Are Women Turning into Bullies?

Violent behaviour, emotional abuse, put-downs, and narcissistic behaviour; I spoke to three men last week who told me their partners have engaged in such behaviour towards them. All these dialogues started around another topic but then veered towards this. I have lost count of the times I have heard similar scenarios from different men.

When you think of such damaging behaviour, the image that usually comes to mind is that of a man being physically abusive towards a woman. A man is the one that carries all hate, and all the problems of the world are because of men. Is this true, and are men the only ones that need saving?

I had an incredible childhood. Incredible because I don't know how I managed to survive. My mum was a tyrant, physically and emotionally abusive and consumed with an intense rage directed at those closest to her. Her behaviour was violent, malicious, and sometimes just vicious, and it seemed that I was the one that got the brunt of it. My dad would often avoid my mother for fear of abuse. For a long time, I was suicidal, consumed with a depression where I thought I was at fault for her hate. I hated myself, but I also hated everyone else. I was bullied at school, and in the afternoon, I had to come home and face my mother.?

It is apparent to me now that my childhood was not unique. One of my best friends, the boy I spent most time with, was also abused by his mother. Another friend had the same fate. However, as young boys, we never talked about this. It was shameful and something you didn't share with your friends.?

However, let's find balance and understand that many men can also engage in violent actions. This is common knowledge. Their actions can be abusive, selfish and controlling. They can belittle their partners, children and find fault in everything. Not all men, of course, and in my eyes, most men (and women) are kind and caring. However, I don't inhabit their homes, so I can't see what is truly happening. For all I know, bubbling beneath the surface of a calm and tranquil exterior is a volcano of rage and indignation.

Let's come back to the original question. Are women turning into bullies? My answer is no. The only thing happening now is that the truth is coming out. More men are ready to speak out. The truth is surfacing in many areas of life, and some of these truths will be difficult to face. Men or women, we both have violence within but with women, it is more subtle and often unexposed. Violence is expressed differently in women, but it must find an outlet just like in men.?

Men are physically stronger, so they often express their hidden anger and rage physically. With women, since they are not as strong as men, they tend to express their anger and discontentment verbally. My mum was physically abusive towards me until the age of 15 until, the day I decided to fight back and overpower her. Then, she changed her tact and increased her verbal attacks on me to counter the lack of physical power she had over me. She was still violent but now solely with words.?

Who carries more anger, men or women?

Who is more violent and carries more anger, men or women? This question may be impossible to answer and, ultimately, the wrong question. This is because, ultimately, we are all ONE. We have defined ourselves and attached our sense of being to an inner concept, and in doing so, we have created the illusion of separation. To quote the famous spiritual philosopher, Krishnamurti, "When you separate yourself from another, you breed violence". The greater the sense of separation, the more violence that is present. In other words, inherent within the feeling of separation is the birthplace of violence and conflict.

In our quest for understanding and healing, we must recognise that violence and anger do not discriminate based on gender. Both men and women can engage in harmful behaviour and carry deep-seated pain. As we open up conversations about abuse and toxicity, we shatter the illusions and stereotypes that have kept these issues hidden for so long.

Acknowledging the truth requires us to embrace the complexities and nuances of human experience. It compels us to transcend the limitations of gender roles and societal expectations, allowing us to see each other as individuals with shared struggles. Through this lens of unity, we can truly address the root causes of violence and work towards fostering healthier relationships and communities.

Instead of focusing on who carries more anger or blame, let us collectively strive for healing and growth. By fostering empathy, understanding, and open dialogue, we can create safe spaces for all individuals, regardless of gender, to heal from their past traumas and break free from cycles of violence. Together, we can build a more compassionate and peaceful world, free from separation constraints and filled with the transformative power of unity and letting go.

#lettinggo #coaching #emotionalwellbeing #mentalhealth

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In future articles, I will explain how I managed to see the deeper rationale behind my childhood experience and how I can now see the 'gift' in what I experienced; this has enabled me to forgive and genuinely love the people I felt had previously harmed me.?

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Daniel Dzikowski is an emotional well-being coach and speaker, specialising in a transformational approach for individuals and businesses. He is well-known for using the tool of letting go to powerfully impact the lives of the people around him.