Won't you be my mentor?

"Won’t you be my mentor?".

Awkward!

Asking that question can be as awkward, and scary as asking "will you marry me?"

Approaching someone to be your mentor can be a very intimidating proposition. After all, this potential mentor is someone you admire, otherwise, you would not be approaching them. They are an expert. A master of their domain. And here you are, asking them to take time out of their busy schedule to mentor you. How do you even do that?!

I have been a mentor to hundreds of students and emerging scientists. I have also been a mentee, and currently, have two mentors whom I meet with regularly. One mentor helps me with career issues within my department and the other advises me on issues outside of academia. I am now in the process of finding a third mentor to help me with expanding my business life outside of academia, especially regarding public speaking. So I understand how you might feel when you first approach a potential mentor. Here are some tips to help you approach a mentor with confidence:

• Be clear - When students approach me to "be their mentor", I need them to be clear about what kind of mentor they are seeking. Do you want me to be your thesis mentor? Your writing mentor? Career mentor? Be specific about what it is that you are seeking and why you are approaching me at this time.
• Come prepared - I've had students who approach me because "someone said that I was a good mentor", but the student did not have any idea about me or my areas of expertise. Before you approach a new mentor, read as much as possible about them. Find out what is their work, what skills they seem to have, what achievements they have had that you want to emulate. For example, a postdoctoral fellow recently approached me and said: "I'd like you to be my mentor because I need to enhance my writing skills and I read your book about writing scientific articles." His approach was effective because the mentoring that he wants has a specific focus, is related to one of my areas of expertise, and he was already well prepared to ask me to help him in this specific area of his career development.
• Set specific goals but keep an open mind - A mentoring relationship is much like any relationship, it can have many surprising twists and turns. It is best if you have some specific outcomes in mind when you approach a potential mentor. For instance, with the example above, the postdoc and I set a goal to write and publish three papers in the next year. This goal may be more specific than you need, but my point is that it helps to have a goal in mind that is quantifiable while at the same time being open to guidance.

Being open open to guidance is critically important when working with a mentor you trust. For example, a student once approached me to help him with his medical school application. Through the mentoring process, I suggested to him that a career in biomedical research may be a better option for him. I still remember when I made that suggestion. He knew he loved science, but his previous advisers had never presented him with that option and had steered him towards premed courses. Our mentoring sessions helped him see himself as a scientist rather than as a physician. Today, he is an accomplished research scientist and happy with his career.

So be specific when you approach a potential mentor. Be clear about what you want to learn from them and why. And be open to listening for unexpected advice. Clarity, preparation, and open-mindedness will help you when you approach a new mentor and will take the awkward out of what can be a very uncomfortable first step. 

This is the second in a series of blog posts about mentors. To download a free checklist about the things to discuss on your First Meeting with A New Mentor, click HERE.

Dr. Luz Claudio is a Tenured Professor of Environmental Medicine and Public Health and the author of How to Write and Publish a Scientific Paper: The Step-by-Step Guide and the Spanish edition: Cómo Escribir y Publicar un Artículo Científico: La Guía Paso a Paso. She has also created the Notebook for Seminars and Lectures. In the books, she teaches young scientists how to publish their research and take effective notes. She also translates environmental health research into information that everyone can understand by publishing fact sheets on her website: DrLuzClaudio.com. The opinions expressed in this blog are solely her own and may not reflect those of her employer, colleagues or associates.