Women in Leadership: Amelia Tilby

So thrilled that you’re joining us for another #TeamTuesdays focused on Women in Leadership! Last week, we continued our conversation about challenges and opportunities for women in their careers, and the week before that, you got to meet the awesome Michelle Morris CCXP / Michelle Perez, Associate Director of Competitive Insights!?

This week, you’ll get the amazing chance to meet Amelia Tilby (née Diggle) , our senior manager of Service Design on the Verizon Connect Experience Team! Amelia is based in New Zealand with a strong and impressive cross-functional group. She is an ardent and enthusiastic leader, connecting us to teammates across the organization, and promoting the power of design thinking in solving problems across the business! Amelia is always the first to volunteer to help, eager to meet groups wherever they are, and happy to jump in and bring people together.?

I’ve had the honor and pleasure of working with Amelia for nearly a decade, and I have learned so much about leadership and collaboration from her. Part of that is because we have had such similar journeys, and we have leaned on each other throughout the years. Having a friend to share experiences, ideas, emotions, and actions with has really enriched my journey. And it’s something that Amelia feels passionate about for all women.

Seeing to Believing

“It’s so important that there are more examples for young women coming into the industry to see,” Amelia started off. “Having more women represented brings a different, diverse, dynamic and perspective. It’s pretty unique to have Alicia Nachman , April Durrett , and Kinnera Angadi (our senior leadership team!) guiding us all at once. It’s about going from seeing to believing: seeing someone in a role that you might have never imagined yourself in makes you subconsciously realize that you could do that, and I think that’s the most powerful thing.”

This echoes what we’ve discussed before in addressing the Broken Rung problem as a whole. And Amelia embodies that seeing-to-believing pipeline. Amelia has some unique perspectives on how she is affording her team that visibility. It isn’t enough to hold a management role or title; we need to be visible, in front of people, acting on the connections that we’ve made and fostered.

Amelia pointed out how this has happened on her team with her strong group of individual collaborators who serve as strong leaders themselves!

“I think about Emily,” Amelia shared, referring to Emily Hays on her Service Design team. “She’s created a lot of opportunities for travel this year and has been driving a lot of strategic programs. She’s an IC, but also an up-and-coming leader, and she’s showing people that it is possible to be a leader at any level within the organisation, too.”

This allowed us to have a conversation about the actual definition of leadership. What does “leadership” mean? What does it look like?

“Influence!” Amelia said, with her characteristic gusto. This is evident in the work that Amelia was referring to: Emily recently hosted workshops in partnership with UX Researchers Kelcey Little and Paul Boshears, PhD in our Alpharetta, Georgia office, and she recreated the experience in our Rolling Meadows, Illinois office with Jake Marx from our Global Customer Success team.?

The rest of the Service Design team have traveled for their work too. Sean Svendsen has led strategic talks and has joined our UX Research team for on-site customer visits throughout the US. Clara Villa has traveled from our office in Dublin, Ireland to the US to host and run workshops as well.?

Gallup found that 70% of employee engagement depends on their leader , so it’s no surprise that the Service Design team has taken on this spirit in their work. (Shouting out James Pham 's work on a recent leadership training that he and his team ran, and that I absolutely loved!)

It’s crazy to think that it really wasn’t that long ago that Amelia was in Emily, Sean, or Clara’s shoes. So, I asked her what it felt like to move from individual contributor leadership, to junior management, and onto senior management.

“It’s a huge shift,” Amelia admitted. “There’s a lot of ego and naivete when you’re first wanting to be a manager. You’re all eager and excited, and you think, ‘Come on! Give me the team! I’ll take over the world!’ And then, when you actually start, it is a whirlwind of imposter syndrome.”

Throwing Out Imposter Syndrome; Finding Confidence and Joy

“Well, it was for me,” Amelia continued. “You hire the smartest people that you can find. And then I thought, ‘Eek! Who do I think I am, managing this team?’”

Ah yes, the dreaded imposter syndrome monster rears its head again.

We all know that imposter syndrome is a natural part of the process, and often observed not only in early management, but throughout our careers.?

The discussion around imposter syndrome is especially pertinent in today’s world.

According to CNBC, a Korn Ferry study found that due to factors like an incredibly rapid rate of change in industry, countless global unknowns, and ever-changing technological advances, as many as 71% of US CEOs report experiencing imposter syndrome , relating it to “a crisis of confidence”.?

