The "Wisdom" of a Whippersnapper

Yesterday I turned 32.

It’s a strange age, being caught between still feeling young and yet being so very tired. Some tell me I'm old whilst other dismissively remind me that I'm "just a whippersnapper" (whatever that means?). I have made it to this point in life with more scars than I expected, but also more gifts than I would have thought. Life is a curious combination of gift and loss, isn’t it?

I spend a lot of time crafting content for seminars/conferences etc. and so the trap of just "churning" out sentiments is something I am acutely aware of. Sometimes I'll write something that I'm not sure about. Not because it isn't true but because genuine wisdom is something that you have fought for. Wisdom leaves a wound.

So here is some wisdom that has at the same time both wounded and defined me. Make of it what you will. I hope it helps.

1. Life is just life.

Things happen that both surprise and overwhelm you. There is beauty but there is also horror, joy as well as suffering. As far as I know there are no formulas to make it easier. No magic here. There are some things you can control but a great many others that are out of your control and any attempt to try and gain control will spin you further into chaos. Life twists and turns without regard for our feelings or wellbeing. But this sentiment isn’t a deep dive into nihilism, it is a recognition that whilst I am responsible for a great many things, life itself is not one of them. It is wild and untameable. Rather than opposing its many waves there is a peacefulness to be found in learning to be carried by them. When we try and control life, whether through prayer, or denial, or sheer force of will, we neglect one of the deepest truths: life is here, now. To begin living from a place that you are not is a terrible place to begin.

2. Discover your truest self.

Someone once told me that your teenage years are for experimenting with different versions of who you are, and then in your twenties you have a narrowed these versions down to a few strong candidates. Your thirties, then, are for learning the rhythms of this true self. After this – the second half of life – you truly lean into life as the person you were created to be. Don’t mistake this sentiment as a nod to the myriad self-help gurus and positive thinking books out there. To be truly yourself is more than self-care and belligerent posturing. To be honest about ourselves is to do the immensely difficult work of both acknowledging our beauty and facing our darkness. We are both light and shadow, good and evil. The old stories of heroes and villains are just distractions from the war that rages within us, the one we all sense deeply. To know yourself is to understand what makes you wonderful, and to be honest about what is twisted and ugly. Lean into the former, but never forget the latter. A very wise friend on mine often says that “we are neither the giants of our dreams nor the dwarves of our nightmares. We are simply us.”

3. Take responsibility.

This isn’t sexy, but it is liberating. The best wisdom I ever received was from a set of American motivational tapes when I was thirteen. The speaker said, “you only have to do two things in life: die, and be accountable for all of your decisions.” The freedom that comes in recognising this truth is incomparable to any other feeling. It is mirrored by wise folk like Victor Frankl, who reminds us that the only freedom we truly have is to be responsible for the choices we make. I have not made it this far without accruing wounds more painful that I would have thought. Some were self-inflicted, others inflicted upon me, but in all of life’s most difficult moments I know this simple truth: I have agency, because I have integrity. I am responsible for who I am in this moment. I take responsibility for it all.

4. Drink deeply.

Gin? Yes. But also; life itself. There is much beauty here. There is difficulty too, but whilst the good things in life don’t always soften the hard bits, neither do the difficulties make the good things untrue. Life is not waiting for us on the other side of our achievement, it is happening right now among us. There are no ‘good old days’, there are just days. And they come one at a time. Learning to be attentive to the present moment is a remarkable gift, and one I have yet to master.

5. Cling to goodness.

My single conviction about God is that God is good. If this is true, then we as humans are from goodness and for goodness. Many people will try and add an appendix onto this goodness, or a caveat. Don’t let that happen. Believe what you will, but remember that intention and effect are deeply connected, and therefore that which is good must cause good otherwise goodness is to be questioned. I have not a single doubt that God is remarkable in goodness and abounding in love. I don’t always see it, and I certainly don’t always feel it. It often makes little sense of my life and world, but I still know it to be true. Some things are beyond doubt.

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Jon Bergmann is a dynamic communicator, a public educator and a passionate agent for behavioural change in organisations. He is the founder and director of Hatch Learning & Development, a company aiming to help people live lives filled with meaning and fuelled by purpose. He works with companies in a range of different industries to help them establish or sustain cultures of connection, creativity and innovation by providing seminars, workshops or longer-term learning & development partnerships.

“Jon has always operated with integrity, efficiency and ambition. As a speaker he always inspires, motivates and brings a big picture perspective. Through Hatch L&D he has brought that same formidable skillset to the table” – Scott Ingram, Director Helium Digital Marketing

“An outstanding communicator and leader. Jon challenges assumptions and shifts mindsets and behaviours by bringing researched and thought-provoking concepts to the forefront of his work” – Amelia Pickering, BD Manager Menzies Health

“Highly competent and confident, but with a strong ability to build a rapport with his listeners, Jon is able to promote change and challenge people to deeper levels of thinking and action” Dave Kilpatrick, CEO Carey Group

“Jon is a thought-leader for current generations; a gifted presenter and an authentic, inspiring and challenging communicator” Jennifer Argue, Executive Principal CBC