To win confidence and trust is so tough

We all know that winning the trust is difficult, you lose their trust in an instant. People judge to fast, a medical mental case requires more thinking, lest judging less assuming an statement that it is incorrect I wish I can proof some points, but i will do better I will refer the mental case to his physician for proper care, he needs to face the facts at one point or another. It takes forever for you to get people's trust. Not really the same as me, if you are kind with me for like a minute I will call you a friend. In about a week, I will start opening up and stuff. But the second you do something I dislike, I am cutting you out of my life for now on. Don't want a repeat of middle school.

Just like it is easier to destroy, rather than create, it is exceptionally true it is easier to lose someone’s trust, then it is to earn it; to win it. Creation is hard. It takes a long time and great patience to win someone’s trust at times, especially if that person has a difficult time in trusting someone or anyone in the first place. Then once you have won such trust from someone it is very easy to lose it through disloyalty, dishonesty, and betrayal. Plain and simple.

To win trust you have to prove yourself. Constantly showing the person that your word is good and you are respectful of their needs. This takes time. To lose someone's trust could be as small as a slip of the tongue or a miscommunication. Its harder to gain trust and even harder if you get a second chance. So if the person in question had trust issues, there is not much that can be done to gain his/her trust. Sometimes therapy can help, sometimes there is nothing you can do. In this case it’s apparently very much harder to earn trust, than to lose it. Also worth remembering, people with trust issues have troubles in life, because nobody is as untrustworthy to us, as a person who trusts no one.

But the people who generally are trusting, but have been betrayed recently, or very insecure have more problems to trust someone, than to lose trust in someone. People with the ability to trust, who have not been betrayed recently, they have an easier time to trust. Therefore, it will be extremely hard to gain the trust of a person with trust issues. It will be medium difficulty with a very insecure and thus jealous person and comparatively easy to gain trust from a person with secure attachments.

On the flip side it is easy to lose somebody’s trust, if the other person has trust issues by default, if they are jaded by bad past experiences. However, it might be hard to lose someone’s trust, if the other person doesn’t want to see, what’s in front of them, because of confirmation bias. They’d rather be right in trusting you, than facing the hurtful truth. That’s incidentally one of the main reasons, why people hold on to abusive relationships for as long as they do. Trust is sacred. Its the backbone of all relationships whether romantic, business or friendship. Humans are quick to destroy trust which is sad.

We?can only speak from our personal experiences, and what I’ve observed in other I knew that were having “trust issues” with someone close to them. If you look at trust in a relationship with someone as if it is a beautiful porcelain plate that you have carefully decorated over time specifically for that one person. It’s only to be displayed, and you tell them so. It’s not to be handled , which puts it at risk , but it is always there to be seen through your actions. One day you go to dust the plate and discover a crack that runs almost all the way across , and you know only one person has access to it, yet you ask about it.

If they take responsibility for doing it, it helps at that moment. Because if they deny it , you will know it to be a deliberate lie and when you look at the plate again the crack has now extended across the entire surface from the lie. Yet the result from the first crack will represent the same problem you would face if the plate had been broken cleanly in two. You can decide to take the two pieces and try to glue them together to rebuild the trust by making the plate whole again. But even if the repair is so good as to make the break almost invisible, there is now a weak spot in the plate.

No matter what you do to that plate there is now a weakness that can’t be fixed. Even if you can’t see it, you will know it is there. That was the problem for me. I knew I could never just make a brand new plate. I make one “trust plate” per person. I discovered that there was nothing that could be done to make that plate as strong as it once was. Trust is an outcome of time and tested relation between two without any blemish of any kind. If trust is lost the crack is developed which cannot be healed.

For gaining trust once again of same person a lot of hard effort is needed more in improving our self rather than other. Trust is a bond of commitment and honoring the words between the two. This can’t be mere momentary incident to fill gap for personal satisfaction. A thief has a trust with another thief or an evil mind has a solid trust with an evil mind because they are more dependent on each other that speaks of honesty between such two people.

Thus trust may exist in wicked people also but invariably this trait has value on the positive aspect which tries to add glow in self. Trust does relate with mutual honesty even in evil mind we have observed above but when honesty exists in individual that may translate as purity in thoughts and so reduced selfishness. Such nature between two gradually transforms into a wall that cannot be broken easily in any event of happiness and sorrow. Breaking trust means a malice had developed even if that was by an error and would mean that the seed of malice was present unnoticed by the other.

Can it be healed? Not easily, it may take much more time than the first and for that one need to accept the fault, repent and cry could be a solution. As Paramhans RamaKrishna says "cry before mother Kali like her child and she would definitely listen you one day when she is sure about your sincerity in crying and no malice in mind". These words have deep meaning and point towards single thing to remove slightest malice from our mind which in practicing would consume time and show the righteousness in feeling. Of course if we are able to transcend to such state we may be able to attract many other good heart and forget the past and may end up showing a divine path to many even if that was the intent. Nothing is impossible. Cheers!