(Also, check out these articles from Forbes on examples of early management imposter syndrome , and how to combat it !)

One major theme that drove imposter syndrome for Amelia was a tendency toward perfectionism.

“Personally, I think I have had to let go of the perfectionism that designers start off with,” Amelia expressed. “In design school, we want things to look polished, and we’re working toward finished products. But when you’re a manager, you’ve got to keep things moving, and keep making space for people to do the work. Nothing’s ever going to be perfect.”

This especially was something that Amelia saw impacting new leaders.

“I see a lot of new managers struggling with that, too. They’re wanting the people they’re managing to be like them, and then their team will be perfect. But you’ve got to look at the people you’ve got in front of you, and throw out ‘perfect’!” she cheered. “Get excited about them and their talents, their growth, their journey! Look for the opportunities that match that. You don’t always get it right, but I find the most joy in that: finding an opportunity for someone that’s perfect for their growth and their career. And if it benefits the business and the customer, that’s magic.”

Amelia finds this to be key in her approach when working outside of her team and with other leaders.

“It’s a different type of collaboration,” she remarked. “It’s really interesting, and challenging, and you face a whole new level of imposter syndrome to try and get leadership collaboration to happen.”

Amelia’s no stranger to establishing cultures. She had a key hand in creating our Global House Tours, a way for our Ireland, US, and New Zealand-based teams to connect and share our work in progress. Always one to experiment, Amelia has also been trying out a new method for collaboration within the Christchurch office, where she is based.

She shared, “I’ve been trying to hold space for some of the leaders here to connect and have a safe space to support each other and help each other out. There’s been a lot of change in our organisation, which is scary, daunting and often very hard to navigate. But bringing a group of leaders together to collaborate and support each other has been?really rewarding, coupled with a little bit of imposter syndrome.”

Imposter syndrome comes up again for Amelia in this space, but she works her hardest to honor the unspoken by addressing the elephants in the room, and to give people a platform to share their experiences and observations. This hopefully has had a strong, positive impact on lifting the team up.

“We look at what is within our control, and what we can do to move things forward,” she shared, exemplifying that propensity for intentionality and clarity.?

When discussing what it takes to overcome that kind of imposter syndrome, “You need to have a quiet confidence, and to respect that it might not always be for everybody.”

Amelia dug into this a little more, and what she shared showed a tremendous amount of insight and empathy.

“People think leaders always have their stuff together, and to have all the answers, but that’s not always the case,” she shared, which also echoed what Amelia herself admitted about her own journey. “It’s like looking to Mom and Dad and going, ‘Oh, you know what’s happening; you know what you’re doing,’ and as soon as you go behind the Wizard-of-Oz curtain, you’re like, ‘Oh wow, things are held together with duct tape, Excel spreadsheets, and four key people, and if they quit, that whole place is going to fall apart!’ So it’s about getting over that fear and remembering that we’re all just people. We’re all just people trying to do something.”

Amelia observed that it took a lot of this refocusing, self-reflection, and self-hype to pump herself up to follow through on the vision that she was given the chance to lead, and to overcome those natural bouts of imposter syndrome. She’s an incredible leader, and she’s more than worthy of being a senior leadership voice on our team. That self-advocacy can make all the difference.

“You have to keep reminding yourself, ‘Why not you?’” Amelia highlighted. “You wanted this, and you’re doing it in your way. And then it’s about figuring out what your leadership style is.”

Leading Through Collaboration and Authenticity

When I asked Amelia what her style is, she said, “Collaborative!”

And this makes total sense. Amelia is a designer not only in profession but in life. She is ever-curious, always iterating on how she can be better, and always leaving room for team-driven discovery. So it makes sense that Amelia has been crafting this collaborative leadership style throughout her practice.

“I kind of already was on that journey,” Amelia reflected. “I had already been pulling people together. You can’t do anything on your own, especially in this business.”?

At Verizon, we have the opportunity to utilize tools like Clifton Strengthsfinder to get a holistic view of our top strengths. The process integrates insights from personality and career psychology, and it provides a framework and language for communicating how we best show up at work, and for our teams.

This team-focused approach is validated by Woo (or Winning Others Over!) being one of Amelia’s top 5 Clifton Strengths, and following that strength led to more opportunities to put her ideas about leadership into practice.

