Women in Leadership: the Crucial Mental Health at Work Champions

It's not lost on me that I'm posting this '2 days late'.

I know I'm not the first person to say this - but celebrating women, their achievements, and challenges is something that matters all year round - not just on one day. Having just celebrated International Women’s Day, it’s important to understand how women in leadership positions can shift the narrative around gender and mental health.

Now, I know you know this, but let me be clear: anyone in a leadership role, no matter their gender, can be an incredible mental health at work advocate. But for International Women's Day, as Tina Fey said in the movie Sisters - "this one's for the ladies!"

When it comes to talking about mental health and mental illness, we all have varying comfort levels around the subject. Our relationships, culture, family, the media, even language choice all influence our views and beliefs.

One of the most powerful and influential factors? Gender.?

“Our gender can have a very real impact on how we think we’re supposed to feel about mental health. And in turn, if we feel we can talk about it at work without consequence or judgment.”1

It’s extremely common, unfortunately, for people to make assumptions or have expectations about how mental health or mental illness should, or shouldn’t be, spoken about when it comes to gender.

It all has to change - now.

I know it's ridiculously frustrating that we still even have to talk about this. But remember, we're still very early days when it comes to the long arc of history around this topic.

With the innumerable uphill battles that women have had to fight in the workplace, with the added pressure of being a leader, it's no surprise that how women in leadership talk about mental health at work is under a ridiculous level of scrutiny based on outdated narratives. Don't despair, women in leadership positions have an incredible opportunity to shift the narrative around gender and mental health.

It starts by understanding the history of gender roles and gender identity that’s led to today’s biases, challenges, and narratives. Then you can take action and have conversations with your coworkers, team members, and other leaders to start creating change.

I'm conscious of the fact that gender and mental health is a HUGE topic. Please take this article as just a mere snippet, with a few practical things you can take away to marinate on.

UNDERSTANDING THE HISTORICAL IMPACT OF GENDER

Before we jump into the history of gender differences around mental health, I want to address an important aspect of this discussion: gender identity.

I’m extremely conscious that historical gender stereotypes are based on the rigid binary designations of male and female. But it’s crucial to note that those who identify as non-binary, gender fluid, or any other gender identity have their own unique challenges.?And these aspects must be included in the conversation.

Global society has (and still continues to) place socially constructed rules upon humans in two strict categories (male or female). Those rules, unfortunately, dictated what each gender was or was not “allowed” to do, think, or feel.

Basically, no matter what gender we identify with, we’ve all been historically screwed by these ridiculous expectations and rules. It’s been a no-win situation. And I’m calling bullsh** on all of it — on these stereotypes, social rules, and strict gender categories.

Why? Because these subjective ideas are complete nonsense and very destructive.

A (BRIEF) HISTORY OF GENDER DIFFERENCES

Our society has a long history of gender-defined roles. Even in caveman times, men were viewed as the “strong hunters” while women tended to hearth and home — and the expectations of our emotional health stayed in line with this.

Over the centuries, as conversations about the mind, emotions, and the like became more frequent - stereotypes developed and certain assumptions were made about each genders' mental health — and how they should “deal” with it.

Years ago (and this is true by the way), doctors believed that a woman’s 'softer nature' meant she was more predisposed to developing mental illness, as compared to men. So they “diagnosed” women as hysterical.

I know - just breathe.

With men, it’s been quite the opposite. Society expected (and in some ways still does) men to be tough, strong, dominant, stoic — and not be ruled by their emotions. So any hint of an emotional reaction would lead to taunting, derogatory language, or the suggestion to “man up.”

Also completely not ok.

These ideas still linger in our society today, despite the fact they’ve been disproven and shown to be extremly harful. In fact, research tells us that:

“Men and women both experience mental illness, and certain mental health conditions are more likely to show up in women, while others are more likely to show up in men. [The only real difference between the genders?] …women are more likely to seek help for their mental health conditions than men.”1

Unfortunately, these stereotypes and expectations are not so easy to get rid of. Some of these ideas are now ingrained in cultures, religions, and family dynamics — adding another layer of complexity when it comes to talking about your mental health.

Which, surprising no one, then spills over into the workplace. Because whether you censor yourself or not, you bring all of your beliefs into work — including those about mental health and gender.

THE CHALLENGES FOR WOMEN IN LEADERSHIP

I have four words for you: gender-based emotion shaming.?

This is similar to wellbeing shaming — except this type of shaming focuses on your biology or assigned gender, casually assuming an emotional reaction (or lack thereof) is solely due to your gender.

