Why Your Self Talk is Sucking The Life Out Of You

Self talk = the way you talk to yourself and about yourself when no one is listening or watching.

Self talk = non-stop, unless you are sleeping

Self talk = shapes your life, no matter how hard you might be working on the outside.

I was the queen of self talk.......negative self talk, that is.

The worst part was that I had zero idea I was doing it.

I used to say to myself:

• "You suck at this"
• "You are probably going to get fired"
• There is no way those women would want to be friends with me. They are prettier and cooler than me"
• "I don't deserve this. I got so lucky."

There was so much subtle self hatred, self judgement and self criticism.

Constant put downs. Constantly making excuses for my wins and successes, instead of just owning them.

I was quick to diminish the wins and successes and just as quick with the self-blame when I fell short of the high bar I set for myself.

Your self talk will either elevate you or expend you.

I, for a long time, believed that if I was kind to myself, that would mean that I would slack off or I would fall behind on the race (not sure what imaginary race I was in).

If I was kind to myself, I thought I would lose the edge and lose out on the prize, the promotion, or the GPA.

I thought the negative self talk was getting me further in life, while in reality, it was sucking the life out of me.

It was draining my energy, because I had the most trusted person in the world (i.e. ME) telling me 24/7 why I wasn't enough, why I would never measure up, why I wouldn't be successful, why I wasn't working hard.

Self talk is so toxic, because no one can see it happening, especially you. It's akin to abuse because it's constant, sometimes vitriol, and manipulative.

If you are taking all the action in the world, working hard, following all the rules, doing all the right things and yet you find yourself no further than before, your self-talk could be the solution that you are seeking.

It is powerful, powerful enough to propel you into the next level or keep you stuck where you are.

Start observing the things that you tell yourself on a moment to moment basis. Is it kind and encouraging, similar to what you might say to your best friend?

Or is it hurtful and patronizing?

WHY DO WE, ESPECIALLY WOMEN, PROGRAMMED TO HAVE SUCH NEGATIVE SELF TALK?

Maybe it's because we model ourselves after our mothers. This was the case with me.

Growing up I watched my mother deflect compliments for her hard work, her cooking skills, her wicked smart brain, her intelligence and her beauty.

On hindsight, she was a trail brazer for her generation - one of the first women in my family to get a post graduate degree when typically women from affluent families in India weren't encouraged to pursue higher level education.

She defied the norm and went after her dreams, despite negativity from my dad's family. So I never saw her celebrate her post graduate achievement. It was a non-achievement as far as her family was concerned and it never registered in my life as a milestone.

I grew up thinking that humility was more important than celebration and relishing the win.

To this day, I continue to work on owning my wins. I am always quick to share the credit and tell myself that I had very little to do with achieving the thing I set out to do. I will celebrate my husband for supporting me, my parents for being amazing humans, my family for being nurturing.

It is still unnatural for me to "own my greatness". But it's something that I am getting better at everyday.

What does your self-talk sound like? Are you aware of your it?

I help high achieving women who are overwhelmed and unfulfilled find passion, joy and connection to their life. The women I work with shift from feeling like a powerless spectator of their own life to becoming the powerful creator of their future. 

My area of expertise is helping women:

?shed limiting beliefs 

?uncover mindset blocks

?shift behaviors to achieve balance 

I help my clients get out of their own way, get out of their heads and dive deep into their hearts, so they can achieve their fullest potential.

To see if coaching is right for you, book your 45 min complimentary transformation call with me today.