No wonder we are socially anxious - An observation from the animal kingdom.

I just got back from an amazing trip to South Africa. If you haven’t been, GO! As a good tourist, I did what you should and went to see some of the animals that are so unique to the African continent. Lions, Elephants, Rhinos, Hippos, Springboks, Buffaloes and many others. As our guide was telling us about all the animals and how their packs/herds/families work it became so clear how we are all social animals (and I very much include us humans in that) and how being socially outcasted from your packs/hoards/families almost always leads to death. We saw the same springbok a few times that was always walking on his own away from the herd and a springbok walking or sleeping by himself is an easy target for a leopard. We also saw an adult hippo who had been outcasted after having challenged the dominant bull in the group. For a hippo, that means that he no longer can access the same watering holes as the rest of the group and regular access to water is essential for a hippo; not having that access can easily lead to death.

So as we are part of this animal kingdom is it so strange that a thought like “Do my work colleagues like me” can become so paralysing? We are programmed to know that social rejection in many cases can lead to death. Of course, nowadays we live in a very different world where if I’m not liked or valued in my workplace I would probably just pick up my few belongings and start working somewhere else. The same goes for the tough teenage years when most of us are socially awkward and when it is so important to fit in with your friends. This of course comes from the time when decisions were made if someone had value to the group or village and was seen as a contributor or just another hungry mouth to feed. Back in the day social exclusion, even for us, could have very serious consequences including death.

Nowadays what many people do if they don’t find that they are liked in one social setting is that they find another one. You might not be the most popular kid in class, but you are part of a sports team where you are seen as a highly valued member or part of an online community where people respect you for who you are. Something that is becoming more and more common is that finding acceptance AFK (Away From Keyboard) is hard.

So what am I getting at? I believe that acceptance almost always starts with understanding. So if we understand that we are part of the animal kingdom and that we, for millennia, have been programmed to deal with social rejection as the end of the world then maybe it is not so weird that a lot of people suffer from social anxiety. The real-life consequences might not mean death anymore but they sure can feel like it.?

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