Why Your Personal Values Are Important

Introduction

Growing up in a small Pacific Islands country with a population of just over 500,000, I was surrounded by a rich tapestry of cultures and traditions. Life in this setting taught me the importance of community, respect, and harmony.

But imagine my astonishment when I first visited Japan - a country with a profoundly different, ancient heritage, marked by the legacies of warlords, emperors, and centuries-old traditions. Landing in Tokyo, a sprawling metropolis home to nearly 40 million people, I found myself in awe. Despite the city's immense scale and speed, what I saw was an unbreakable thread of respect, courtesy, and integrity woven into the fabric of daily life. From the quiet order of public transport to the immaculate streets and the ritualistic bowing in every greeting, it became clear that Japan’s values are more than ideals - they are the foundation that keeps this “city that never sleeps” running with remarkable harmony and precision.

This experience in Tokyo opened my eyes to the profound impact of a values-based culture and how deeply it can influence not only individuals but society at large. Japan’s ability to balance individual and collective values reminded me of the essential role that strong personal values play in shaping our lives, choices, and connections.

Stephen Covey, in his influential book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, asserts that values are the “true north” that guide us, enabling us to make decisions that align with our deepest beliefs. When our personal values are congruent with societal values, as they are in Japan, the results are extraordinary: individuals feel a greater sense of purpose and authenticity, and society benefits from a shared sense of harmony and mutual respect.

Living in line with personal values, as authors like Viktor Frankl (Man’s Search for Meaning) and Brené Brown (Daring Greatly) have explored, fosters a sense of authenticity, purpose, and resilience. Frankl, who survived immense suffering during World War II, emphasised that meaning arises from commitment to one’s values, even in the face of hardship. Meanwhile, Brown’s work shows that when we live in congruence with values like compassion, integrity, and courage, we experience a deeper connection to ourselves and those around us. When authenticity guides our actions, we don’t just live; we contribute positively to the world around us.

This article explores why it’s crucial to cultivate and live by strong personal values and how this alignment with societal values can enrich not only individual lives but entire communities. We’ll look at how core values support our sense of self, enable authenticity, and ultimately allow us to live with integrity, contributing positively to a world in need of connection, respect, and kindness. From the influence of higher consciousness to navigating conflicts between personal and societal values, this journey into values-based living is a roadmap to a more fulfilled, resilient, joyful and impactful life.

Understanding Personal Values

To understand the power of personal values, we first need to define what they truly are. Personal values are the deeply held beliefs that guide our decisions, actions, and sense of right and wrong.

They shape the very core of who we are and influence how we interact with the world.

Unlike fleeting preferences or interests, values are enduring and often foundational; they are the “why” behind our choices, providing direction and meaning.

When we have a clear understanding of our personal values, we carry a compass that keeps us aligned with what matters most, helping us to live authentically and purposefully.

Personal values are influenced by various factors, including family, culture, education, mentors and life experiences. From a young age, our values are shaped by the world around us - through family expectations, cultural norms, and community values. Education plays a significant role, especially as we interact with teachers, peers, and mentors who expose us to new ideas, diverse perspectives, and shared principles. For example, a person raised in a close-knit family might come to value loyalty, while someone from a culture that honours elders may hold respect as a core principle. Author Shalom Schwartz, who developed a widely used framework for understanding human values, explains that values are not only individually shaped but also universally understood. His research shows that, regardless of cultural background, people tend to value universal principles like kindness, honesty, and fairness, suggesting that there are values that resonate deeply across humanity.

Beyond cultural and educational influences, personal experiences play a powerful role in shaping our values. Viktor Frankl, the renowned psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, writes in Man’s Search for Meaning that values often emerge from our responses to life’s challenges. He believed that our values are what give us strength during hardship, offering us a sense of purpose even in the darkest moments, which later helped others find meaning in their lives.

