Why you;'re so fearful of change
Ian Browne
Early careers professional - Apprenticeships - Stress & Wellbeing coach for leaders & teams
This week’s article is all about
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Change.?? As leaders it’s the mainstream currency of what we do.??
Show me the leader that doesn’t need to take people and organisations through change.
And yet along my travels I’ve met and worked with leaders for whom change is difficult.
This article in a way is a dose of ‘physician heal thyself’
It’s about questioning how you are getting in your own way of achieving your potential.
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It’s all Greek to me
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I did one year of Latin at school.? It was enough.? And so classicist I certainly am not.? But I did look up the word homeostasis.
Derived from the Greek for standing still, it’s how our body seeks to self-regulate and keep itself upright despite changes in the world around us.
This ability to allow our organs to still function when the temperature rises or when we’re hit with a cold is super useful.
But homeostasis is for many of us much more than just a way of beating off flu.?
It’s our way of staying safe.?? Outside there is a big world full of all kinds of things that might harm you.? ?So you believe. And beliefs lead to deeds. Or inaction.
My son is completely convinced if we return to Australia that venomous spiders are lurking under every single toilet seat to bite him. No amount of rational explanation as to how Australians happily seem to survive this peril in large numbers every single day will get him on the plane.
We feel safe with what we know.? The same food, the same diet, the same exercise regime, the same job, the same company.
And oddly we also feel safe even though our rational head knows some of the things we do and know we do are bad for us.
We eat junk food, but hey let’s label it comfort food, an emotional soother.
We check emails and social media for pings every few minutes, because you never know you might miss that post telling you the world will end imminently.
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Take advice from William Perry
This guidance from psychologist William Perry I could not put better myself.
“When someone comes to me and asks for help, I listen very hard and ask myself…
What does this person really want AND what will they do to keep from getting it”
Often this is the heart of coaching.? Inside, deep inside we know what we need to do.? Doesn’t mean we’ll actually do it though.
We procrastinate, deviate from our purpose, put other tasks in the way to keep ourselves busy.
And often behind all this is an assumption that leads to fear.
None of us are immune to this.?? I remember occasions where I’ve had the opportunity to speak about my work in front of a brilliantly useful audience.?? And I equally remember standing there waiting for someone to be chosen and quietly praying it’s not going to be me.
On one level that audience would be great for development of my coaching business, potentially lead to other speaking opportunities and yet I could bomb, not look my best, do a bad job, be laughed at, go on stage just after a famous TED-X speaker.
Even right now as I write this, there is something I need to do that will lead to exactly what I want and yet there is that urge to update my content calendar, tweak the website, catch up on some reading.?? Anything to not have to face into the fear of what might happen.
And rather than face the fear, we kid ourselves that we’re too busy.
When the truth is we’re using busy to avoid facing our fears.
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Are you immune to change?
Even the most passionate advocates of change find themselves with the competing forces of an equally formidable opponent that is seeking not to change.
If you want to learn more about this concept, check out the work by Kegan and Lahey on immunity to change.
What’s the commitment we make to ourselves, often unconsciously to keep the very thing we want from happening because we are afraid of what might happen if it did.
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This stuff could be contributing to your stress and anxiety
Stress and anxiety will rarely help you to unleash your potential.? Not in the sustainable long term.
Let’s say we’re feeling stressed with too many things to do.? We know that the way to resolve this is laser focus on our most pressing commitment.? Job done.? Or maybe not.
Because it’s not that simple.
What we need to do is ask ourselves what are we doing that is undermining the commitment towards simplicity.
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For you that might be checking your X account every time there’s an alert to find out the latest musings from would be US presidents.?? It might be sorting all your emails in logical folders so your account looks nice, even if you’ll never look for those emails again.
And on and on and one.?? Anything but decide in advance as to which task is going to generate greatest value.?
But it’s not the decision.?? It’s rarely about your logical thinking.? It’s almost always unreconciled feelings about the consequences of the decision.
I need to take this paper to the board, but should I??? You know it’s the right thing to do.?? The hesitation springs from thoughts like ‘how will they react’, ‘will they think I’m an idiot’, ‘will I get fired for being so impertinent’.? And on and on.
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Facing into the big fear
The big fear of course is always an assumption because we cannot truly know what will happen.
And it pays to look carefully at what is that competing commitment, the assumption that is holding you back.
You want to gain more time during the day.? You know that checking your emails less will free time.?? Your competing commitment might be needing to feel on top of things.?? Needing to avoid surprises.
You want to advance in your career to the next level.? You know that improving your boardroom presence is one of the things you need to do.?? Your competing commitment might be needing to feel competent and on top of things.? It might equally be needing to ensure you’re home at 6pm to read stories to your young family before you go to bed.
We’re not being judgemental here you understand.
It’s just recognising that we can say we want something and really think we mean it.? Until it comes round to doing the do.? And then we stall at the fence, unwilling to jump.
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Now to develop a super-power
Humility as a leader will now tell you that this article has been true for you as it is for most of us.
So now let’s really unleash your potential as a leader and consider how you help your team through change.
You may be a ‘suck it up buttercup’ kind of leader.? ?You might be one that understands theories of change and your preferred style is to issue platitudes about change, the essential nature of change, the general positives of change and hope that sticks.
My hope through this article is that you can do better than that.
Because if you have unresolved fears of change that you’re not willing to admit to yourself, what conditions are you going to need to create in order to help those around you face into their own fears.
I’d venture options 1 and 2 aren’t going to cut it.? Convenient though they may be.
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Up the benefits and lower the cost
Once you know the fear, you can start to understand the costs of that fear.?? And you can start to consider how can I go through this change and achieve the benefit AND minimise the costs I’m concerned will be incurred.
Once you know, for example, that much though you crave, desire and absolutely need the raise that’s going to come from that promotion, your fear is seeing less of your kids, reducing the intimacy in your relationship, witnessing that relationship go the same way it did for your parents……
Once you know, once you really know what that fear is.?? You’ve got options to design your approach so the change works for you, especially for you.
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Found this useful?? Please share it.
These articles are written for everyone who is new to leadership or transitioning to their next leadership position.
As more is expected with you, what got you this far is just the start.? And you can help others by sharing this article.? You can also find others on this website www.ianbrowne.com
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Do you have more potential?
Follow this link for a ten-minute assessment of what’s holding you back from unleashing your potential.? It’s completely free.
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Are you ready to unleash your potential?
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And who’d want to live a life knowing they had more to give?
Drop me a line here and let’s talk
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