A word about Childhood traumas
This is a topic I have been thinking about for a while. It is a touchy subject. If you think this doesn’t concern you, maybe you’ll find the courage to go through these thinking that you can help others. All things considered, it is good to know the basics. After a few years of unconscious research around the subject, I decided to write an article about the things I have collected this far. I hope they will be helpful for others working on subjects related.
As we all know, nobody is perfect. Meaning no one has had perfect parents/caregivers. Not having perfect people surrounding us in our childhood will directly result in nobody having a perfect childhood. The old saying goes, that it takes a village to raise a child. In other words, lots of different kinds of personalities and people, that a child can create lasting and trusting relationships. With the current busy life and constant changes around us, there aren’t so many children with that luxury. The heavy-duty is given to a few (or in worst case one) adults, making the possibility of childhood traumas even more probable.
Even one good enough relationship with a trustworthy parent figure will help you tremendously in the growing up process. And additionally, the absence of one will make you struggle more. Some of us have more severe traumas, some just minor dents. Few of us have none. In my world, they seem to be a minority.
While diving into this fragile subject, here is a shortlist of things to remember:
- Not making excuses for our caregivers. Just trying to add understanding: they had their own scars, that lead to their behavior. It doesn’t make their behavior right, but this gives them the possibility to be humans. With all their shortcomings and errors, this gives perspective.
- Additionally, we are not blaming our caregivers. Like in agile, we trust they have done their best with the equipment and knowledge available. Even with the most abusive, drug-addicted, neglecting family these are true. Our caregivers did the best they could do.
- We don’t have any real memories from our childhood. Or even from last week. They are memories from memories, probably mixed with dreams and wishes. This is a great strength, giving us the possibility to modify our memories and making the following sentence to be true “It is never too late to have a happy childhood”.
- Also remember, that brain primary function is to save us from harm. The happy things are not interesting in this point of view. The bad memories are. There are probably a bunch of good memories that you have forgotten and the bad memories get more power over time. Especially when not gone through properly.
- The experiences and memories of our childhood could have been OK for someone else. But with our specific nature and personality, they ended up being far from perfect to us.
The fact that we were not perfectly nurtured, cared and mirrored in our childhood, results in us not seeing ourselves perfectly. There can be blind spots where no one has seen and mirrored our potential, resulting in us not knowing who we truly are. This usually results in anxiety, feelings of being lost and that no one can understand you.
How do you feel now? Is something stirring inside? Are you annoyed? Restless? Why? Do you want to get hold of what that something is? The topics in here go heavily under psychology. Depending on your situation and how severe the past is affecting your now and your future, you maybe want to consider these options:
- Start therapy. Find good enough therapist, whom you can trust. Dive into that process and find yourself. This is a big commitment and should be taken as such.
- Go to a workshop. This is an easier way to start the journey. Having a group of people supporting you also gives better chances to find your kind of people to help you out.
- Get to know more about the topic. Some links to books and youtube videos down below.
Even if you think you are one of the lucky ones, not having any traumas, I suggest you familiarize yourself with the subject, maybe with books and videos. Especially if you are a (servant) leadership position, some co-workers can need a nudge in the right direction in order to be happier and, as we know, happiness => productiveness.
Check the links below and add your own in the comments. Feel free to contact me, if you want to have a deeper discussion about the subject.
With love
-Sanna-
PS. Big thanks for reviews and feedback to Olaf Lewis, Martin Unruh, and Riikka Takala. Love you all.
I want more – section:
- Best workshop I have attended this far: https://www.trusttemenos.com/p3-berlin/ or https://www.p3workshops.com/
- Youtube: Marisa Peer: “I’m Not Enough" https://youtu.be/lw3NyUMLh7Y
- Online article about Complex post-traumatic stress disorder: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/322886.php
- A book about Complex post-traumatic stress disorder: https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD/dp/1492871842
- Traumas and pain in the body: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748
- Neuro-Linguistic Programming for bad memories: https://www.nlp-techniques.org/what-is-nlp/dissolving-bad-memories/