#WOBWednesday: You! Yeah, you!...Stop Pointing Fingers

Now that I have your attention, we need to talk. Things are getting out of hand. This finger pointing has got to stop.

I can hardly read a newspaper, scroll though my social media feed, or even sit at a restaurant without witnessing people pointing fingers at one another and blaming each other for what is not working in America today.

This makes me deeply sad as a human, an American, and a political Scientist (by education).

When I was young, “Annie Hall” was my favorite movie. For those of you who are unfamiliar with it, “Annie Hall” is a Woody Allen film starring Diane Keaton in the title role, and it won the 1978 Academy Awards for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Original Screenplay, and Best Actress.

In the movie, Allen essentially plays himself: a liberal, NY Jew who is a comedy writer and standup comedian. There are many great lines in this layered study of relationships and personal growth, but the one I have been thinking a lot about lately is, “I’m a bigot, but for the left, fortunately.” Woody’s character Alvy makes this quip in response to being called out by another character for stereotyping her in a hypocritical way while standing backstage at an Eisenhower rally, which brings me to today.

There is so much hypocrisy abounding on social media, in the press, in politics, and in the streets. Some Americans are outraged over Trump’s name calling while referring to him using a litany of derogatory terms. That is hypocritical.

Other Americans are attempting to shame Jennifer Lopez and Shakira for their revealing Super Bowl Halftime costumes, while clapping for cheerleaders on the sidelines of the same game who are dressed in virtually identical outfits leaving the same swaths of skin uncovered. That is also hypocritical.

Another group of Americans claims life is so precious it should be protected from the moment of conception, yet they vote for policies that prevent sick adults and children from being able to afford healthcare and medicines they need to survive like insulin for diabetes. That, too, is hypocritical.

Remember, the definition of hypocrisy is: “a feigning to be what one is not or to believe what one does not : behavior that contradicts what one claims to believe or feel [my emphasis].” (Merriam-Webster.com) And the definition of bigot is: “a person who is obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her own opinions and prejudices.”

The problem I see today is that we are all seem to be acting like Alvy in "Annie Hall," as if our bigotry is okay as long as it is for our side of the argument.

I am here to tell you, that just isn’t so.

Devotion to your own prejudices does not make your hypocrisy ok. Just as devotion to my own prejudices, regardless of my beliefs or the injustices I have suffered, does not make my hypocrisy ok, either.

What our hypocrisy does do is shine the light on what we are actually committed to.

Hypocrisy shows I am committed to norms for some but not for all. For example, the people who are upset that Nancy Pelosi tore up her copy of Trump’s State of the Union address but are not upset that Trump failed to shake her hand are holding the two leaders to different standards of decorum.

Hypocrisy shows I am committed to my life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness but not yours. For example, some citizens are ardently committed to their right to purchase, own, and shoot guns but not their neighbor’s right to go to school or the movies or Walmart without being shot and killed.

Hypocrisy shows I am committed to pointing out your biases—conscious or unconscious—but not my own. For example, some people lambast others for using slurs against one group while acting as if the way they describe the offending individuals is not also insulting and discriminatory.

Hypocrisy shows I am committed to my group, my opinions, my policy preferences, my political party, my legitimate outrage over historic atrocities more than my espoused ideals. Hypocrisy shows where I—and you and they—draw lines in the sand.

So what can we do to turn the tide on the tsunami of hypocrisy flooding all our lives?

First, I think we could start by acknowledging that we are all hypocritical in some instance, form, or fashion at least some of the time. That we seem it have in common.

Next, I think we could all benefit from remembering that, as my grandmother used to say, “When you point one finger at me, three fingers are pointing back at you.” I encourage us all to ask ourselves, “How does the finger I am pointing at you, point back at me and show me where I get to grow?”

America, my countrymen and women and non-binary individuals and fellow humans who don’t align with any notion of gender, it is time for us to each take a long, hard look in what Elvis Costello beautifully called, “The Deep Dark Truthful Mirror.”

Are we willing to look and see that we the people—all of us in different measures—are in this mess together?

We have stood on our sides of the dividing lines and claimed, like Woody Allen’s character in “Annie Hall”, that our bigotry was the acceptable bigotry, because it is for the left or for the right or for wherever we stand.

We have bought into the “us and them” paradigm that tells us if one side wins the other side loses. While "us versus them" makes sports rivalries more exciting, sells newspapers, and baits clicks, it flies in the face of "we the people." And by accepting this win/lose paradigm to be true, we have all already lost—the question is merely what have we lost.

Some of us have lost credibility.

Some have lost the moral high ground.

Some have lost cherished lifestyles.

Some have lost jobs and homes.

Some have lost our sense of self.

Some have lost loved ones.

Some have lost their lives.

Admittedly, not all these losses are equal. Some are losses of life. Others are losses of liberty. Still others are losses of the pursuit of happiness.

The founding fathers listed all three of these as inalienable rights in the Declaration of Independence. I assert that they are listed in priority order: life first, liberty second, and pursuit of happiness—not being happy, but the pursuit of being happy—third.

Are we willing to stop pointing fingers at each other and start asking questions, like:

• What do we all share in common? (Our humanity; our certainty of death; our desire to be safe, healthy, fed, housed, and loved; our hope that our children's lives will be better than ours)
• What do we all want that we can agree on? (Healthcare? Education? Drinkable water? Clean air? Safe streets? Personal autonomy?)
• How can we come together around the things we all care about and find solutions that work well enough for all of us?

Once upon a time not so long ago (244 years), our forefathers came together and did just this.

Yes, they owned slaves.

Yes, they ignored the requests of their wives to, as Abigail Adams implored her husband, “remember the ladies.”

Yes, they were all white men who owned land they and their fathers had taken from indigenous people.

Still, they came together. They discussed and debated what mattered most to them. They found workable common ground. They spoke and wrote of their differences and disagreements, but they did not let that stop them from forming a more perfect union.

Yes, we are living with the legacy of that more perfect, but still highly imperfect, union.

And yes, the burden of that imperfection is not carried equally among us. Not by a long shot. And it never has been.

Knowing all that, can we be our fathers’ daughters and sons and non-binary and intersex offspring, take a play from their playbook, and come together to find a way forward?

If we want this union to survive, we must.

And if we don’t come together, the finger pointing and hypocrisy will surely and completely tear us apart.

So what will it be, America?

The choice is ours and the moment is now.

A personal reflection about today's blog: Before I hit "Publish," I paused to ask myself how my white privilege and unconscious bias might be showing up in what I've written. How, I wondered, will my LGBTQ+ friends, brown-skinned life partner, immigrant bestie, disabled colleague, and members of other historically discriminated against community members hear this message? How can I honor their experience and the life-and-death issues at play for them right now, while still pointing to the hypocrisy I see on both sides of the public discourse? What can I do to be an ally and advocate and accomplice in the fight for human rights for all, knowing that individuals in these groups have a longer and harder battle both behind and ahead of them before they can fully enjoy life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness in the ways afforded to me?

I almost didn't publish this blog, because I was uncertain of the answer. Then I thought about Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., and Nelson Mandela. I recalled that these men refused to let the name calling and violence of their oppressors become the excuse for them to name call or resort to violence. That each man in his unique voice echoed the same sentiment..."be the change", "hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that," and "to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others."

So let's be the change, do it with love, and respect and enhance everyone's freedom. It is the only way forward.