William Ury: The Possibilities of Achieving the Common Good

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We are living in a toxic stew of misinformation, disinformation, and hyperpartisanship that is ripping the fabric of our society apart. Some folks are despairing. One person is not. He is William Ury , who, for the past 40 years, has been working with people seeking to negotiate the most challenging crises from South Africa and the Middle East, as well as in corporate board rooms and union bargaining sessions.

His first book, Getting to Yes , published in 1981, has become an international best-seller, racking up over 15 million copies sold. (Several copies were given to Martin McGuinness, a former leader in the Provisional IRA in Northern Ireland, where Ury has done work.) Ury’s newest book is POSSIBLE: ? How We Survive (and Thrive) in an Age of Conflict . Ury spoke to me in a recent interview about the new book, and he began by calling himself a "possibilist."

Seeking transformation in conflict

“You believe in human possibility, you believe in growth, you believe in grace.” says Ury. “And what it means is when you see an obstacle, you look for where are the possibilities. You look for where is the potential, even the small potential to begin to change that situation bit by bit.” As Ury explains, ”All of us have for curiosity, for creativity, for collaboration, and apply it to these thorny, sticky, troubling trick conflicts that we face. Because I believe if we can transform our conflicts, we can transform our lives, we can transform our world.”

Ury told me he is an "anthropologist by training” and “a negotiator, mediator by profession.” Through his work, he has realized that “conflict is something natural. It's part of life and it can be perfectly healthy.” Eliminating conflict per se is not the goal. “It's about whether can we transform conflict. Can we change the form from destructive fighting? Vicious fighting into constructive, creative, open Negotiation where we lean into, we embrace conflict and we see what we can do.”

Three-step model

In his book Possible, Ury presents a three-step model for negotiating: Balcony, Bridge and Third Side.

Balcony is finding a way to step away from yourself. “As the old saying goes, when you're angry, you will make the best speech you'll ever regret,” says Ury. “And so what I find successful negotiators doing is they take a step back from the situation. It's almost like you imagine that you're negotiating on a stage and you go to a mental and emotional balcony overlooking that stage, a place of calm, a place of perspective, a place where you can see the larger picture." That becomes a "foundation." The bottom line, says Ury, is that "Negotiation is an inside job. It works from the inside out. So, we need to start with going to the balcony.”

Bridge is the process of adopting another perspective. “We get into conflict, we take positions and we got to dig into our positions and we kind of push, and the more we push, the other side pushes back. So we end up at a kind of standoff.”

?There is another way, says Ury. “What I find successful negotiators do is the opposite of pushing, which is they attract instead of making it harder for the other side, which is where we sometimes go in conflict; our job is to make it easier for them, easier for them to make the decision we want them to make.”

?By shifting to what the other person or party’s concerns, we “begin the conversation where their thinking is, what their concerns are, what their fears are, and proceed to build them a bridge over the giant chasm that separates us, that chasm of unmet needs, dissatisfaction, baggage from the past, all that stuff. We need to build them an attractive golden bridge moving in the direction we want them to move.”The Third Side is a type of leadership that looks at stakeholders not directly involved in the negotiation process. “We've got common interests, we've got a common goal, we've got a family here, we've got a community. It's that third side that can help us go to the balcony, help us calm down, help us build that bridge, can bring us together, play all those roles. So it's basically in these very difficult situations that we face, we need to go to the balcony. We need to build that bridge, but we also often need to engage that third side.”

Room for optimism

As measured by polling data, public opinion shows that "more Americans still believe it's possible to disagree in a healthy way," says Ury. “More Americans still believe that it's our responsibility to reach out to people with whom we have different points of view… That's where our hope is. It is in mobilizing the third side, which is this power, this latent power that exists in every situation, which can be used to help turn an impossible situation.”

Another aspect of William Ury became apparent before he came on screen for our video interview. I could see him, but he could not see me. He was smiling and continued smiling for the entire length of our interview. His demeanor is open and generous; it is no wonder people trust him for his insights. He projects wisdom, and all the while, he is smiling.

First posted on Forbes.com 00.00.2024

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