The Whys

She blew through like a breeze; felt.... yet invisible. It was by the ripe old age of 21 that she had 3 children. Gone were the days of living it up, one shot of Jack Daniels at a time. Instead, she pursued different odd jobs until finally believing enough in herself and her family, she settled in the medical field. She married a man who was a wonderful father to her children. She lived in a nice home with 3 dogs, 2 cats and a bunny. And another bunny. And another bunny. And while those bunnies kept procreating, she managed to work, raise 3 kids and stay in a horrible marriage. What did she know? Following in the footsteps of her women kin, she knew not to ask why. She knew she was just supposed to carry on. The matriarch of the lineage, rites of passage and all that jazz.

Friends and family who were green with envy while she suffered at home green with anxiety, panic attacks, weight loss, fear and constant abuse. She pushed away the few friends she had. No time to explain the whys in her life. She didn’t even know she could think that deep. Year after year of keeping everything calm for the sake of her family, she had lost that ability to question her decisions and her choices because actually she didn’t really have any.

Finally, with no credit to herself, the marriage ended. Not because she grew some courage but because he had an affair and left her and her 3 children for another woman. Where is the Why in this? It lies in the bottom of the pit of her stomach as she spends weeks, months and years mourning him. Not because he was such a wonderful man but moreso, because she knew he wasn’t yet. She had settled.So much time spent in a reverberating echo. Seven years of marriage and another who knows how many years of emotional baggage after. She wants to know the WHY now and she wants to share her journey with you.