A woman without an "Apology"

I am 

Ok

Being less

than you

than them

than anyone or everyone

It

Has

A turn

Of possibilities

I am

Ok

Being 

In mode

Of discovery

Instead 

Of 

Having arrived

I am 

Ok

Being a process

And 

Being 

Half broken

Half-healed

Because 

My power

Lies 

There 

Somewhere 

There 

In those 

Wrinkles of time

So as

I break down 

And build up 

And again break down

And again

Put me together

Everything New 

shows up

On the surface

And this 

Newness

Is very innate

So should I ask 

For forgiveness

From me

And from others

If my colors blind your eyes

As I put me on canvases

If my pace makes you dizzy

As I learn to make me walk again

If my voice seems to pierce 

As thousands of words frozen in fear - finally catch fire of bravery - a n d unleash 

If my dance seems foreign 

As I let the Chaos in me unwind

If my choices seem strange 

As I finally begin to make them

I welcome you

To stay 

Across my boundaries

You can be 

A very very distant Neighbour 

From a distant planet

As I understand me 

Should I apologize 

That 

Your understanding of me 

is not a priority

Even if I am incomplete 

I am always 

Completely in this journey 

Even if broken 

I feel wholesome

Even if at the bottom 

I am high on life 

as if I need to color and curate

Every rock that was thrown at me

Every curse to be softened 

Into music of prayer 

Every judgment to dissolve 

In acceptance of being different

I wish I had time 

And motivation 

To explain me to you

But my becoming is 

Intoxicating 

And My unbecoming is 

Addictive

Should I apologize 

That I am taller 

Than your opinion of me

Should I apologize 

That I never seek your validation

Your need- to approve me 

As normal

Bores me 

Should I apologize that why 

I am not thinking 

Of what you are thinking of me

Should I apologize 

For the joy of being alive 

That floods me in every single moment 

While you stare me down 

From a distant crown

Should I apologize 

That nothing you say offends me 

Because my mind has beauty to create 

And it doesn’t see your words as addition to the garden that it’s growing 

They carry neither the seasons 

Nor the seeds and nor the reasons for my being

The freedom 

That makes me fly 

Can’t wait for your understanding of wind

When the sky is my calling 

I won’t apologize for not having heavy feet

The art that 

Changes in me 

The art that 

Changes me 

That your eyes find defiant 

in your black and white world 

I won’t apologize for the vibrancy of the colors 

that Goddesses have splashed on me 

As rainbow of existence

I won’t apologize 

For the pride 

That resides in me 

For the dream

That ignites in me

For the lightness of laughter

For readiness of dance 

For the rejection of otherness 

For the blinding light that carries me 

Through any darkness 

That you scale before me

I won’t apologize 

For celebrating my process 

I won’t apologize for being the poem

That life decided to write on me 

That you may or may not get

I will flaunt 

My bare surface my brave surface 

my scarred surface my scared surface 

My flawed surface my rare surface

You Sir 

Are not part of this dance 

I am exhilarated 

In my solo fullness 

This is “MY FLAMENCO”

Defiance 2

A woman without an apology 

By 

Nivedita Lakhera

From the book 

I am not a princess I am a complete fairytale, available for preorder now on Amazon

https://www.amazon.com/not-princess-complete-fairytale/dp/0998434981