Wisdom in the Counsel of Others

My text message to John read: “Can you call me ASAP?”

John (not his real name) had previously told me I could reach out to him at any time for anything. While we caught up with each other periodically, I had never been in a situation where I needed advice so quickly. Not too long after I sent that text, at 9pm in the evening, John called and helped me navigate a critical professional situation I had never encountered before.

Bill Withers was right: “We all need somebody to lean on.”

Have you ever faced a new situation with no reference for how to handle it? Have you ever had to make a major decision but weren’t sure what to do? Have you ever needed someone to guide you through a tough season in life? Have you ever just needed to talk to someone? Have you ever…?

It is impossible to be a successful leader (or even just walk through life) without seeking the insights of others. The question for a developing leader is whether or not this is learned the hard way, post-mistake or in the hour of need, or the better way, by adopting a growth mindset and demonstrating a desire to learn as a mission to constantly be lived out. ?There truly is wisdom in the counsel of others and those who humbly apply that principle will find they gain far more than situational knowledge; they gain discernment, foresight, and partnership.

One of my long-time mentors, Laurie Baedke, is fond of encouraging others to 'curate their circle'. In this advice, she's reminding us of the powerful influence that the company we keep will have on our habits, our performance, and our well-being. "To curate is to select, organize, or look after something. Museum curators are carefully selecting pieces of art for us to admire. Library curators are intentionally selecting pieces of literature or works of written word for us to take in. And, sommeliers are also curating; masterfully selecting wines to perfectly pair with the courses of a meal,” she said.

“As a leader, we must carefully and intentionally consider the company that we keep. Take stock of and manage your adjacency to those who can pour into you, sharing of their lived experience and earned expertise. Keep pace with peers who will challenge you, hold you accountable, encourage and exhort you, and for whom you can return the favor. Our journeys are the result of this proximity, whether by default or diligent design. Choose wisely."

From experience with my own circle, the gain from these mentors is remarkable. I’ve collected insights from their experiences to help me navigate novel situations, tough decisions, and difficult seasons in my personal life. They’ve helped me handle the present well so that I grow from it for the future, adding to my ability to handle even tougher things on the road ahead. And most importantly, as Laurie recently reminded me, a good circle fulfills the innate human desire for relationship; we are created to be in relationship with others and that adds a richness to life that you can’t get from anything else.

Since relationships don’t just magically happen and trust is rarely freely given, it takes time for a circle like this to come together. You also can’t expect to cultivate deep connections simply by reaching out to someone every once-in-a-blue moon whenever you have a need. Be respectful of people’s time while simultaneously showing that you care enough about your relationship with them to invest in it even when there’s nothing on the line for you. Text them an encouraging word, write them a note, ask how you can pray for them, or sit in on their presentation at the next conference.

Another mentor in my circle, Dr. Michael Frisina, is fond of saying that “who you are in 5 years will be determined by two main things: what you read and who you associate with.” Remember that any efforts to cultivate a relationship for the effect of status will be treated for what it is: shallow, empty, and disposable. Purposeful relationship building requires the counterculture embrace of humility and a genuine thirst for the means of growth, knowing that the end will always take care of itself.

It is difficult to describe the depth of my appreciation for the close circle of mentors and advisors who are walking with me through life; I would not be where I am, personally or professionally, without them. I am incredibly grateful for the time they take to invest in me, most of it in the form of patient listening. Cultivated over many years, this network includes people who are not just mentors, but also something far more valuable: friends.

The biggest blessing is that they genuinely care about who I am, how I am doing, and where I am going. That makes more of a difference than simply getting to the next title or opportunity ever will. Speaking personally, the cherry on top is the shared faith in Christ I have with so many of them and that common hope will always carry the day.

For those who are early into your career, take the time to find wise mentors. For those who are more senior in your career, take the time to invest in willing mentees. The future of effective, nurturing leadership depends on both.