Wise Words of a 23 Year Old

Well now that you’ve come this far, hear me out…..

So you may be asking yourself why a 23 year old would have any wise words worth listening to? That might be a valid point. Which is why you can decide whether or not you want to continue reading after evaluating these next few thoughts:

Have you ever doubted what direction to go in life?

Thought that you could get through a life challenge without help?

Felt like your problems are different than everyone else’s?

If you haven’t had any of those thoughts than you may not need to continue reading.

For the rest of us, here’s my point. At some point or another, we question ourselves, our path, our thought process, or those around us because we are all human. It’s natural. The challenge is whether or not we will find answers to our questions. Before I go further, I want to state that I am not claiming to have all the answers. That would be far from the truth. Something I learned from an early age is to find people who have the answers and seek them out. This was helpful when it came to developing as a goalie in ice hockey, improving in school, or learning how to be effective in interviews and professional settings entering the job world. Every time a new experience was coming up in the future, I would find someone who had already gone through that experience and learn what I could to prepare. This didn’t happen for every situation but it did for many of them. Often there were times where I had to set my ego aside, and admit that I didn’t know something before I could begin to think about asking for help. This aspect has been and will continue to be a struggle for me since I am a driven, competitive person by nature. Most of my battles have come from internal struggle to whether or not I trust myself to evaluate a situation and make the best decision. That thought process can lead to over analyzing and stressing about potential results rather than making a decision. Outsourcing my questions to people who have already gone through a similar situation saves my mind from these unproductive battles and unnecessary stress. However, this does not mean you shouldn’t think for yourself. I know that may sound confusing, but I’ll explain. Being able to determine WHO can help you in different areas of life is not just an activity, but a skill. A skill that can be developed through trial and error….or by identifying a few traits to narrow it down:

1.    WHERE Do I Need Help?

This varies for everyone, which is why you should start here. Figure out the area you are struggling in. Sports, School, Finances, Relationships, Health, Faith, Happiness, Career, etc. The list is endless, but the important thing to focus on is that you have to decide WHERE you need help before you can discover why.

2.    WHY Do I Need Help?

Frequently this part is passed over because we are eager to fix a problem. The issue with that is if we don’t understand why we need help, it becomes very difficult to move to the next step. For example, why someone might need help in sports is very different from why someone might need help in health. Both areas are related through physical activity, nutrition and many other aspects. The reason for potentially needing help in sports could be to improve a skill to be more effective at a higher level. A reason for needing help in the department of health could be that someone is wanting to lose 15 lbs to reduce their risk of heart disease. The solution to both could be eating better and spending more time in a concentrated area of physical activity or training. The difference is that determining WHY you would need help first can lead to identifying the correct person to get help from. AKA the WHO

3.    WHO can help me?

This has become my favorite part of life. Being able to discover the right people to guide me through life has been a journey in and of itself. What I have come to understand is that once you are at this step, you can ask yourself a few questions to clarify if a person is the right person to pursue for help.

·      Can this person help?

This is where you should start. The credibility of the person you are potentially going to get help from needs to be a priority. If they have not been successful in the area you are needing help, then they most likely won’t be able to help you personally. For instance, I would not have ever gone to my basketball coach to ask how I could become a better goalie in hockey. It seems simple but think of it this way. How many people ask for financial or relationship advice from their peers and friends? I know I have. Keep in mind that this isn’t a bad thing, but it may not be the most effective way to get help. There are some exceptions if you have a friend who is experienced at developing wealth or is known for building quality relationships. In that case, you could ask them for help. The main thing is to be aware of the results the person you are seeking out has created.

·      Does this person care?

For the case where your friend is the one you’re seeking help from, this may be obvious. For other situations it may not be as clear. This is where understanding another person’s perspective is key. If the other person doesn’t truly care to help you, then I think you can imagine what kind of help you might get from them. However, if a person has a vested interest in you either emotionally, financially, or spiritually, then the help you may receive from them can be way beyond what you were originally expecting. The way to develop the right dynamic is by building trust with that person. Especially if it is someone you don’t already know.

·      Can I trust this person?

If you’ve made it to this part of considering someone to seek help from, then really pay attention. I didn’t realize the importance of what I’ve learned about this portion until going through some experiences of my own. I always thought that trust was developed by the other person proving to me why I could trust them. That is a factor but it is not a one way street. For mutual trust to be formed it takes both sides and a lot of communicating. The good news is, developing the ability to form trust is extremely valuable in all areas of life. So working on this may take time but it is very worthwhile. The old adage that “Trust takes years to build, seconds to destroy, and forever to repair” is an accurate description of its value. It is built when both people are aware of the goals of each other, and when their expectations of each other are clear.

Once you have gone through this method of seeking help, then there is one more thing to do. Convince that person why they should help you! People like helping those who want and will appreciate their help. Depending on the situation, you may need to tone back your excitement, but for the most part all hunger to learn resonates well with people. If you can balance the surface level excitement with showing the other person that you are committed to learning and actually will implement what they teach you, they will be happy to help you.

Just remember that with everything I have said, it has been from my own experience. One thing I would go back and improve upon earlier if I could, would be to reach out for help earlier in some situations. I realize now that waiting for someone to grab me and offer their help is pretty unlikely. It is especially unlikely if that person is busy working toward their own goals, developing themselves, and helping others who have earned their guidance!

To summarize, determine:

1.    WHERE you need help

2.    WHY you need help

3.    WHO can help you (pursue them like crazy)

I hope this article helps you identify the right person in your life that you could potentially receive help from! If you are struggling in any area specifically or have questions regarding how to do that, feel free to message me personally and I can give any feedback to help steer you in the right direction.

Best Regards,

Sam

SamsSide