Some people also experience a deeper sense of guidance that transcends social and cultural conditioning, often described as a higher consciousness or spiritual awareness. Values like compassion, empathy, and unity naturally arise from this deeper understanding of self and the world. Michael A. Singer, in The Untethered Soul, describes this awareness as a state where we move beyond our surface-level desires and fears to a more profound inner clarity. According to Singer, “The only permanent solution to your problems is to go inward and let go of the part of you that seems to have so many problems with reality.” When we cultivate this kind of self-awareness, values that are aligned with universal principles of kindness, responsibility, and integrity emerge more freely. Practices like mindfulness, meditation, or quiet reflection can help individuals connect with this deeper awareness, allowing them to live by values that aren’t imposed by society but instead arise from a true understanding of self and purpose.

By understanding our personal values, we gain insight into who we are and what we stand for. These values form the core of our identity, giving us a stable foundation as we navigate life’s complexities and guide us in living authentically and contributing meaningfully to the world around us.

In a fast-paced society that often pulls us in multiple directions, knowing and honouring our values helps us stay grounded, focused, and aligned with our true selves.

Learning Exercise: Discovering Your Core Values

Take a few quiet moments for this exercise to help clarify your personal values. Grab a notebook or open a blank document and complete the following steps:

1. Reflect on Influences: Think back to your upbringing, education, and key life experiences. Who or what has shaped your understanding of right and wrong, meaningful versus superficial, or purposeful versus trivial? Write down some key influences and how they may have contributed to your current values.
2. Identify Core Values: Below is a short list of common values. Circle or highlight any that resonate strongly with you, or add your own: Honesty, Compassion, Responsibility, Freedom, Respect, Loyalty, Curiosity, Balance, Courage, Community, Simplicity, Learning
3. Prioritise Your Top Five: From your highlighted values, choose the five that feel most essential to who you are and how you want to live. Write a few sentences on why each one matters to you personally.
4. Evaluate Alignment: For each of your top five values, consider how aligned your daily actions are with that value. Are there any areas where you could live more in line with these principles?
5. Set an Intention: Choose one specific action you can take this week to embody one of your core values more fully. For instance, if you selected “compassion,” you might decide to volunteer or spend time actively listening to a friend in need.

This exercise can be repeated periodically, as values can evolve over time. Reflecting regularly on your core values helps reinforce their role in your life, bringing clarity and purpose to your everyday decisions.

The Role of Personal Values in Shaping Self-Identity

Personal values are essential to defining who we are. They act as an inner compass, guiding our decisions and helping us establish a sense of self that feels consistent and grounded. When we live according to our values, we experience authenticity and integrity - qualities that contribute to a life rich with purpose and meaning.

Stephen R. Covey, in his influential book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, emphasises the importance of “principle-centred living.” He describes values as our “true north,” guiding us through life with clarity and confidence. According to Covey, individuals who root their identity in core principles, such as integrity, kindness, or responsibility, are less influenced by external pressures and more anchored in a stable sense of self. This principle-centred approach fosters authenticity, allowing people to act in ways that truly reflect who they are.

Living by personal values builds integrity, which strengthens self-respect and trust in one’s choices. When our actions align with our beliefs, we develop a consistent and dependable identity, one that feels authentic and trustworthy. This alignment between values and actions creates resilience, helping us navigate a world that often prioritises external success over internal fulfilment.

By grounding us in authenticity and integrity, values provide a foundation for self-identity that remains stable and meaningful. Covey’s insights remind us that when we commit to a life guided by core principles, we cultivate a strong sense of self that is equipped to withstand change and pursue genuine fulfilment.

Values as a Framework for Decision-Making and Action

Personal values serve as an internal compass, guiding our decisions and actions. When we face choices, large or small, values offer clarity, helping us assess options through a lens of what truly matters. This alignment creates a life of integrity, where actions consistently reflect core beliefs, leading to fulfilment and self-trust.

A values-based approach to decision-making is especially powerful in today’s fast-paced world, where external pressures can easily cloud judgment. When grounded in values like compassion, integrity, or curiosity, individuals are less swayed by fleeting trends or societal expectations. Instead, they make choices that resonate with their beliefs, creating a life that feels authentic and purposeful. For example, someone who values kindness may prioritise helping others, whether in personal relationships or in a career that serves the community.

