and buying clothes and going to salons and making my hair curly and dying them and do my nails hands and toes and going on trips and working late and living a dolce vitae like no other, because I was clever and have her to raise my only son. Well, I realised today that true is what you believe it's true and nothing else. She believes that she raised on her own my only child and can't made her think otherwise.

I'd like to use the f word but I restrain my tounge but my mind has already said it, anyway!

Words. She raised me, my grandma; her mother Eleni, raised me as well with my grandpa Christos and I was left to my aunt Sofia and cried all night, while she was out in my father's village, and I was also left with my grandpa when in a new years eve she went out. Why do I remember these moments in time? Because she wasn't there with me. She had me at a very young age, in her 20s and she was young and wanted to have fun and dance and go out in the night. Was that bad? No, it wasn't for her. Was that bad for me? Yes, it was, because I happen to grow up from my three years of age and remember her absence. That's why I took a vow that I broke, never to get married and then becasue I broke the first one, I took another, never to give up on my own child, but I did it that moment in time and she remembers it as a constant. I've never gone to a single dance that was taking place while I was in my husband's village every single summer ever since I got married. I heard the music and laughs from afar, because my late father's in law house was very hot and we all slept outside. (I write that down, because I've started doubted myself this evening and wanted to keep a record of what I did, in case I've started loosing my own mind; so this is for the future generations to read and learn.)

I had to spend ten years or 12, so as to manage to make the beds, without having a deep shy everytime I did it, because it was hot and I was sleepy and was slow in doing it. Nothing was easy and now I have to give her credit for this as well; to tell that she practically raised my only son. Well done mom. Thank you for doing it, while I was having a blast in my so easy going life doing nothing at all and letting you do all the hard work. Thanks a lot mom.

I am the world's biggest lier and laziest person that ever lived. AND the one thing that I thought that I had done on my own, is now not of my own, but due to her, it is her own job; raising my only son. Words. Yes, they do hurt, and as a matter of fact, they hurt even more when you listen to them by the mouth of your closest of your relatives; your own mom who breast feed me, because I wasn't allowed to do that to my only son, due to Hepatitis C and my deep depression I had during my pregnancy and after having my only son, up to six months when I realised what I had from a bbc documentary I watched on ERT1 on tv one day.

And here it comes this bad situation, that I 've heard many to describe, I see that hitting me sraight to my forehead and can't do nothing about it. She was always a strong headed woman and her word was a law.'' You are going to go to bed after lunch and I don't want to hear a sound from you.'' ''Do not interrupt me when I am talking to the phone or with a friend of mine or a relative at no circumstance.'' But she could kill easily who ever did bad or say a bad word for her children or anyone she cared about.

Now it's my turn to care about her. I wanted to go and work to achaikochorio, as a cook or as secretary, but firstly, they didn't answer to my email and secondly, this bomb with my mother has just exploded on my face this evening and I have to collect one by one my own pieces and get a hold in my emotions and hurt feelings, which were made due to her illness she doesn't realise she has. She knows that she forgets what my father bought from the supermarket; she remembers one thing; the cherries for instance, but forgot the cinammon he bought as well.

So fare well, my future professional life as a worker anywhere. I have to be stand by, once again, for her, this time.

Once upon a time, it was a young girl, who became a mother, raised her only son, became 52, unemployed for over 23 years and with no future job whatsoever; not due to coronavirus or unemployment that it is rising as we speak, but due to her duty to stay close to her mother who's starting loosing her memory, and she is only remembering vividly her younger age and making up her own memory at it suits her.

And they lived happily ever after.

4 minutes after half past seven. It's time to go out of the net and the platform, as my son advised me to do an hour ago, when he left the house.

TO BE CONTINUED.

Wish me luck and patience to endure what it comes ahead of me. STAY ALL SAFE.

Thank dear Lord for being a nobody, writing about me that noone gives a dime for my thoughts, because if I won't write it down this instant, I am going to be exploded by my emotions. This is dedicated to all children who grew up and became big children still at heart. :-)