Amelia illustrated, “I was bringing people together, building networks, and fostering communities. We would go around and meet with other teams and share their learnings. Through that connection, I’d meet other leaders. We’d partner and talk, and practice lots of different types of leadership aspects. You grow in your confidence through actual experience.”

We chatted about how the variety of environments that Amelia has been in has helped, but also introduced new challenges, helping Amelia think about diverse perspectives consistently in her work, and maybe giving more context around why the travel and workshops that her team does is so key to their success.

“Being in different countries adds a whole other layer of complexity,” she stated. “We’re all lucky to get together for a few days. But imagine if we were working together in an office, and you could go have a glass of wine and a rant every now and again, or walk around the block. So our team building is around workshops, where we can talk and explore.”

Amelia also views her leadership style to be authentic.

“It’s been a big word as well,” Amelia pointed out, “showing up as myself. I know some people leave a lot of themselves at the door when they come to work. That’s not for me. I want to be as authentic as possible.”

She does this so well in modeling how to be vulnerable. This is one of the driving factors for Amelia’s new forum for leaders in the Christchurch office.

“It’s about holding space for leaders to be a little bit vulnerable and help each other out,” Amelia explained.?

I’ve seen first-hand how Amelia holds that space and creates that culture. She’s an expert in facilitation, and every expert facilitator knows to set the ground rules for each space that they’re creating. Time and time again, Amelia sets the tone by creating connections with each of her stakeholders, collaborators, and participants, and then establishing that vulnerability for the entire group, giving her audiences a short-hand language to express their ideas and views, and ensuring that the space is bolstered by respect and safety.?

Amelia drove home what is key to that success: “That is only created by real, genuine listening. Not listening to force your agenda, or listening to find something you want, but really listening to understand that person.”

This particular realization was a game-changer for Amelia, especially as she was progressing and maturing in her career. She shared that in her signature fashion: with self-reflection, with humility, and with service to young leaders everywhere.?

“That was an unlock for me that helped me move into being a manager,” she offered. “I don’t think I was really, really listening for a while there. I was just frustrated. I wanted to do certain things, and I thought we should do this way, or that way, or why weren’t we exploring this, or doing it like that. But I wasn’t actually listening to what this business leader was trying to do. What is the business problem, really? Until you can build individual relationships with really, really good listening, then you can feel confident in bringing them together. You kind of know a little bit about where each of them are going to come from, and then hold a space for everybody, and look after everybody in that space.”

Amelia holds special room in her heart for leaders like her, and honestly, like me: the people who are preoccupied with ensuring that everyone feels comfortable and safe; the “people-pleasers”; the hyper-aware who are looking out for danger; the people who are trying to make everybody happy.?

Based on that theme, I asked Amelia if her collaborative, authentic approach was unique to the challenges that women face as leaders. She shared fantastic insights about what might drive this approach to listening, communicating, and leading.?

First, she reinforced that her reflections and advice could apply universally.

“This could be for anyone,” she stated. “There are phenomenal leaders who are men. I’m thinking about Steve Arnold.”?

Amelia is referring to Steve Arnold , one of our Associate Directors of UX Design, based in Christchurch along with Amelia. She credits him with being able to listen with empathy in an incredibly genuine way, serving as a true mentor to her and our entire team.?

“But in the traditional world, men were told to be tough and get on with things, while women have a bigger support network of people,” Amelia pointed out.

That made me reflect on what society uniquely provides women.?

We have been talking about making space for women, for marginalized populations, and for new conversations. It takes Amelia’s kind of vulnerability to make space for those conversations.

But what if traditional gender roles inhibit you from being able to be vulnerable?

There is growing evidence that men need unique support for their mental health. According to the American Association of Medical Colleges and Men’s Health Network, men are experiencing a mental health crisis , which was exacerbated during the Covid-19 pandemic . This has been negatively impacting how men are showing up at work , as well as how everyone fares when part of a team or workforce that is dominated by men .

These articles talk about how men underreport their symptoms of depression and anxiety, and how men are less likely to talk about their vulnerability. This is a problem when we get feedback and see research on how important it is to be vulnerable to be a good leader .?

I started to wonder about how this might impact leaders who are men, and whether they are able to find those safe spaces as well.?

Amelia shared that thought, saying, “I think women naturally do this, and through that we grow a little bit faster when talking about vulnerability.”

