Women behind your success

Even though the title of this post is pretty self-explanatory, I would like to start it by thinking about it. Who are they? Just think about them, and I invite you to go very far down the line. Perhaps you can start with your mother?

For me, my mom has been a huge role model in life. A progressive woman for her generation, she got me when she was almost 40, while she juggled motherhood, a challenging leadership role, and later, the life of an entrepreneur during the drastic change from socialism to capitalism in Poland. She gave me so many lessons of empowerment, love for being myself, courage to be different, and shoot for the moon, at the same time. Many years ago, even though I am her only child, she fully supported my decision to leave the country for the unknown, wide world. Since then, we have a remote relationship for most of the days and she is still the core person and a sparring partner for the moral compass decisions. There is a book, or better multiple books to be written about her so will leave it for that occasion to properly address her.

This powerful relationship shaped my view of the world, but it was soon contrasted with what I’ve noticed in society and throughout my own experience. Starting from high school, throughout academia, to working in tech, suddenly there were fewer women around. And they were mostly exceptional human beings, and professionals. Which doesn’t mean the men were not. Again, starting with my dad, the first ally I met, most of the men I met in my life: life-long friends, starting in high school and uni to very recent ones, colleagues, and romantic partners have been clever, supportive, inspiring, and decent human beings. This made me think, if that’s so, what is broken?

Sadly, my experience is not a reality for many women out there in the world. Starting from their early experiences, they don’t always see non-male role models in positions of power, and on the other hand, they may not meet allies on the way. I on purpose don’t use the binary masculinity-femininity format here, because this reality is true for all the underrepresented groups. For now, I would only like to focus on the experience of women, like me, even if e.g. white (and having a certain privilege related to it). I was born in Eastern Europe though, and even though now I own a European Union passport, it is a relatively new development to my country (now also considered a top economic and brain power in the world), and I know that ‘all palaces are just temporary palaces’ when we talk about the privilege and its fragility. Except from race, a very important component when we talk about it, I experienced all types of discrimination of life (and yes, those innocent jokes count) regarding: origin, ethnicity, religion, gender, preferences (be it sexual, familiar / child-freedom, neurodivergent, or dietary), age, ableism, body size, you name it.

The complexity and intersectionality of our experiences affect all women in the world. And I am not ready to write a book about it – despite that, the literature and research continue, so there are tons of material to read about it. I would like to talk about some simple yet very powerful action you can take to change the experiences of women surrounding you. In your family, friends circles, and at work.

Regardless of your gender, cherish the women behind your success and think about the support you can give them. If you are in a position of leadership, praise their work in public, as invisible work is one of the biggest detriments to empowerment: be it personal, financial, or professional.

Break the cycle by supporting female solopreneurs, colleagues, workers, leaders, female-led businesses, and causes. In my current role, I get to work with a lot of teams where the majority is formed by women who support the people development and leadership, often by invisible, diplomatic positive actions which require extremely high EQ, but are rarely recognized in public. When they commit an error, it usually has huge consequences on their personal brand and responsibility. Just think about your event planning teams, coordinators, marketers, not to mention life-saving female-dominated roles like nurses.

Thanks to very clever allies, I also learned how to work and live with men. Be direct, don’t settle, and ask for what you don’t always get: recognition (be it for the gesture in your private life, or completed work), and respect (by being treated fairly and according to the agreed terms).

At the end of the day, vouching for people behind your success will only get you further, and I would like to admit, even though often in a position of power and privilege, I am still a woman behind the success of various people of all genders, behind the organizations of various sizes.

I helped some people get their first, or their last job (both groups on the opposite spectrum of ageism). I mentored others to grow or reshape their careers (by advising on the education path / giving access to open source materials and communities, reviewing their approach to applying to roles, and coaching through the interviews and negotiations). I supported the leaders become more efficient in their people management roles (by giving them frameworks for limiting bias, expanding their network, and outreach strategy, giving feedback on their feedback conversations – both upwards and downwards). I contributed and impacted strategic conversations about the direction of the organizations, strategy related to people development, talent, ways of working, growth & sales, compliance, finance and facilitated agility and change around the world.

I will spare the paragraph to talk about my unpaid emotional work in my private life, but I am proud of my interventions out there too. Even though there is no division between these worlds in my opinion as they intertwine. TL;DR, your success will depend on your health, nutrition, sleep, safety, and emotional support you get from your friends, family, life companion(s), or lack thereof.

Now I proudly choose to always prioritize working with organizations that vouch for the development of their women in the typically underrepresented areas: technology and leadership. I choose to pass on my expertise, positive experiences, learnings and frameworks for the success of the future generations of leaders which will hopefully do the same, when they can.

And I am choosing to work with women and allies sharing my values for my own business. One of them, to whom I would like to dedicate this final paragraph, is Josefina. We only got to know each other this year, both undergoing a huge transition in our parallel lives, and sharing similar qualities: perseverance, authenticity, and a wish for a better way of building businesses. She is a woman behind this picture, and a valuable source of feedback regarding communication, brand, and the topic I dread / avoid: social media. Today we will have our final session and I would like to thank her for all these weeks of work together, feedback, and frameworks she shared with me. I would like to take her to the front, as she actually is, physically in this picture.

I wish the same to all the women who are my family, friends, business partners, sparring partners, ex-colleagues, current and future customers, and the invisible heroines who saved / helped me so much in my life: nurses, doctors, waiters, maids, cooks, YOU ARE EVERYWHERE and behind so many people’s success. I see you and I praise you. What about you? What do you do to make the invisible visible? Let's start the conversation and share the gestures that help women around the world.