Women vs. women: why corporate sisterhood fails and what we can do about it.

Discussions around gender in the workplace often focus on an obvious and binary conflict: men vs. women. We talk about women as a collective monolith (often with a Western lens) and highlight how hard it is for them to survive - never mind thrive - in a patriarchal world crafted for men. To achieve gender equality it’s argued that (all) men need to be allies, sponsors and mentors to help (all) women challenge the status quo and gain fair representation and treatment in the workplace.?

It’s a male/female story.?

But what of the relationship between women? What are the power dynamics at play amongst women in the corporate world and how does this perpetuate - or dissolve - gender bias and stereotypes?

I was encouraged to pursue this topic by a dear friend, an avid reader of “Nina’s Nuggets”, who told me that - whilst my insights into gender resonated - in her experience (across a 20 year corporate career) she’s never had a problem with men. It was women she struggled with.?

It was female managers and leaders who would undermine her authority, persistently ignore her, manipulate her, gossip about her and misrepresent her skills.

It got so toxic, she told me, that her only escape from the psychological burnout and insecurity she experienced on a daily basis, was to quit.?

And she’s not alone.

It was former US Secretary of State (and the first woman to hold that position), Madeleine Albright, who originally coined the now famous phrase: “there’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.” Albright has repeated this line for years, explaining to Time magazine that she feels that women “just generally” are “very judgmental of each other”, adding “we put women through tests that we do not put men through.”

Renowned corporate gender author, and ex-Facebook executive, Sheryl Sandberg also touched on this in her (now somewhat controversial) book “Lean in.” She cited internalized bias and competitive pressures as forces that strain relationships among women in the workplace, pitting them against each other as opposed to supporting each other.?

Where does this internalized bias and competitive pressure come from??

Surprise, surprise, dear readers, we're back to the patriarchy and the male-orientated structures upon which our world of work and social structures are embedded.?

Roles for women - especially senior roles - are scarce. That one female seat at the table is a highly sought after position. Women are systemically forced to compete against each other for these rare opportunities to advance. Simultaneously, women often limit their ambitions and confidence as they unconsciously adopt the societal biases that surround them. This in turn can prompt jealousy between women, because one has more confidence to assert herself and achieve that hallowed leadership title and remit coveted by the rest.

But why don’t successful female leaders always support the junior women who are clinging on to a lower rung of the slippery ladder? Well, once a woman has fought tooth and nail for a leadership role one of five things might cross her mind:

1. “I did it, so should you”: She believes other women must endure the same struggle she went through and chooses not to challenge the status quo to ease their way.
2. “I don’t want to lose my position”: She sees junior women as threats, fearing they might take her hard-earned position, so she withholds guidance. She might even go as far as undermining them in order to neutralise the potential threat.
3. “I need to fit in with the bros”: To fit into male-dominated spaces, she takes on "alpha" traits, prioritising competition over empathy; ego/individualism over community/collective
4. “I need to look good”: She fears another woman entering the round and then underperforming might reinforce negative gender stereotypes (that women don’t have the same authority or capabilities as men).
5. “I don’t want to be perceived as biased” She hesitates to support women, fearing it could harm her credibility - she fears being seen biased or showing obvious favouritism towards women.

In addition to this myriad of reactions, women in leadership are often overworked, taking on tasks outside of their official remit in order to prove their value and worth. This means they have limited time to dedicate to mentoring, coaching or developing a community of more junior women in the workplace.?

One could thus argue that whilst a woman may have good intentions (to support other women), the inherent and engrained gender bias alive and kicking within the corporate world, ultimately serves to destroy those intentions.?

In a man’s world being a successful woman is akin to a tightrope walker navigating an ever-narrowing rope. Each step is precarious. And other women are the least of their priorities as they focus on putting one foot in front of the other.

And if the patriarchy is pitching women against each other then the women vs. women battle remains a men vs. women story. For it is men - or at the very least the male-orientated system - that distort the behaviour of women.?

But let's pause for a moment. As alluded to earlier, we can’t reduce women to one monolithic group that’s homogeneously victimised by men. And to only blame the system is to take away the autonomy of choice we’re all gifted with.?

So whilst it’s easier for a woman to follow the status quo and fall prey to one - or all - of the 5 common outcomes above, it is not the only available approach (even if at times it may feel that way). Women need to remember the agency they have and, where possible, challenge this status quo, in spite of the potential consequences. Leveraging other female executives (potentially cross-disciplinary) can also lend a more powerful communal voice within an organisation.

Research has proven that women are more likely to support other women when they feel valued and secure in their roles, or when they are part of the majority - rather than being a token female member.?

We already know what we need to do, don’t we?

Invert the system and create mass male & female action to destroy the status quo. We need to build more equitable, supportive and fairer workplaces. If women feel valued and are actively encouraged to support each other, they will. They will foster a community, build a network and celebrate each other. They will reinforce the voices of women in meetings, they will advocate for and create opportunities for other women. The pipeline of female and diverse talent will start to thrive. If we don’t change our currently broken system, then we force women into a Sophie’s choice scenario.?

So let’s hire, promote, and celebrate women, rewarding them fairly and equitably, recognizing their unique needs and requirements, ensuring they can participate. Let's create and foster communities of women in the workplace (ERGs as an example), let’s create formal mentorship programmes between women and ensure female role models feel safe to spend time inspiring, supporting and putting the spotlight on the successes of junior colleagues.?Let's reward women for encouraging other women to succeed. Let's normalize this behaviour within our companies.

Let’s enable women to elevate other women.

N.B as always, I acknowledge the position of privilege I hold, and from which I write. Gender and biases in the world of work are complex, especially when multiple identity factors come into play. I write from my personal experience and if I've got something wrong, I want to know, learn and improve <3