People who engage in this type of shaming don’t consider that your response to an objectively stressful event is a reasonable, human reaction.?

Instead, they make fun of you or label you as “insert stereotype here” because they don’t understand or feel uncomfortable. Or they give you s**t for showing any emotion if you’re expected to be stoic and you’re not.

This obviously is not ok. Ever.

Scroll down below for specific examples of what gender-based emotion shaming sounds like and some real zingers of how you can respond.

EXAMPLES OF WORKPLACE STEREOTYPES

It’s understandable that women are concerned about the perceptions of others, especially at work. They don’t want to be stereotyped, or judged, for sharing their feelings about mental health, stress, and mental illness.

But what specific challenges do women in leadership face in the workplace? There are too many to name, but some common roadblocks for women talking about mental health at work can include:

• Career Progression: or the fear that talking about mental health could impact career opportunities. Say the wrong thing and the boss might think you can’t “handle the job” — so they pass you over for promotion and give it to your male counterpart.
• Professional Reputation: what if you’re not taken seriously? This is already a struggle for women in leadership roles. But talking about emotions and mental health as a leader might leave you feeling like you’ll lose respect.
• Leadership Stoicism: or the belief that leaders must be infallible, showing no weakness to those under their authority. You might think that once you’re in a leadership role, you can’t talk about mental health. It’s not what’s done and a “strong” leader doesn’t talk about this topic openly. When you add being a female leader on top of this, it can seem like a double no-no.

BE A ROLE MODEL

Understanding the source of gender stereotypes around mental health — and the challenges for women leaders specifically — is the first step. With that foundation, you can learn to respond to these stereotypes and gender-based emotion shaming you might encounter.

The best place is to start with yourself. As a leader, you can take actionable steps to shift the conversation in your workplace, such as:

• Check in with yourself so you know your boundaries and comfort level around the topic.
• Share your views to build trust with others (in small doses at first, until you feel more comfortable).
• Lead by example, or role model the behavior you want others to adopt.

These are three simple things you can do to set the tone as a leader. It’s a small, first step that feels manageable and starts the process toward change — and you can do it at your own pace.

CONVERSATION TIPS

Once you start small changes within yourself, you can move toward interactions and conversations with others. How you go about these conversations depends on your comfort level. You can talk with colleagues 1:1 or in a group - it's entirely up to you.

If you see/hear/witness someone at work engaging in gender-based emotion shaming, you can call out these negative comments and address them at the moment. Aim to educate, not beate. Keep in mind that the goal is to encourage intentional language use and make space for new opinions (not verbally decimate them).

Here are a few examples of how to respond:

• Comment: “You’re overreacting. It’s not that big of a deal.”
• Response: “I’m not overreacting. I’m letting you know how I feel about _____. I’d like to understand why you think it’s ok to disregard my feelings and opinions as a colleague.”
• Comment: “It sounds like you have a lot going on right now. I’m going to give the project to someone else.”
• Response: “I am going through a lot right now, and I appreciate you recognizing that. But this doesn’t mean that I can’t handle my responsibilities. If it gets to that point, I will let you know and we can talk about my workload then.”
• Comment: “I get that you like to talk about feelings at work, but you really should stop that since you’re a leader now.”
• Response: “Talking about and managing my mental health is a healthy adult practice, no matter my place in the company. And I believe talking about it as a leader is a good way for me to be a role model for my team. Can you help me understand why you don’t agree?”

This can obviously feel intimidating at first. Over time and with practice, it will get easier. And remember — every voice counts when it comes to changing the norms around this subject.

GENDER AND MENTAL HEALTH GOING FORWARD

Gender and mental health have been an ongoing discussion and will continue to be. Countless people have tirelessly worked to intentionally shift the narrative around the subject, and it’s come to the point that we need to really drive the point home.?

The hard lines around these stereotypes are completely outdated concepts from a time gone past — they need to stop.?

The bottom line? They were never ok or accurate and they still aren’t now. Gender and mental health ideas are fluid, so we should be more flexible in how we look at them.

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• Want to empower your women leaders to talk about mental health at work? Reach out to me to set up a workshop training.
• Want to learn more about the role of gender in mental health? Check out my new book.
• Note:?A version of this article was originally posted to my blog:?Real Talk. On the blog, I offer tips and tools for you to have successful conversations about mental health with your coworkers, employees, leaders, and staff. Take a peek to learn more.

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Sources:

1. Doman, Melissa. Yes, You Can Talk about Mental Health at Work: Here's Why ... and How to Do It Really Well. Welbeck Publishing Group, 2021.