Wish I Hadn't Said That!

You know how when you’re really worked up about something and you might do or say something that you later regret? We’ve all been there. The part of you making you do this is your irrational (hot) side coming out due to the heightened emotions of the moment. Later, when you’ve calmed down and now realize what you could have done better or differently, that’s your logical (cool) side coming forward and thinking more clearly.

Don’t we all wish we could always stay on the calm side and never lose our cool? How many times have you thought of the perfect comeback, except it’s too late and the moment has passed?

After something like this happens, you might say to yourself, “I’ll never do that again” or “Next time I’ll do this….” And maybe you will do it differently next time. But there’s also a good chance you won’t, and you’ll repeat the same thing all over again. That’s because our irrational brains are, well, irrational. They don’t think clearly and logically when we’re heated up. And, to make it worse, sometimes that same part of brain makes excuses that forgive the behavior making it even more likely we’ll repeat it.

Keep this in mind when you’re heading into a negotiation or tough discussion. It is entirely likely and normal for your crazy brain to take over and mess things up for you. To counteract this, take some time to think ahead about what it is you want or are asking of from the other person. Here are some additional tips on navigating that conversation.

The other thing you can do is take some time afterwards to reflect on where things went wrong and why. Don’t beat yourself up! Remember that we humans all make mistakes and, thankfully, we have the chance to change and grow. Giving yourself time to reflect will increase your chances of doing it better next time. For more on handling negative emotions, click here.

If you’re trying all these things and the conversations with your significant other still go off the rails, maybe a neutral third party – a mediator – can help keep things on track. I’m always happy to hop on a call to see if mediation might be a good fit for you.