Woman, Why Feel Guilty?

Every year, on the occasion of International Women’s Day, our LinkedIn feeds get inundated with posts and articles elucidating the significance of this day in our lives. Varied discussions about the importance of women in the modern workplace and their evolving roles are carried out in these articles.

However, amid all these discussions, one pertinent question remains: why do women still find it hard to sometimes thrive in their workplace?

Let’s take a moment here and explore an important aspect of most women’s career- work-life balance.

After fighting for decades for equal rights, women worldwide have now been able to embrace the same. Working situations have vastly improved from 1857- when a group of female workers of a garment factory in New York had taken to the streets on 8th March to protest against the appalling work hours and work conditions they had to endure. 

But, even though we have been able to gain our rights back in the ‘70s and ‘80s, there is still a long way to go. And one of the monsters that women today are still fighting silently in their quest for work-life balance is Guilt.

Guilt is more common than you think.

Whether you are a woman entrepreneur or in the C-suite, mid-level or have just begun your career, you would have felt guilt gnawing at you. The demographic that is most familiar with this nagging feeling is working mothers.

Research shows that this feeling is common amongst working women from all socio-economic backgrounds, marital or parental status, race, religions, and nationalities. Guilt, unfortunately, is a feeling that tugs at the heartstrings of every professional woman’s life.

Unlike their male counterparts, most women feel torn between their responsibilities at work and in their personal lives. They feel guilty if they have to stay late in the office in the evening because that might mean they will not be reaching home in time to prepare the dinner. Such dilemmas are ever-present in a woman’s life. From feeling guilty of not spending enough time with a partner to feeling torn when having to choose between a parent-teacher meet and an investor meeting. 

This sense of guilt just doesn’t stop with these mundane responsibilities of daily life. For instance, women have been known to feel guilt over having to give up promotions because that would entail in more travel or a transfer to another location. They are known to bend over their back to play the perfect hostess even if that means juggling their duties at work and home constantly.

The thing that can trigger this feeling of guilt in women in never-ending- from not working enough to not doing more for their families to work-related pressure.

This naturally leads to a series of questions.

Do men feel as torn as women when it comes to striking this balance? Or is it a bigger issue for the women only?

Or do women feel this way because for generations they have fulfilled the role of a homemaker and it has been only in the recent past that they have started to work?

The issue might be that society still expects the women to be the primary care-givers and excel at everything that they do. Although women have become economic providers, society has different expectations about boundaries separating work and family life for men and women.

When we dig deeper, we find that the issue of work-life balance is a bit more complex. Studies reveal that the problem is greater than the actual allowance of work-life.

So what is it then?

Most large organizations across the globe are now providing flexible work schedules and other benefits to enable their employees to find some semblance of work-life balance. However, sometimes employees feel guilty of taking advantage of it.

While the flexibility provided by employers has enabled women to manage work and family life just as well as any man, it is interesting to know that they still feel more guilty about the ever-diminishing lines between professional and personal lives. Some ideas are so ingrained in our psyches that it is truly a challenge to come out of them. This is one such scenario.

Here’s an interesting tidbit. According to a survey, 96% of women feel guilty about various things at least once a day. This guilt is eating at their self-confidence, energy, and ability to focus. This can also be detrimental to the overall mental and emotional wellbeing.

What Can We Do?

Sometimes the solutions to difficult problems are really simple ones. In this case, if we women just start supporting each other instead of trying to “balance” everything, then all of us would be better off. We need to collectively enable each other to let go of this unnecessary guilt.

Below are a few tips to cancel this guilt trip and living up to the ‘superwoman’ image:

1. Prioritize- Know what you want and set priorities. Prepare a list of non-negotiables and refer them in a conflicting situation. While this may seem a difficult thing to do, just as with everything else- practice will make this easier.
2. Be Present- When you are at work, be 100% there. When you are with your family, be 100% with them. Again something that will become easier with time but will make a huge difference in your life.
3. Get Help- Let’s be practical here. It is not possible for you to shoulder all the responsibilities in this world. Identify the areas where you can do with a little help and go for it. That might mean asking a family member to take care of your kid while you get some work done or might even mean hiring someone to help with your chores. There is no one-size-fits-all. You have to do what works best for your situation. 
4. Take time off- While this might not be possible always and will depend largely on the policies of your workplace, it is crucial to understand that sometimes taking time off is the best solution. Once you prioritize your life, it is especially necessary to stick to that. And taking time off is one of the workable solutions in some of those cases.
5. Say no- Enough has been said over the years about the power of saying no. This mantra is applicable in this context as well. Learn to identify situations in both your workplace and in your personal life where saying no means saving your sanity. You do not have to attend each and every family function to please everyone. Neither do you have to slog at your desk every day after most people leave. Saying no is a powerful tool that allows you to strike a balance between your “work” and your “life”.

It is true that Women’s Day will come and go every year. But what really can have an impact is making a change by taking steps in the right direction. Even if the steps seem small at first, with time they will bring the effects that we want to see around us. Until that happens, women will keep on battling with feelings of guilt while striving to find the ever-elusive work-life balance.

This article has been authored by Rashi Goel & Somrita Sen and was published on LinkedIn on 8th March 2020.