#WomenLiftingWomen

I have permission to share this deeply personal story that was lived by and written in the hand of a sister.

Over the last few weeks I've seen a lot of black and white pictures of woman--some with whom I know, and many that I do not. All with the same hashtag #womenliftingwomen.

As I thumbed through the pictures that challenged other women to participate, I was struck by their soulful beauty, the sincerity of their smiles, and the strength that glistened in their eyes regardless of their age, race, or chosen gender identity. I found myself wondering about their narratives; curious about their untold stories and what they might secretly carry with them, that has shaped who they have become.

Before I could turn my attention to wondering about the impetus of the challenge, I found myself being catapulting back in time and smack in a story that I wished were not mine. This story has never been told until today.

The story goes like this.

Many years ago, Young Woman began an affair with The Boss. It started with happy hours where Young Woman and The Boss were the last to leave and progressed to fancy dinners and gifts. Young Woman suspected that she wasn’t the first to have the attention of The Boss. Nonetheless, she enjoyed the excitement and the forbidden nature of a relationship like this. We won’t go into Young Woman’s need for this type of attention because it distracts from the real issue, but we do acknowledge that there was something going on with Young Woman and that may have made her even more attractive to The Boss.

So, as it would happen someone accessed The Boss’ voicemail and forwarded to a big group of people Young Woman’s playful and incriminating message to The Boss. Soon the Young Woman found herself in small conference room with Mr. HR manager. Mr. HR manager kept her in the room for several hours. Young Woman was told that she needed to find a new job within the organization, and she had 8 weeks to do so. And unfortunately, there weren’t any jobs posted that she was qualified for and Mr. HR wouldn’t help her. She was on her own.

Young Woman found a new job in the organization and was grateful. She liked the new job. The shame however was hard to manage, and she ultimately left the organization for a fresh start. The Boss got a promotion. His Boss continued to work there. And life went on. 

Over time, Young Woman often thought about how unfair it was that she was the one that had to find a new job. Unfair that she was interrogated by HR. She thought that The Boss had taken advantage of his power and position. And she said, “so it is” and moved on.

Young Woman went to a new company and saw other young women staying out late drinking with male colleagues, she saw women being asked to run meetings because male colleagues were still drunk from the night before, she saw young women asked to be nice to clients so that they would buy more. She saw a lot of things and she never said anything. No one did. 

Today Young Woman has grown into Woman and it dawns on her that everyone around her was silent about what happened so many years ago.  In that silence, the women went to work and did what they needed to do to get their promotions and titles. That has continued for decades. Women working hard to prove themselves and reach their full potential. Women shutting their eyes to what happens around them. And sometimes it is worse than shutting our eyes, women have worked against other women. We were out for ourselves because it seemed that if we didn’t go for it there was no other way. Perhaps we told ourselves that once we had made it then we would throw out a line to others.

This Woman is glad to see the #womenliftingwomen and all the black and white pictures. She hopes that it is more than a picture on social media. She hopes that women will speak truth to powerful men and that other women will support those that do. She applauds women supporting and lifting up other women. And she of course wishes she could outrun the shame that still exists in her today. 

End of Story.

Now...if you do not already know the story of the black and white pictures of women on social media, I encourage you to read this article Do You Know What You're Supporting With The Black And White Challenge On Social Meda

As you reflect on this story, your own story, the story of someone you know...and the "why" behind this social media challenge, ask yourself:

Bystander, Ally, Advocate, Activist which will you be today?