Wisdom of Sacred Partnership

The sacred partnership is a process that takes time, effort, skill, knowledge, intention, and courage. The model of spiritual partnership is new to the human experience. Throughout time, a marriage was for the purpose of helping man and woman survive physically. Such a partnership is what Harville Hendrix refers to as “psychic strangers.” Marriage was not set up for intimacy between two equal parties. This old model of marriage is no longer functional in our times.

The new model is sacred partnership. Sacred union is not restricted to physical or emotional security, or for economic reasons, a regular sexual partner, or comfort. The underlying premise of this union is an appreciation of the deeper reasons for being together, the evolution of their souls. Holding a relationship as an opportunity for awakening is quite different from how most people hold it. Most people are seeking a relationship primarily for comfort. They are concerned with the aspects of their material lives. Only a minority see a relationship as a way to go beyond the world of material comforts.

We are the transitional generation. The old scripts have been thrown out. It’s all up for grabs; we’re rewriting the script. The guidelines that worked for our family of origin, sort of, definitely don’t work now. So, we are the pioneers. We are on our own to find within ourselves, the truth of what makes our lives worthwhile. Commitment can no longer be about just surviving together. A committed partnership can now evolve into a process of flourishing together. Couples now are looking to be fulfilled through the process of relating.

It is a great blessing to be alive in a time that is so creative. There has never been as much opportunity available for an exciting, growth-oriented relationship as there is presently. And yet, we are largely ill-prepared. Even though our families tried to give us the best that they could, much of what they offered is not applicable in these times.

The challenge in all intimate relationships is to open fully to another without losing ourselves in the process. This balance can be difficult to achieve and sustain, and we can easily become discouraged. At times, we can be clear about what is true for us, and then we go to be close with another. In our effort to come close to another, whose style, way of being, preferences, areas of sensitivity, even values may be quite different from our own.

We must make accommodations. These adjustments are a necessary part of a relationship. But we must be very careful about not going too far over our integrity lines, or else the very goal we cherish of making the relationship a wholesome and happy one, is jeopardized. To be in integrity with ourselves, we need to know our own truth and to live from that truth. To have integrity in our relationship, we must reveal that truth to the other, hear their truth, and together we are challenged to create a space that is vast enough to contain both truths.