The Women in Your Life

Think about the women in your close circle.

Do you know what they do professionally? Or if they are taking a “power pause” (coined by Neha Ruch) to raise their kids, do you know their professional passions and talents?

I think it’s easy to say, “she’s a teacher” or “she’s in finance” or “she’s in marketing.”

But each of these professions are immensely broad.

Let’s talk about your friend who is a teacher. Is there a subject or specialization? Does she feel content where she is currently, or does she have other aspirations within teaching or outside teaching? What does her day to day in the classroom look like? Does she have a support within her professional network?

I have a challenge for all of us.

Women – I challenge us to practice our own conversational skills at the next birthday party. Yes, all the easy questions are easy. Schools. Teachers. Summer camps. Etc. We know about each other kids and community activities. And all of this is helpful conversation!! But are we learning about each other? Are we learning that we may have the same profession? Or the same future aspirations? Or maybe we’re not the same at all but maybe we can make an introduction for a friend.

Men – I challenge you to take interest in the women. And I am not talking about our single, dating days. I’m talking about our professional and personal ambitions. It is frequently assumed that I don’t work because I have three children. Far from the truth. And I will further challenge you that even if a woman is taking a “power pause” now to raise her kids I will venture to say she has goals and ambitions that are outside of her children. So instead of assuming you don’t have anything in common professionally you may have a book to recommend or an introduction to make!

What if we all took our small talk conversations a step further?

She’s a teacher. She’s in real estate. She’s a doctor.

We ask a simple follow up question with genuine interest. And another question. And another. Where can this small talk conversation lead? It is no longer small talk. No longer surface level. You are showing genuine interest in the other.

And that is called humility.

Always the Numbers

• 79% of moms are employed. This includes full-time, part-time, self-employed. (Motherly’s 2024 State of Motherhood Survey Report)
• 65% of Giving Tuesday donors are women (Forbes, 2022). Numerous studies have shown that as women’s income rises, they are more likely to donate to charity than their male counterparts.

Why do these two statistics in particular matter when it comes to supporting women? Great question! It has to do with putting our money where our mouth is when we say we are supportive of women.

The Next Step

First, let’s define humility.

Oxford Dictionary: Humility – a modest or low view of one’s own importance; humbleness.

However, this definition is widely misinterpreted and misunderstood. You are not downplaying yourself. Your actions are to show interest in the other person first before singing about your own accomplishments.

My favorite explanation for humility is from a parenting book. The Collapse of Parenthood by Leonard Sax, MD, PhD.

He writes, “Some parents no longer even understand what the word “humility” means. Those parents think that humility means trying to convince yourself that you’re stupid when you know that you are smart. … No. Humility simply means being as interested in other people as you are in yourself. It means that when you meet new people, you try to learn something about them before going off a spiel about how incredible your current project is. Humility means really listening when someone else is talking, instead of just preparing your own speechlet in your head before you’ve really heard what the other person is saying.”

Now, let’s talk about money. Why do any of us work? By far the primary reason is so we can provide for our families.

How often do we expect free or steeply discounted goods or services from family and friends? Do we think it’s owed to us? I’ll encourage us all to change our thought process to be the opposite. We should be the first in line to pay our family and friends for their service.

When you pay your friend or relative for their work you are showing the following:

1. Respect for their profession and skill. You acknowledge their expertise and show value for their work. If you do not pay for the service or good you are sending the message that you value a stranger’s years of education and experience more than their own.
2. Support for their livelihood. Women (and men) rely on their income to support themselves and their families. Not paying for the service or goods being sold can put undue financial burden on the individual. Supporting women with monetary pay is a positive for all of society. Women are contributors to communities. With the percentage we saw above, when a woman earns a dollar, she invests back into community. Which helps all of us!
3. Importance in maintaining a healthy relationship. Friendships and family dynamics should not be strained with messy money disagreements that can be easily avoided. Providing appropriate compensation to friends and family shows value in the friendship and relationship. It shows appreciation of the service or good.
4. Encouragement of quality of service and commitment. When paid for work people are more likely to fully commit. Paying clients are nearly always prioritized first. If your expectation is quality and dedication as any full-paying customer, then plan to pay the full rate. If a small discount is offered as a symbol of appreciation for the friendship than that is reasonable. Typically, this can range from 10-20%. Understand if the discount is above 20% your friend or family may be suffering a monetary loss and is then financial burdened by you as a customer.

Here's to making more genuine connections, truly taking interest in those around us, and respecting the years of expertise.

Truly,

Helen