Window of Tolerance 101: Have Fun Being Uncomfortable

My wife and I went through several months of pre-marital counseling prior to saying “I do”.? It was a tremendously valuable experience that strengthened our relationship and armed us with a suite of tools and strategies for overcoming the inevitable challenges of partnership.?

It was during one of our first sessions that I learned about using the Window of Tolerance to better manage my energetic and emotional bandwidth as an introvert.? My goal with this article is to share this concept to help you do the same (no insurance or co-pay required!). ?

In this article you will learn:

• What the window of tolerance is, and why it’s especially relevant for introverted professionals.?
• How understanding your window of tolerance can mitigate the negative effects of chronic overstimulation.?
• A few simple techniques for getting back to equilibrium when you’re outside your window.??

What is the Window of Tolerance?

Your “window of tolerance” describes the optimal state of arousal or stimulation that you require to function and develop.?Below is a simple worksheet I use with my coaching clients to illustrate the concept.

You know what it feels like to be in your comfort zone. You feel at ease because you aren’t being tested. You have a high sense of control of your environment - it feels familiar and there is little risk of failure. You might be in your comfort zone while lounging in your PJs watching Netflix, and you may even be in your comfort zone when it comes to your career if your responsibilities have become repetitive and you find yourself on auto-pilot throughout the day.

Your comfort zone is, well, comfortable.? But spending an extended amount of time in your comfort zone leads to stagnation. Growth and positive change only happen when you venture comfort zone.?

Your High-Stimulation Growth Zone

As an introverted go-getter, the pressure to conform to cultural norms celebrating extraversion will push you out of your comfort zone on a regular basis. I don’t know a single introvert who enjoys attending the meeting…to prep for the meeting…to prep for the meeting. But rather than framing this pressure as a burden, you can view it as an opportunity to develop into a more effective leader.

To be clear, growth does not come from altering your personality to become more extroverted (nor is that even possible). The growth occurs when you are able to accomplish your goals by successfully navigating challenges while staying true to who you are. Taking the meeting example above, if you’re feeling burned out as a result of attending too many fruitless meetings, your growth lies in learning to set boundaries that protect your time and energy.?????

Most of my work with coaching clients is focused on helping them achieve High Stimulation Growth (e.g., networking more effectively, being more assertive in social situations, etc.). It’s important to remember that low stimulation activities also serve as vital opportunities for growth.

Your Low-Stimulation Growth Zone???

We live in a hustle culture that glorifies being productive at all times, and reinforces the narrative that we’re “lazy” or “slacking off” if we even think about taking our foot off the gas.?

This mindset has a disproportionately negative impact on introverts, who often feel that we need to compensate for our introversion by putting in more effort. ?As a society we are chronically overstimulated, to the extent that most people become intensely uncomfortable when deprived of external stimulation.? Several studies have shown that the average person would rather give themselves painful electric shocks, than be left to sit alone with their thoughts! ????

Tremendous growth occurs when you regularly give yourself a reprieve from the cacophony of everyday stimulation.? Meditation and yoga are essential parts of my daily routine, but there are many simple activities that can help you quickly recharge amidst the stimulation of daily life, including:

• Taking a walk around the block
• Turning off your cell phone
• Connecting with your breath?

As you spend time in your growth zones, you will inevitably find yourself in the danger zone (i.e. outside of your window of tolerance).? In the next section, you’ll learn how to identify when you’re in your danger zone, along with some simple strategies for coming back to your window of tolerance.?

Your High Stimulation Danger Zone

When intensely overstimulated, you will enter a state of hyper-arousal, better known as “fight-or-flight”.? You’ll know when you’re in fight-or-flight, you will likely experience one or more of the following sensations:

• Increased heart rate
• Feelings of intense frustration or anger
• Hypervigilance (becoming hyper-aware of potential threats)?
• Memory challenges?
• Dry mouth?

When these sensations become chronic, we label someone as having “anxiety” or “panic disorder”.??

There are those who will tell you to push through these sensations.? However, assuming you aren't in actual physical danger, you should prioritize bringing yourself back within your window of tolerance.? Forcing yourself to endure long periods of hyperarousal is pure masochism and doesn’t result in growth or learning.??

Here are a few tips for bringing yourself back into your window of tolerance when you find yourself in the high stimulation danger zone:

1. Grab a Healthy Snack: It can be tempting to reach for the sugary or high fat “comfort” foods when under stress.? Fruits, vegetables or high quality protein are far more effective at mitigating stress. I find it helpful to keep a stash of healthy options in my office drawer.
2. Connect with your senses: What sounds do you hear? What does the room smell like? How does it feel to have your feet firmly planted on the floor? Experiencing the present moment as it is, can be a great tool to interrupt the panicky thought patterns associated with the fight-or-flight response.
3. Pick a fight with a pillow: When under intense stress, blood is redirected to our arms and legs. This physiological process prepared our ancestors to either fend off predators (fight), or run away (flight). Releasing this stress by punching or kicking can expedite your nervous system’s return to baseline (and we both know that pillow had it coming!).??

In Summary

• Understanding your window of tolerance is critical for managing your stress as an introverted professional.?
• By learning to identify your triggers and early warning signs, you can take steps to prevent or minimize overload.
• With a reliable toolkit of self-care strategies at the ready, you can take comfort in knowing that you will be able to recover from inevitable periods of overstimulation and come out the other side a little bit tougher every time.

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If you enjoyed this article, please share it with a friend or colleague! To learn more about my coaching and training services, and to take a FREE strengths assessment, visit www.PowerPlayLeadership.com .

What strategy do you find most helpful for coming back to your window of tolerance when overstimulated? Share your tips and experience in the comments below!