Winter Solstice: Endings are Messy, Time for New Dreams

December is here to remind us: endings are messy.

The end of the year comes without resolution or absolution. It doesn’t matter what you did or didn’t get done, the opportunity to “make something happen in 2022” is GONE. All the year’s plans turn to mush in the dark, damp winter rain. Even the most hard-driving and optimistic people look at those last 31 days of the year and shrug.

Even though he’s a bit insufferable, I’ve always loved the Tony Robbins quote: “I come to the end of the day bone-tired and victorious.” It’s a great daily goal, to slay like that. The end of the year is different. I come to the end of each year with a big white flag of surrender. The score is up on the board and people are streaming out of the stadium. All year, I’m trying desperately to fix things, or to convince people that they can be fixed, “if we just stay ahead of it.” But it can be like trying to outrun a tsunami. It’s exhausting, and the time runs out.

December is all about year-end accounting. Closing the books. And it seems like the more we try to fix things, the more we fail.

Fighting Fog With Knives: Reputation

Communications is, by definition, about how people receive information, and there are always reputational aspects. But this year, I’ve had more projects centered almost exclusively on reputation management, affecting both individuals and their organizations.

Reputation is a funny thing, right at the heart of several seemingly contradictory truths.

• Reputation is based on perception
• Perception is not always based in fact
• Perception is real and actionable
• Reputation is real and quantifiable
• You can’t fight perception with facts. (Or with facts alone, anyway.)

Add to all that the complexity of time—the time it takes to build a reputation, the speed in which it’s lost, and the public’s disinterest in looking back and revising its opinion. It’s a bit of a mind-fuck, really, and feels pretty unfair. And when you add elements of race, gender, class and age, reputation can be REALLY unfair.

It’s like the whole world is a book club: It takes 10 years to write a book that 7 people can shred faster than you can say “It’s a screw top.”

I hope it doesn’t sound like I’m Monday-morning quarterbacking my own clients. Quite the opposite. They’re all doing harder, more public work that I am, they are way more brave than I am, and I’m truly honored to help them. I’m not second-guessing anyone—I’m commiserating.

Because what, really, is the alternative? The fear of shame, public criticism and reputational loss is why people don’t try new and big things. They don’t write books, or start companies, or run for public office. Some public criticism is fair, some isn’t. But the alternative is that if you play it completely safe, you don’t accomplish anything. And also, you might not actually be safe.

There are no wins in the comfort zone, so all we can do is go forward.

Amend: All we can do is go forward, AND include communication experts in first-stage planning instead of post-game clean-up. We can help you see around corners, avoid major pitfalls and develop mitigation plans for when people start throwing rocks. Right now, you might think “Damn the torpedoes, I don’t care what people think!” But you might care later, when the Seattle Times writes the editorial. ?

Reputation management has a lot in common with December, come to think of it. All the choices and events are done, and it’s time to close the chapter. Close the office early, have a glass of bubbly, put your feet up, and let it go.

Reflect, Recalibrate, Refuel

?Life can feel like a battle of relentlessly incoming demands—grenades of urgency, being thrown at us by other people. December gives us an opportunity to step away from our work and get perspective on the whole mess. Perspective, and hopefully some peace about what’s truly important, and what’s not.

I do believe that the more we try to fix things, the more we fail. But also true: the less we try to fix things, the worse everything gets. (I’m talking about you, racism. And income inequality. And job opportunities. Education. Healthcare. Public service.)?

Pushing personal, professional and societal comfort zones is risky and uncomfortable. It’s also the definition of progress. Every time we push the boundaries of the comfort zone, the areas of life where we are comfortable get bigger. The areas of life where we are fearful get smaller. ?

It’s good to push the boundaries of our comfort zones, but it’s also energy intensive. That forces us to be thoughtful about where we’re going to deploy and replenish that energy. December rest might feel luxurious, but it’s not optional. The winter holidays give us reflective time necessary for recalibration and realignment. Resting is refueling. (Absurd amounts of alliteration abuse, amirite?)?

Old News and New Dreams

Sure, 2022 put some new dents in my chassis…

Huh. I’d only meant that to be a Cars 2 shout-out to Zen master Tow Mater and British spy Holly Shiftwell, but actually, I did full-on crashed my Honda in 2022. I had kids in the car and while no one lost any blood, it was definitely NOT AWESOME. It was a hit to the car, but worse, it hit other people’s sense of safety and trust.

