Women of Colour: Break Free From The Likability Trap

Drawing on my own lived experience throughout my corporate leadership career, along with my extensive interactions with other women of colour trying to navigate their careers, there’s a recurring barrier that I've come to identify as the ‘likability trap.' This challenge, which I’m seeing more frequently as I coach and mentor women of colour, is deeply ingrained in workplace culture, profoundly affects promotion decisions, professional experiences, well-being, and the broader career trajectories of women of colour.??

The likability trap embodies the unspoken expectation that a competent leader, particularly a woman of colour, must also be perpetually pleasant, non-threatening, and, essentially, likable. This criterion sidelines our genuine selves, conflating likability with competence and pressuring us into becoming more digestible versions of ourselves. This, in turn, dilutes our leadership efficacy.

Our Reality in Corporate Spaces

Our professional lives are painted with paradoxical demands: "You should smile more," "Be more positive," "You look uninterested," "If only she were more polished," "Her tone is off-putting." These comments are not mere observations but reflections of systemic biases enforcing a specific model of likability. Misinterpretation of our assertiveness as aggressiveness highlights the skewed perceptions affecting our career advancements. This underscores the undervaluation of our contributions and challenges the criteria for assessing leadership potential.

The Cost of Pursuing Likability

The pursuit of likability often leads us to diminish our presence, silence our voices, and moderate our true selves, for fear of being deemed too much or unwelcome. What's lost in this pursuit is immeasurable: the strength of our unique perspectives, our capacity to challenge norms, inspire innovation, and authentically lead and connect with our teams. Ultimately, we risk losing ourselves.

Untwisting from Expectations: Overcoming the Likability Constraint

To break free or sidestep the likability trap, acknowledging it as a product of outdated standards and expectations is crucial. Embracing our authentic selves, even when fraught with risk or discomfort, empowers us. It involves speaking our truth, standing by our convictions, and utilizing our unique voices and perspectives. Supporting each other as women of colour in leadership fosters a collective strength, paving the way for those who follow.

Grappling with Leadership and Authenticity

The internal conflict faced by many of us—balancing the aspiration for senior roles against the sacrifice of authenticity and values—is profound. Leadership should not require diluting our identities or forsaking our principles. Yet, organizational cultures often demand such sacrifices, posing significant challenges for those aspiring to lead without compromise.

Finding Our Path Forward

Our authenticity is our greatest asset. Our diverse perspectives, resilience, and empathetic leadership are invaluable for instigating meaningful organizational change. Cultivating supportive networks and finding mentors who've traversed similar paths can provide essential guidance and solidarity. Moreover, initiating and participating in dialogues about the unique challenges confronting women of colour in leadership roles is vital for dismantling existing barriers and fostering more inclusive, equitable professional environments.

Authenticity as the Way Forward

True leadership is more than performative charisma. It’s about creating meaningful connections, understanding and addressing others' needs with empathy, and leveraging emotional intelligence to drive change. Leadership, anchored in genuine self-expression and vulnerability, is not just compelling but transformative. It champions environments where diversity of thought and authenticity are celebrated and rewarded.

Reflection

As we navigate the complexities of leadership as women of colour, it's crucial to reflect on our journeys and the challenges we face. Consider where you might be inadvertently caught in the likability trap. How does it manifest in your professional life, and how has it influenced your leadership??

By identifying where we are trapped by the need to be liked, we can start taking deliberate steps toward leading authentically, leveraging our unique strengths, and setting a new standard for what leadership looks like—without sacrificing our identity or values.

The risk may seem daunting, but the reward—a leadership landscape where women of colour thrive —is invaluable. Our collective action and insistence on change can release us from the likability trap, setting a new standard for leadership.

Next Up: Allies - Releasing the Likability Trap

Together, let’s pave the way for a future where women of colour can ascend and remain in leadership on their own authentic terms. I’m with you, every step of the way.

Rachel Baptiste is CEO of Lumen Consulting Group Inc., and an executive coach dedicated to transforming the narrative for women of colour in corporate spaces into one of authenticity, purpose, and empowerment at every stage of their leadership journey. Partnering with allies to take meaningful actions to foster cultures and systems where diversity truly thrives. Join her on this transformative mission.