The Wisdom of "What?"

This morning a client asked me how to get his team members to solve their own problems so they don't have to come to him all the time.

I embarked on (what I admit turned into) a lecture on the power of the wonderful GROW model (Tim Gallwey and Sir John Whitmore) as a way of helping others think for themselves.

When I finished, the client paused and said, "So, if I understand correctly, I should start all my questions with 'What' not 'Why'. Is that right?"

As so often happens in my work I was humbled by the simplicity and perspicacity of his summary and it took a few seconds before I found the voice to say "Absolutely" and "What a brilliant way of putting it."

Here's why: when you start a question with the word "What" it opens the mind of the responder and invites them to have and share thoughts they might not have had before. This is why "What" questions are known (to we coaches) as "Wisdom Access Questions". They give the client access to their own (often unknown) wisdom.

Some executives argue that starting a question with "Why" does exactly the same thing. It doesn't. "Why" has an interrogative tone that can make the responder feel defensive. Rather than open up thinking, "Why" closes it down. Even worse, "Why ..." is usually part of a sentence that sounds like "Why don't you (do this brilliant thing that I have just thought of)?", which is guaranteed to stop the other person thinking for themselves.

By contrast, questions that start with "What" invite the responder into a safe, reflective moment in which their thoughts, insights creativity and brilliance are the focus.

Give it a go. Ask yourself these "Why" and "What" questions and notice the difference:

• "Why did this happen?" versus "What were the causes of this situation?" Or,
• "Why didn't you complete the project?" versus "What were all the things that got in your way?" Or finally,
• "Why don't you like this idea?" versus "What don't you like about this idea and what would change your mind?"

Hopefully you can see that "What" questions are 'safer' and less threatening than "Why" questions. When we feel threatened our brain narrows its focus as it prepares us for 'fight or flight'. In this state creative, reflective and brilliant thinking is all but impossible.

However, when we feel safe our brain relaxes into high-performance mode in which reflective, creative and brilliant thinking is much easier.

My challenge, therefore, to anyone who wants to help colleagues (or family members for that matter) feel more listened to, engaged, empowered and brilliant, is to practice starting EVERY question with "What". Try it for two weeks until it becomes automatic. It feels a bit awkward at first. But persevere and the magic will happen. It transformed the way I get people thinking in more powerful ways. It will do the same for you.