But. But it was also my first insurance claim in 20 years. I was able to replace the Honda with a new Jetta with a stick shift, which I LOVE. I also took a driving course and made other changes to be a better and safer driver.

So there we go. Despite my dark outlook on the darkest day of the year, the fact is that recovery is possible and reputations can change. Trajectories can be corrected. Weight can be lost, muscle can be built, books can be written, elections can be won.

Progress and fresh starts are just as real as stumbles and falls.

When we accept the pain, discomfort and lessons of old dreams, the new dreams start percolating up to replace them.?

Speaking of old news, I turned 50. To mark the milestone, I took my amazing teenagers to Berlin and Paris. Maisy, John and I stayed in Berlin with Marty Riemer and his kind family, and they made the kids’ first trip to Europe so special. We came, we learned, we ate, we made new friends. A stunningly memorable 4 days, and we’re so grateful to them.?

Then we went to Paris and met up with Tina Nole Delaney Andersen and Kelly Evans . Paris is a great place to celebrate the beauty of age. (Photo credit and deep gratitude to Tina, who made memories and took fabulous pictures the whole time!)

It was so great to have time with the kids outside the house and the regular cycle of parenting life. Maisy gave me a precious birthday gift when she said, “I can’t wait to see what happens to you next.” ?

If a 17-year-old can look at a 50-year-old, and see an exciting and unpredictable life … well. Something going right there.?

Sunshine Communications is 5 years old. I don’t know how that happened, but I’ve got a year for each finger and I’ve counted them twice. Like for so many people, my initial plans were derailed by three years of COVID disruption, but I used the time to experiment and explore and I feel stronger for it. (Or at least wiser.)?

We’re not done with COVID disruption, obviously, but I’m looking at 2023 as a time to reorient to the work I intended to do with Sunshine in the first place. The five-year mark is a good point for any organization, even a solo shop, to focus on what it can uniquely bring to customers. For Sunshine, this means focusing on: ?

• Strategic communication planning— This is the above-mentioned “seeing around corners” work. How are you informing and engaging others in your strategic business goals? How do your staff, partners, community leaders talk about your agency and your work? (see the PPS below)
• Training— I’m really excited about training I developed for subject matter experts. If you’re paying experts to do specialized work, they should be able to explain it. This is especially true for public-sector SMEs who might have to talk to elected officials, residents or the media. Communication training empowers them to tell the public-agency story. Let me help, please!
• Crisis communications— I don’t always love being an ER doctor because you can’t help everyone and it’s a little frustrating to see how many wounds are self-inflicted. That said, I’ve been through enough disasters that I know how to guide people from shelter-in-place to recover-and-rebuild. And it’s a whole lot better to do together.?

Sunshine Comms moved offices. I loved working in Pioneer Square with Kelly, Sandeep Kaushik and Dan Kully, but I couldn’t resist this new space. Vanessa Lund and Kris Faucett are my next-door neighbors, and the office has two windows, sunshine, herb gardens, a velvet couch and a main-floor bar. (I also have wee bar in my office—If Starbucks HQ can serve on multiple floors, so can I.)

Sunshine Communications

411 University St., Suite 1200

Seattle, WA 98101

When I walked into the office for the first time, and saw that it was cozy and bright, I knew it was a place where I could think and write. “Write more” is a perpetual goal, but I’ve got some new strategies to test this year. We’ll see…

There’s a lot of new dreams on the horizon. It’s not just me and my new dreams: I’m hearing lots of people making 2023 plans. And for those about to rock (or run for office, or rebrand, or restructure), we salute you! ?

And please for the love of all that is good in your business strategy, bring comms in early. Before it’s too late.?

Short version: Give yourself a break. Get some rest. Dream big. And thank you for being with me through another amazing year.?

Mary Kay

P.S.- I almost didn’t write this message. I was feeling pretty low and uncreative. But in the middle of a meeting and apropos of nothing, my friend Matthew Love said, “I’m really looking forward to your solstice message! That one last year was great!” And since Matt, Maia Bellon and Jay Manning of Cascadia Law have been such lifesaving partners, I couldn’t disappoint him. It just goes to show that a little bit of praise can be a pretty good kick in the pants.

P.P.S. This message is long enough, but we’re going to talk real soon about this. Communications isn’t press releases, people, it’s electricity. It’s how everything gets done. It’s how you lobby, sell, promote, recruit, retain, convert, cultivate loyalty and more. Think about it first. Not last.