Wisdom from Wounds

#CoffeeWith16yoSelf isn’t a conversation I’d eagerly share on social media, but it has given me pause. It made me reflect on the weight of time and how much lighter the load could be for those still carrying heavy stories if only we made space for them.

We all carry stories that shape who we are. Some are filled with joy, others with pain. My own journey has been one of years spent processing and recovering from a traumatic youth, where home life was bleak, and a yearning to feel loved left me vulnerable to exploitation and abuse. At 16, I didn't recognise it for what it was; I thought I was special. Time, maturity, and healing revealed the truth of what happened. Today, at 53, I see clearly that those harrowing experiences, despite their despicable repugnancy, forged within me, a profound space to feel, heal and hold empathy that I might never have gained otherwise.

In the business world, we often overlook how deeply personal histories influence professional presence. Leaders, employees, clients—everyone brings their life experiences into the workplace, consciously or not. Yet, corporate culture often demands we leave our humanity at the door. What a loss. When we reconcile and align with our truths, we find liberation and clarity. And when leaders cultivate environments where employees feel secure, respected, and appreciated, transformation is not just possible, it’s inevitable.

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Where healing meets growth

My past could have shattered me. For years, patterns of low self-worth echoed that damage. But doing my own inner work, that you may have heard referred to as shadow work, fostered growth and self-compassion. Over years, it transformed me into someone who could hold space for others with awareness and unconscious connection. This wasn’t through expensive therapy or clinical intervention - though those have their place- but through the quiet grace of safe, non-judgmental spaces and people where healing could unfold.

Leaders can offer this same grace. By fostering workplaces where people feel seen and heard, they unlock potential, creativity, and belonging. Employees who feel they matter, thrive.

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Building safe spaces

?How can you and I, as leaders, create workplaces where personal challenges are met with compassion, not consequence?

1. Encourage open communication:?Let employees speak without fear of retribution. Trust grows when people know they can share their burdens safely.
2. Lead with empathy:?every person carries a story. Leading with empathy builds trust and fosters respect.
3. Offer flexibility:?life happens. Flexible work arrangements can empower employees to manage life’s unpredictability.
4. Champion emotional agency and mental health:?Normalise conversations about mental health. Provide resources and encourage wellbeing
5. Celebrate and acknowledge:?recognise efforts, both big and small. Appreciation can profoundly impact self-worth.

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The ripple effect of acceptance and truth

When leaders do their own shadow work, share their stories and encourage others to do the same, trust flourishes. Employees who feel secure are more resilient, more innovative, and more dedicated. This is not about creating spaces for lamentation, but about fostering environments where respect and understanding quietly transform lives.

I’ve walked the path of trauma and healing. As a business leader, you have the power to create that path for others—not through grand gestures, but through consistent respect and humanity. This isn’t utopian. It’s achievable. It starts with leaders willing to confront their own truths and extend compassion to others.

We are not defined by our challenges, but by how we rise from them. Sometimes, the difference between despair and hope is simply, feeling secure, respected, and valued.

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