Women fighting Infertility

Today I am not writing about HR or Recruitment matters. During my leave that is halfway gone, I have come across a different subject. A subject rarely spoken about, a subject almost feeling like taboo especially to be shared by a man.

Of women battling infertility.

Today I want us to start conversations in our circles on the matter of women and infertility. The psychological toll it takes, the financial pressure it places and the way the society wrings out any peace of mind they would desire.

You know, many of us have not had an opportunity to witness the struggles these women go through in our families, social circles, or workspaces because it is not a conversation that comes regularly. It takes a ton of consideration for a woman struggling with infertility to share their experiences.

Perhaps, being a HR myself; my position has allowed me to hear a couple of stories from women I have worked with basically to give me a glimpse on what was impacting their wellbeing at work. Other than that, I have seen a few women in my pretty large family struggle with the challenge. Some years ago, I even heard from one of my uncles about a woman who committed suicide in their young age (probably 1940s) for she was being taunted by others about her inability to bear a child.

If you have not seen or heard it yet; the taunting on infertility among women is very vicious. It comes from their immediate families, the families of their in-laws if they are married and from their own circles. Men and women alike, can tear into these women so mercilessly and drive them nuts and to points of hopelessness.

This pressure even makes it hard for them to carry to term the few pregnancies that they may be lucky to get as they suffer miscarriages and the subsequent pain mostly alone because may of them will also opt not to make public their pregnancy if it comes or the miscarriage. All that we see from the outside is a woman who is not bringing forth babies and sometimes assume that they are okay with their situation, or they are so from a choice they made not to have babies. They are trying furiously but quietly and the failure rate eats them to the core. However, we do not get to hear the stories around their struggles as they wish not to repeat their predicament over and over mostly to more and more people who end up twisting the tale, judging them or simply dismissing them.

Let me place a short note here about my mum who has had arthritis for many years. I do spend a considerable amount of time with her and every evening I would ask her how she is faring. He exact words are the same day in day out, “I do not wish to keep bothering you children with the pains in my joints and feet”. I would imagine it is the same thing the women around us who suffer infertility say to themselves and keep their stories tucked away.

Yesterday, I was able to find a story that was not tucked away but shared on Facebook by one of them in the link below:

It takes some boldness to speak out and I hope that more women (and hopefully men) can start opening up to the challenges they have faced on the fertility front. You will notice that almost all the comments and responses have only come from women, an attestation to the fact that we – men – are not playing a supporting role in this type of call. We generally assume – and are socialized so – that provided we have an erection, we are fertile. We will come to our infertility issues later on another post. For now, I want all men to head to that post and learn bits and pieces we have never known about women battling infertility. Then, send our contributions.

You know, in the traditional African society and in many of our communities; there were measures to cover for infertility among men. They existed and still exist among us but the elders always knew how to make their wives bear children nonetheless. The hows will be a story for another day as today we are speaking about women. However, we did not have so much provisions to support women battling infertility because pregnancy is very obvious so there was not much that could be done to have children brought into their families. The women would be subjected to the ridicule that has traversed generations to this very day and time.

Now, advancement in science has made it possible through IVF which is generally not cheap yet and those who are struggling with infertility can barely afford to raise the money required to access the intervention and their only likely hope to being mothers.

Let us come together and help this lady get funding and access to the much needed IVF so as to try one last time to get a baby of her own. You will notice from the very moving story that she has lost both her tubes, has had several miscarriages and has run out of the resources she needs to run this last attempt which I do feel will be the successful one using your support.

Drop in your contribution of whatever amount to M-changa:

Paybill – 891300. Account – 50275

Or:

The collections are under 10% of the required amounts but I know we have the 98% within us. Let us rally and deliver the baby to this lady. Then, let us open up our spaces for more candid conversations around infertility so as to make the world bearable for those who suffer it in silence.