Why your workplace is not your home and your co-workers are not your family

Some years back, Ajay, a colleague of mine at work, astonished to find my unflinching commitment and unquestioned long hours at work, made a dire prediction on me…..he told me, “ Amit, tomorrow if an ailment or injury lays you low, no one from the workplace where you spend more than 90% of your awake time, will nurse you back to health. They will, at most, get you admitted at the nearest hospital. You will have to rely on the people whom you presently spend less than 10% of your awake time with, to take care of you in that hour of? distress!”

At that time, caught in the toxicity and headiness of overcommitment and loyalty to my organisation, I did not heed much attention to his words.

Before you get me wrong, no,? I am starting on a sermon on work-life balance. I am expressing my thoughts on a more sinister workplace malaise-? workplace loyalty.

Many a time we may have come across statements in employer advts, or pre-placement talks or seminars, where chest thumping leaders and HR practitioners avow that their workplace is their family.

Good, aint it?

Bad, it is, instead.

Thousands of Gen-Xers in today's Indian workforce like me would have grown up on BR Chopras magnum opus on TV in late 1980s, adapted from the great Indian epic,? “Mahabharata”? which conveyed that “Moh”(Sanskrit for attachment) for family blinds us to act in ways that are pernicious for the organization (in that case, the organization was the Hastinapur Kingdom)

Yet we don’t learn from what we see.. Do we? We pride in being loyal and treating our workplace as our family!!

So, what is it that the author wants to convey here..

Work as a professional- maintain highest standards of ethics and if the organization does not support your value-system, don’t stay on there because you think it is your family. No, a workplace can and should never be your family.

Workplace relations should help further the organizational cause-collaboration, camaraderie and cohorts should only be forged for workplace outperformance. You should avoid at all costs developing a? workplace relationship? of best friend, romantic interest, son, daughter, father, uncle or aunt with your office colleague(s).Such an environment is likely to leave employees feeling un-empowered (as the parents (seniors) usually decide, and the children (younger/ junior employee)? follow orders) to stand up for themselves and take on work that falls outside of their comfort zone.?

In a “family” culture, frank feedback is likely to become absent. You don’t fire a family member, nor do you put them through performance improvement plans. Relationships between employees and employers are temporary in nature, and at some point, have to come to an end. So to liken the relationship to a family creates an allusion that the bond will last indefinitely.

Studies show that employees who operate within a “familial culture” often fail to report any wrongdoing when they feel closer ties to the perpetrator. Feelings of fear the damage might cause to the perpetrator keep fellow employees quiet and complicit.

Numerous examples and research also show that overly loyal people are more likely to participate in unethical acts to keep their jobs and are also more likely to be exploited by their employer.

?

When fostering a healthy, supportive culture, avoid promoting a “family” mentality and focus on putting in place actions and structures that bring value to and support your employees. For example, think of your organization as a sports team or a tribe instead. In doing so, you retain a culture of empathy, collectiveness, belonging, and shared values and goals, while outlining a performance-driven culture that respects the transactional nature of this relationship.

The fine art of separating your profession ( where you have to leverage your mental faculties for breakthrough performance) and? your family and friends ( where you can lavish your “Moh” (attachment) in building and nurturing emotional bonds of relationships is what should be one of the bedrocks of your professional

Even in my current leadership role in HR, I recently? realised that how an overtly? friendly relationship with a team member, made me often, demand lesser from him than what I should have professionally.

?Families are epitomes of maintaining traditions and organisations can survive only if they constantly change and adapt.

Don’t mix the two!

I seek your views on this through your comments!