Wild Horses Running Free

I recently read “Educated ” by Tara Westover, the memoirs of a young woman who, kept out of school by her parents, overcomes many challenges to earn a PhD. Her story is not only one of courage, focus and grit, but also a tale about emancipation and inner transformation. Anyway, I won’t talk about her inspiring lessons. I want to share with you something else. The book starts with a thorough description of Tara’s childhood. She was born to Mormon survivalist parents in the mountains of Idaho. Her father made a living from scrapping metal and building barns, and her mother was a midwife and herbalist. Tara, her parents and six siblings lived in a very modest house with only the most basic services. No ornaments, TV or gadgets of any type. No fancy clothing, designer shoes or unnecessary accessories. The description of her early years evokes a happy life anchored by simplicity. There was no longing for money, fame, status, recognition or achievement, nor did anybody dream to live the life of someone else.

For many of us, it’s difficult to imagine such a life is possible. We’ve been raised in a society where the opposite is not only encouraged but celebrated. And the digital era with its fake stories, filtered images and idolized celebrities has only exacerbated the feeling that we need more and more. I confess to you that every time I see news about a 20-year-old turning billionaire overnight thanks to some cryptocurrency I can’t stop myself from thinking that it should be me driving that Ferrari (even though I hardly understand cryptos and that I’m more of a Lambo guy). The point here is that we often feel an instinctive desire to imitate what other people want, have or are. In other words, what French polymath René Girard called “mimetic desire”.

In 1961, Girard wrote in “Deceit, Desire, and the Novel ” that most of what humans desire is mimetic or imitative, not intrinsic. Desire, as he used the word, does not imply food, shelter, or safety. These are basic needs that are ingrained into our bodies and don’t depend on imitation. But as we evolve, we spend less time worrying about surviving and more time pursuing things. In other words, less time in the realm of needs and more time in the world of want.

Mirror neurons seems to play an important role in this. According to the Journal of Natural Science, Biology and Medicine , mirror neurons represent a distinctive class of neurons that discharge when one person observes another one acting in a certain way. These neurons were first discovered back in 1990 in monkeys, but subsequent research has shown that they develop in humans before 12 months of age. The mirror mechanism transforms an individual's activities into messages that are immediately comprehended by an observer. Someone holding an orange, for example, is quickly comprehended since it elicits the identical motor representation in the spectator.

In “Wanting ”, Luke Burgis points out that people believe there’s a straight line between them and the things they want. That’s not the case. In reality, the line is always bent toward someone pushing us to want something in the first place. This is because desire needs models - people who bestow value on things just because they want them. Moreover, desire is affected differently by people or models who are distant from us in space, time or social status (e.g., celebrities) and those who are close (e.g., family and friends). The former influence desire from outside our immediate world. They are freely and publicly mimicked since there is no threat of conflict (which explains why there are so many Kim Kardashian lookalikes). As for the latter, desire is mediated from within our surroundings. There are no barriers prohibiting people from competing for the same things directly with one another. As a result, rivalry between models and imitators is common (now you understand why you fight so much with your big brother or sister).

Understanding the origins of our irrational wanting is interesting, even entertaining. But we need to spend some time also highlights its pitfalls. According to Steve Taylor, Ph.D., senior lecturer in psychology at Leeds Beckett University , wanting makes us unhappy for three main reasons. First, we lose the ability to appreciate our current situation because we feel a sense of lack and always hope for a better situation in the future. Second, desire translates into frustration since we frequently fail to realize our unrealistic wishes, or at least not in the manner that we had envisioned. And third, a want for something leads to a desire for something else. We often have the erroneous assumption that one day we'll arrive to a point of fulfillment, where all of our needs are met and we don't require or desire anything else. But this very rarely happens.

So, how can we free ourselves from the imitation craziness in which we live in and that more often than not triggers our unhappiness? Here are three ideas that might help. First, it is important to dissociate “wanting” with “liking”. Spotting things we say we want but we really don’t like will enable us to narrow materially our list of true desires. Second, give minimalism a try. The philosophy goes way beyond owning less possessions. It involves a simpler lifestyle that is free of worry, guilt and fear. It invites us to slow down, consume less and enjoy more. And third, let’s be more grateful. If we don’t appreciate what we have now, we will forever be on the lookout for more.

Before you go, imagine yourself living on top a remote mountain. Below you, an endless valley covered by thick grass, tall trees and colorful flowers. An untamed river makes its way to the horizon. The fresh air smells of pine and lavender. Vibrant reds and oranges slowly give way to pale purples and blues as the sun sets. You’re sitting on the porch next to your beloved ones when you spot a herd of wild horses running free and enjoying life. Think of your desires then. They might be your real ones.

?Author: Esteban Polidura, CFA. October 2, 2021