Why Your Story Matters and People Need to Hear It

We humans are built for connection. In fact, we require it. Among our most?basic needs?(right alongside food and shelter) are love, belonging, and connection. Even the most introverted among us require the intimacy of friendship and love to be their happiest selves.

But how do we tap into this connection? How do we find belonging when we feel separated from our fellow humans thanks, especially, to the physical and mental separation brought on by the pandemic?

It turns out sharing your story and listening to others’ stories might hold the key. I know it does for me.

If you’re wondering why your story matters and what storytelling has to do with belonging and connection, keep reading.

Telling Stories Creates Connections

I’ve always known instinctively that stories are important. As the kid who hid under the covers reading books long after bedtime, I’ve long felt a deep connection to stories. The way they can transport us. The way they can draw us in. The way they can help us see ourselves in each other. But I had no idea how powerful telling my own story could be until?I did it?and experienced a profound connection to my audience.

Forever part-nerd-part-artist, that experience led me to research why storytelling works, and how it connects us. I wanted to know if it was purely emotional, or if there was science that backed up what I was experiencing. Sure enough, there is a ton of research to help explain why stories are powerful and important. Here is just a taste:

• An engaging emotional story?releases oxytocin and dopamine in our brain.?These feel-good hormones increase generosity, compassion, and trust. Also, when we hear a story, the neurons in our brain fire in the same pattern as the storyteller. Maybe this explains why I so often am moved to tears when I hear another person's story.?
• Stories light up more of the brain than “just facts”. When we take information in as a story, we are MUCH more likely to remember that information (some say as much as 20x more likely).?That's probably why I fell asleep in some of those lecture classes in college and was on the edge of my seat for others. Here's what's true: if you want to stop your audience's mind from wandering, tell an engaging story.
• Stories are an ancient way of connecting us to each other and to our past; we've been telling stories around the fire since the beginning of time. We now know that engaging stories actually help draw in listeners through “narrative transport”: that cool feeling you get when you are swept away into a story. This transportation stirs up emotions and creates empathy. It's the invisible thread that connects the storyteller to every listener and back again.?

Here’s what we know for sure: stories are a powerful tool for connection. Whether you’re looking to deepen connections in your life or at work, learning to tell your story can help.

What Is a Story and Do I Have One?

“OK, but what even is my story?” is something more than one?client?has asked me. It ranks second only to: “How do I figure out what part of my story to tell?” Both good questions. The idea of being a “storyteller” can feel intimidating and even out of reach if you don’t think of yourself as a writer.

The truth is, you don’t have to be a writer to tell a story.

A story is simply an account of something that happened. It can be true or fiction (both can hold the same power). But for our purposes, when I talk about personal storytelling, I’m referring to a true story from your life. Not your whole life story, but a compilation of moments that expresses something important and transformational.

Transformation is the key. An engaging story almost always boils down to a moment of change that transforms the main character (that’s you!). When you consider telling a story about yourself, try to drill down and unearth that pivotal moment. It may be a quiet moment of realization, or a shocking moment of trauma. Either way, the best personal stories are about the moments that changed you.

If you’re still wondering if you’re a storyteller with a story to tell, I’m here to tell you YES to both. Because everyone has experienced moments of transformation. And when we share stories about these moments of change and growth, we can’t help but connect with other people, because they, too, have experienced change and growth. That’s what being human is after all.

Your Story Matters (to you and to the world)

Not that you’re hip to the power of storytelling, and realize that everyone has a story to tell, and have permission to be a storyteller, you may still be stuck. I wonder if, like most people I talk to, you’re asking yourself, “Does my story matter?”

Short answer: Hell, yes.

Long answer: Not only does your story matter, but there are benefits to telling your story. Not only does it help create that connection we all so desperately need and want, but it can also be an act of healing for yourself AND for your audience.

Studies have shown that writing stories about our lives helps us make sense of the past, find meaning, and?tap into our resilience. Putting our traumatic moments into words can actually benefit our overall health. Getting the story out of your head and onto “paper” helps establish you as the author of the story and can separate you from the events of your life. This objectivity can be?deeply healing?physically and mentally.

Fun fact: this is why I named my business?Resilient Storytelling. Having experienced significant and chronic trauma in my childhood, I did not start profoundly healing until I began telling my story. Which was not the surprising part. I always knew I needed to tell my story as a way to get my trauma out of my body and give it somewhere else to live. What?did?surprise me was the effect telling my story had on other people.?

I will never forget the?first time I told my story on stage. The audience was made up of a couple dozen people, mostly storytelling classmates and close friends. It was about as safe of a room as it could be. But still, I was covered in terror sweats when I walked on stage. Somehow, I made it through. I opened my mouth, remembered the words, and told my story. And I didn’t burst into flames.

Telling this particular story was a big moment for me. It was the first time I ever told a true story on stage before, AND it was the first time I talked about my childhood trauma in front of a group of people. But the real surprise happened afterwards, when some of the audience members came up to me and said, “Thank you. I needed to hear that story.” When one person said, “Wow. The same thing happened to me. I’ve never heard that said out loud before.”

In that moment, I understood that not only did my story matter to me, but it also mattered to other people. I began to see how storytelling could be a tool for healing. And that finding my voice might help other people find theirs.

5 Steps to Begin Telling Your Story

If you think you have a story to tell, but are not sure where to start, here is how to begin telling your story.

?1. Ask yourself WHY you want to tell this story (HINT: there is no right answer).?

Tapping into your “why” before you sit down to craft your story will allow you to identify what makes this an important exercise for you. Doing this mindset hack will make it more likely that you will follow through and appreciate the results.

2. Brainstorm first.

Next, before you worry about getting the words right and the sentences “sounding good,” take some time to sketch out your story idea. I recommend you begin with a Mind Map by writing some of the key ideas of your story in the center of a piece of paper. Then, draw lines from those ideas and write a bit about what each idea means to you. Not everything on your Mind Map will make its way into your story. But this exercise can help you get your ideas out in a loose, low-pressure way.?

3. Identify the transformational moment.

Dig into the story you want to tell and look for the moment when things changed for you. Sometimes this is the moment that something happened, and sometimes it’s the moment you had a realization. If this is challenging, ask yourself “What is this?story really about?” and look for a moment that best represents the answer.????

4. Start in the middle.

Whatever you do, please don’t sit down to write your story and start at the beginning. There is nothing worse than the tyranny of the blank page. One of my favorite storytelling hacks is to start in the middle. Write about that transformational moment. Writing about the most important part of the story first is a great way to get into the storytelling process without the pressure to find the perfect first line.???

5. Build the edges.

Then, build out the edges of your story. Starting in the middle, work your way out. Consider what the audience needs to know for the middle of the story to make sense. That’s your beginning. Then think about what changed, and the big lessons or take-aways from your transformative moment. That’s your ending.?

Your Story Matters and People Need to Hear It

Whether you’re moved by the science or the artistry of storytelling, my hope is that you are compelled to tell yours.

Because your story matters.

If you’re just getting started, download the free?Storyteller’s Manifesto. It’s a bit of inspiration and a few prompts from me to you.

If you have a story you want to tell, but aren't sure where to start, Story Coaching might be just the thing. Schedule a free Clarity Call with me here and let's talk.