It’s because of that allowance of discussion of our vulnerability that we’re able to talk about the pressures that we feel.?

A related topic that came up here is the hustle culture , and the toxicity it can bring, especially for women who are navigating a space that is transforming but still held by those traditional rules.?

There is a strong conversation about the toxicity of hustle culture and the negative impact it brings .

Amelia exemplified this trend, noting, “There’s a phenomenal amount of pressure on women to look good, be healthy, be fit, be strong, have amazing careers and side start-ups. And then as we step into roles as mothers and nurturers. We’re wearing so many hats, and there’s so much pressure, because we want it all. And then we look at social media, and we see people who appear to be having it all. And then we have mental breakdowns.”

“We have menty-bs!” I couldn’t help but chime in.

“One a month!” Amelia laughed. “One a week! One a day!”

I had to laugh, too. “One a day! For sure!”

Sharing Real Moments to Re-Center and Look to the Future

As we were chuckling with each other, I realized that it’s in these kinds of moments that I am most thankful for Amelia. Perhaps it’s partly due to gender norms, partly due to our shared generational context, and partly due to similar personalities in some way, but we are able to voice and share this feeling. We can be vulnerable, and we can try to relieve some pressure by relating to one another on a real, human basis.?

I think Amelia summed up where collective pressures come up for all of us, regardless of our individual contexts, identifications, and perceptions.

“There’s always contradictions within the pressure,” Amelia revealed. “I want a full life. I want to experience all the things, try all the things. But maybe that might be a lot of pressure, and we don’t look after ourselves. It ends up being to our own detriment.”

As she’s shown throughout our discussion, Amelia combats this by recentering on what’s really important to her.

“If you want to be a leader, and you want to do it well and not fall apart, you’ve gotta know your values. Your core, root values,,” she stated. “Otherwise, you will menty-b burn out. You’ll try and do everything, and you won’t know why you’re doing it. Spend a bit of time understanding your foundation, your roots, and your values. And they can change as well – that’s OK.”

It was powerful to see the two of us, in that moment, reflecting on where we are today, reflecting on our teams, and reflecting on relating to our teams through connecting with our younger selves.?

Here, I asked Amelia what she hopes for future generations of leadership.

“I hope we get away from this dog-eat-dog kind of culture, where people hold power over people, that old-school, military, ‘I’m the boss now, and I can tell everyone what to do,’” she shared. “Or people feeling like if they’re not the top boss, they can’t be vulnerable and share ideas, or fail and share their learnings. It’s ego. It’s based in fear. I hope that there’s more of a culture of With: people working together, being more, ‘I don’t have all the answers, but let’s work on this together’. I think that’s already happening, so I’d like to see more leaders presenting together. They’ve spent time together aligning their strategies, pulling their leaders together to build community between teams.”

There are some immediate challenges that do arise when thinking about this transformation.

“It’s tricky because you can’t always tie that to a KPI, but I think when you have better relationships, the work flows through the organization so much faster,” Amelia asserted. “We need to probably prove more of that, and that’s hard.”

And if you’ve been paying attention, you’ll know exactly how Amelia ended our conversation.

“What’s yours?” she asked, making space for me to share my thoughts for the future as well.

What came to mind is a very specific meeting that I had with Amelia and Michelle . We meet weekly to discuss our work, to brainstorm, and to help each other. We vent, and we celebrate successes. And in one meeting, I actually shared that I was feeling burnt out.

Both Amelia and Michelle actually thanked me for sharing that.

That is what I hope to see for the future. More spaces where we have teammates like Amelia, Michelle, and Alexa; like Steve Arnold; like Sean, Emily, and Clara; like Kelcey, Iris, and Ariel; like Stephen and Paul; like Alicia, April, and Kinnera; like, literally – and I’m truly not being hyperbolic here – all the people on our X Team, and our Verizon Connect team!?

Want to learn more about such leaders?

Keep reading #TeamTuesdays ! In the coming weeks, you’ll get more thinkpieces on leadership practices, more fantastic profiles on our Director, Alicia Nachman and our Senior Director, April Durrett , and more discussion about leadership perspectives. I'm excited to keep sharing more of what I’m observing as I dig into the research and experiences of team dynamics.

Thanks for reading, and see you next week for #Team Tuesdays !