Be a woman. Don`t sit in the corner.

Since we`ve been little girls others often were telling us to behave politely, smile, dress nicely (ideally in pink dresses), play quietly. They were also forbidding us to interrupt others, use bad words, get angry and shout, get into fights, jump on trees, play in mud etc. In addition, we have been fed with fairy tales about princess in beautiful dress, with long hair who patiently waits for her prince to rescue her. From a very beginning we got quite clear message what we should and should not be, what we should and should not do, what is expected from us. And if we add to that package traditional family model (mum cooking every day, cleaning the house, doing laundry, taking care of everyone but herself) – well, then catastrophe is guaranteed. I do exaggerate on purpose – but I can imagine that many of us carry such baggage of experience, at least to some extent.

Any girl that has been raised in similar environment, with such expectations has high chances to become a woman with low self-esteem, who puts needs of others` (partner`s, children`s, colleagues`, manager’s etc.). at first place. And she lives with strong belief, that if she tries harder, if she helps others`, if she takes over most of responsibilities at home, if she becomes irreplaceable, she will be then loved, appreciated, noticed, fulfilled. And unfortunately, this is a fairy tale she lives in in her grown-up life.

Ok, so how can we cope as adults with such baggage? There is nothing left, but to take control of your life – no one else will do it for you. You can of course blame your parents, unhappy childhood or your environment for your misfortune, failures, lack of career, insecurity, low self-esteem, overweight etc. But what does this attitude give you? It will not help you to move forward, you will not feel better about yourself, but will be stuck in the same place, feeling sorry for yourself and your bad luck. Isn′t it a waste of time?

There is another option, more difficult, requiring additional effort and accepting some discomfort. It starts with stopping blaming others for your own misfortune and taking responsibility for your own life. Most important is to start, get off the couch, and take a first step. Every day few small steps, day by day. If you don’t do it, no one will do it for you.

If I look back at a younger me, when I was 25-30 years old and when I look at myself today, I see two different women. The one today is way more confident, she believes in herself (there are still moments when I get stuck and question my abilities. And it is ok!), she knows what she wants from life and how to get it, and she takes responsibility for every success and every setback that she`s facing. Where I am today I owe to myself, my hard work, my development, consequence and resistance. I did of course meet the right people on my way, and I used at the right time opportunities that showed up. Having luck is also important and might influence our life, but I am strongly convinced that in 80% of the time we have an impact on our life, by taking (or NOT taking) some decisions and actions.

If I really want to achieve something, I do not sit quietly in the corner, but instead I consciously act and build my position: I learn, I take new challenges to gain new experience, I develop relationships with others, I am consistent with my personal values and actions. Over the years I have developed a strong belief that if I want something, my first step is to take full responsibility for my actions. If I want to develop myself, I do not go to my manager and say: “hey, develop me”. I take care of that myself – I invest my time to learn new skills, I take additional tasks, beyond my scope of responsibilities to gain new experience. Do not wait for your company or your boss to develop you. Your employer can support you in your development, but 80% of work is on you, not the other way around.

Another thing – sometimes we mix development with promotion. Unfortunately, some people focus not on developing themselves but mainly on being promoted. They want to be promoted as soon as possible, with as little effort as possible. If you want to take more responsible or better paid job in the future, if you want to be promoted for managerial position, put your main focus on gaining new knowledge and experience, find where you are at your best and make most use of it. Ask yourself a question: what makes me unique? Where am I at my best? And then aim to reach a master level. Along the way accept the fact that additional effort is necessary, that you will fail (probably more than once), and that it takes time. But believe me – it is worth it. But do it for yourself, not for your parents, your boss, not for your company, not for acceptance and recognition of others, but for your own development, and your own satisfaction.

We are what we focus on. If you focus all day long on your weaknesses, on what is still missing, on what you do not have and have not achieved yet – you will be stuck in the same place, feeling frustrated. If you choose to focus on what you want to achieve in your life, what you want to change, if you create a plan with specific actions and then start acting (yes, just like that), you will see soon first results. Appreciate every small win at first, each of them will strengthen your self-confidence. Believe me – it is working.

Notice opportunities that show up and take advantage of them, do not think it`s not for you. There is an open position in your company which sounds interesting? Go to your manager and ask if you can apply. And if you hear you are not ready yet, don’t leave the office with the feeling of failure to cry later at home, but ask right away for specific arguments: what is missing, what do you need to learn and/or develop in order to apply in future. With such approach you achieve two goals: you give your manager a clear sign that you are interested in further development and at the same time you get important information in what areas you still need to improve or gain more experience.

You and only you are in charge of your life, both private and professional. You decide what you want to believe in. You decide if you want to put yourself and your needs at first place or not. You decide if you want to take care of yourself and your development. You decide with whom you want to stay friends, you decide with whom you want to spend your life. You decide what people you want to be surrounded with – those who pull you up and want best for you or those who pull you down and focus on your failures. And you at the end decide if you want to be, feel and act as the winner or as the victim.

And if you don’t take any decision, this is still your decision. The choice is yours.