Winning Friends and Influencing your People

Carnegie’s book How to Win Friends and Influence People helped me understand some of the subconscious and unconscious habits of behaviour when conversing with others. Whether good or bad, you sometimes reflect on past conversations and think, “If only I had said that.” Living across the globe in different countries—from Samoa, Japan, Wales, and England, to travelling and playing in South Africa, Hong Kong, France, and Italy—you are inevitably drawn to the people, the smells, the environment, and the languages, speaking from my own experiences.

In all these places, what was most important for me was respecting the culture, rules, laws, and customs. Slowly, you learn and adapt, though it’s never an easy process in the beginning. Over time, you develop a sense of the place, the people, and the working environments—especially in rugby. Building trust with people requires being your authentic self, not a version you think others expect, and living that out. Listening is crucial, and asking questions helps you understand the culture and build trust with your colleagues and teammates.

The mistake I see too often is teammates who come in thinking they know everything and boast about how good they are and disrespect shown. Those people don’t last long! I’ve seen too many of them and stayed away from that attitude.

Building trust is about respect of others cultures to listening empathetically and being patient. Importantly develop relationships with care and grow and continuously learning.

Try the below points mentioned by Carnegie which go a long to building trust and influence.

• Smile often—it's contagious and disarming.
• People respond better to positive expressions.
• Smiling builds rapport quickly
• Remember names and try and pronounce it correctly-A person’s name is to them the sweetest sound.
• Using names shows respect and attention-It builds a personal connection.
• Encourage others to talk about themselves.
• Give undivided attention when listening.
• Find common ground based on their interests.
• Create a bond through shared passions.
• Make the other person feel important.