Winning is No Longer an Outcome Outside Our Control

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o win, your opponent cannot be someone or something outside of you - it must be you from yesterday.?

There are around 3 million youth soccer players in our country. More kids are choosing soccer than ever before in our soccer culture’s history. These players have more access to information, technology, and infrastructure than any previous generation.?

But something is amiss.?

Despite the advantages this generation has, there aren’t necessarily more “can’t miss” prospects being developed. The infatuation with infrastructure as a substitute for development has created an almost industrial feel. Players have become one homogenous product on a conveyor belt, lacking any individuality that could better serve them on the pitch.?

Our current game feels empty, even soulless.

Today’s player is overwhelmingly timid, fragile, and scared to be vulnerable , which disables them from confronting the challenges in front of them. That’s because getting players to fully give everything to each iteration for its own sake is not really the navigation. The real navigation is trying to signal greatness through winning a match (or other success metrics) that is not fully in our control.

And we (coaches) are to blame.?

A preoccupation with winning the match on the weekend is ensuring our players lose long-term. Winning matters, but never as much as our ability to show and grow. Our definition of winning has to change if we truly want to hit new heights as a soccer culture.?

Winning must transform from an outcome to a process.?

We win by simply showing up and giving everything to the next iteration, but players need that education AND permission. It’s counter-cultural to have development as your guide. Society conditions us through outcomes: get good grades, go to college, get a high-paying job, settle down, find a spouse, have children, save for retirement, etc.?

Winning has to be redefined as our ability to show up, give everything you have to the next iteration and move (inch by inch) in the direction of our potential.

Here are 5 ways coaches can better help their players understand the new definition of winning.

1. Teach and Celebrate Your Culture Vision’s Values.?

Celebrate examples of your culture in action as if you just scored a goal.?

Praise a player’s ability to counter-press effectively, track a runner into the box, or anything that won’t show up in a box score. Because when you do that, you are aligning reward and positive feedback with the effort, not the outcome.?

As a consequence, players will start to fall in love with the work rather than the outcome.?

2. Provide Energy During Adversity.?

It’s human nature that your players will be affected negatively by adversity.?

That's when your voice can reenergize and refocus them for the next play. Over time, their response time will shorten, and their voices will be the ones leading the way.?

But until then, be the energy they need to keep iterating.

3. Keep an Open-Door Policy.?

Create a safe space for players to have hard conversations.?

This will increase their agency and willingness to do the next right thing even when it’s uncomfortable and scary. It will also strengthen their ability to conduct culture reps, lead with vulnerability, and feel empowered to take the next step.?

This generation hates hard conversations, so we must create the space for more to occur..?

4. Keep an Eye Out For the Player That Needs Your Help.?

Raise your emotional awareness and keep an eye out for the player who needs your help.?

All of our players are going through something either on or below the surface. If you sense anything, you can lead with vulnerability, which can create the space for a more beneficial interaction.?

Remember all the stuff you went through as a player, and help your players realize they aren’t alone.?

5. Tell a Story That Puts Yourself in Their Shoes.?

I like to tell stories to shake and refocus the collective.?

Telling a story reminds players they are more than products on a conveyor belt. A story can break the rhythm up and help remind the team of why we are really here…

And we are here, so we can give our all to the next iteration.

Final Words?

We will never become a greater version of ourselves if we don’t:?

1/ Show up every day, and?

2/ Give our best effort.?

But our players will never get there unless coaches teach and model this new definition of winning. Today’s players need permission because everything else within the culture is telling them to stay in their lane, protect their ego, and avoid challenges. The greatest gift you can provide a player is the permission and the tools to iterate long-term toward their potential.?

This has to be our new version of winning.?

Otherwise, we’ll continue to lose.

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