As a Woman

I am a woman. I am also: of primarily Armenian descent, of middle age, a mother, a lawyer, a spouse, a tax payer, a cancer survivor, a wedding officiant, a yoga enthusiast, and a lover of any dance floor. I could list a hundred more qualities, experiences, and interests which help introduce you to the "whys" behind the dreams I've fostered, the moments I've celebrated, the causes I've supported, the journeys I've traveled. As could you. None of us is just one thing. I am many "things," one of which is: woman.

During my lifetime, the world has increasingly recognized the need to better hear women's voices, elevate women's experiences, incorporate women's values, and celebrate women's contributions. In 1975, the United Nations recognized its first International Women's Day (IWD).

This year, the IWD theme is #BreaktheBias. The gist of this theme is to "show [y]our commitment to calling out bias, smashing stereotypes, breaking inequality, and rejecting discrimination" by posting a photo with (y)our arms in an X across (y)our chest which somehow shows solidarity. I get it; I do. Yet I am so deeply disheartened by the messaging.

As a member of this community of "women," I wholeheartedly wish we communicated a message of embrace instead of blockade. Not just in this simple photo exercise, but in all things. I wish we invited and welcomed others to hear what we want to share, to thoughtfully understand our examples supporting our perspectives. "Be with me." "Get to know me." "Ask me your questions so that you can learn how I experience womanhood and how membership in this particular group might also inform my opinions on career or family or politics or discrimination or love."

To me, a woman among a variety of other identifiers, connection is far greater than "rejection." Of course I reject discrimination, but I prefer to enlighten others who don't know what it looks like... and what it feels like. While "smashing stereotypes" and "calling out bias" sound like thunderbolts of awakening, these are not reflective of how I want to move forward as a woman, or as a person, or as a nation. I do not thrive in an environment of shame and blame. I want to start with a foundation of honesty and inclusion. I want to create the calm and open forum necessary for us to learn about one another. I want to offer insight into why that statement/belief/policy/program/denial might set me back arbitrarily on the basis of only my gender. I want to dispel assumptions and deepen respect. I want to teach and discuss and learn. I want to remind us that all women are different! And I want you to know I am a safe recipient of your curiosity. Go ahead; ask me what you want to know about what womanhood means to me. Grant me the time to share my perspectives, my heartaches, my frustrations, my joys. I will not be offended; I will be honored.

Especially in America where we pride ourselves on being the "melting pot" of cultures and backgrounds and diversity, I want to encourage dialogue. Especially in America where our trajectory continues to hold promise, I want to respect and value my brothers and sisters as my equals. If the goal is to #BreaktheBias, I propose that we women lead the discussion without apology and also without animosity. Let's build community through communication. Let's carry the torch that our older sisters kept ablaze for us, and let's make our younger sisters proud that we chose not to burn down the house but to light up the sky. As a woman, this is my choice for us all.

I invite your thoughtful comments with my open ears and my sincere desire to learn from you.