Why Can't You Say No? Identify Your Why

How good are you at saying no?

You’re in the office and a voice comes over your shoulder asking you to do something for them. What’s your first thought? 

Are you pleased that they’ve asked you? 

Do you think it shows that they value your skills?

Is it someone senior, is this an honour to be asked?

Have you been waiting for this opportunity for ages?

If so, fabulous. Do it. Say yes.

Do You Say Yes When You Want To Say No?

However, if you’re first thought is No, I don’t want to say yes, but you still say yes, then you’re in trouble.

The chances are that you’re often asked to do things that other people don’t want to do. That you are the ‘go to’ woman who can be relied upon to say yes. People may ask you even when they are able to easily do it themselves.

People have stopped valuing your time.

And they have stopped valuing your time because you have stopped valuing your time. 

In fact, if you don’t value your time, you probably don’t value yourself.

Is Your Internal Spam Selling You Short?

I have an exercise on RenewYou looking at the messages that we have internalised over the years. I call them spam messages because they pop in to our heads unbidden and unwelcome. We’ve read them almost before we’ve realised it. They clutter us up and crowd out all the stuff we do not want to read.

What are your spam messages? If you value your own time less than other people’s time you will probably have some kind of spam message reinforcing that. You probably think it’s somehow selfish to put your own needs first from time to time.

You may think being assertive is unfeminine. Even unkind.

It’s not. You owe it to yourself to value yourself, to look after yourself. 

Girls are particularly socialised to be pleasing and acquiescent. It’s a hard act to throw off. We’re rewarded subtly and unsubtly when we conform to expectations.

Well, we’re not girls any longer; we’re women. Grown up women with a meaningful life to lead. 

Identify the spam messages that hold you back, and then make them work for you.

You are valuable. Your time IS important. You have huge potential. You are pretty wonderful.

You might also find it helpful to read Is Being Assertive Too Male

If you'd like to talk to me about becoming a RenewYou specialist please do. Here are the details on my website. I have a licensing event in September.