Values also foster a growth mindset, as described by Carol Dweck in Mindset. When people value curiosity, resilience, and self-improvement, they approach challenges as learning opportunities rather than setbacks. This mindset makes it easier to embrace change, adapt, and continuously develop, leading to greater resilience and long-term satisfaction. Those who prioritise growth-based values are less likely to fear failure; instead, they see it as a step toward personal progress.

Incorporating values into daily actions can be as simple as setting intentions aligned with these principles. For example, someone who values integrity might consciously choose transparency in their communications. This honesty builds trust, as astute listeners quickly pick up on any discrepancies between words and actions. Transparent communication strengthens connections, reinforcing that values like integrity and authenticity are more than ideals -they’re active choices that shape interactions and relationships.

By using values as a decision-making framework, individuals create lives marked by purpose, growth, and authenticity. In a world filled with choices, this inner compass offers clarity and confidence, enabling people to live with integrity and pursue meaningful goals.

Personal Values in Relationships and Community

Personal values are essential in building meaningful relationships and fostering community. Values like empathy, honesty, and respect form the foundation of trust and understanding, creating connections that are authentic, resilient, and mutually supportive.

However, many relationships today can feel transactional, driven by convenience or obligation rather than genuine connection. Romantic, family, and even social relationships may lack the depth that comes from shared values, resulting in interactions that feel shallow and unsatisfying. Without a core of mutual respect and understanding, these relationships are often fragile, breaking down under pressure.

Harriet Lerner, in The Dance of Connection, emphasises that relationships built on authenticity and respect tend to be stronger and more meaningful. Lerner explains that open, honest communication fosters genuine bonds, allowing people to feel valued, not merely used. Similarly, Brené Brown argues in Daring Greatly that values like trust and empathy create space for vulnerability and true connection. According to Brown, bringing our whole selves into relationships creates bonds that endure beyond surface-level exchanges.

At a community level, values like kindness, inclusivity, and responsibility foster an environment where everyone feels respected and supported. Living by these values creates a ripple effect, inspiring others to do the same and strengthening the social fabric.

Ultimately, personal values are not only individual beliefs; they’re the threads that connect us to each other. By living according to our values, we build relationships and communities characterised by respect, trust, and genuine support.

The Role of Higher Consciousness in Personal Values

Higher consciousness - often accessed through mindfulness, self-reflection, or spiritual practice (meditation, yoga and Tai Chi) - can profoundly shape and deepen our personal values. When we connect with a sense of higher awareness, values such as compassion, humility, and integrity often emerge more clearly, allowing us to see beyond immediate desires and ego-driven pursuits.

This awareness provides a perspective that aligns with universal principles. Michael A. Singer, in The Untethered Soul, describes higher consciousness as a state where we rise above surface-level concerns, creating space for values that prioritise genuine connection, empathy, and responsibility. According to Singer, cultivating higher awareness helps us release fears and desires tied to social expectations, enabling us to act from a place of authenticity and kindness.

Philosophers and psychologists have long explored this connection. Abraham Maslow, through his concept of self-actualisation, suggested that individuals who embrace a higher sense of purpose develop values that emphasise love, truth, and beauty—qualities that transcend everyday concerns. Similarly, Carl Jung’s idea of the “collective unconscious” suggests that our values are shaped by universal archetypes, leading us toward values like wisdom, compassion, and integrity.

Higher consciousness also encourages individuals to view others and the world with a sense of interconnectedness. When people feel connected to something larger than themselves, they are more inclined to live by values that benefit others, such as kindness and environmental responsibility. This perspective can transform relationships, communities, and even our approach to challenges, fostering a mindset of unity and respect.

In essence, higher consciousness acts as a clarifying lens through which personal values become more intentional, guiding us toward lives of greater empathy, purpose, and fulfilment.

Conflicts Between Personal and Societal Values

While personal values guide us toward authentic living, they can sometimes clash with societal expectations, creating tension and inner conflict. Society often promotes values centred around material success, competition, and conformity, which may not align with individual beliefs in compassion, simplicity, or integrity. Navigating these gaps is challenging, especially when external pressures encourage us to act against our principles.

One common area of conflict is materialism versus simplicity. Modern society equates success with wealth and status, pushing people to pursue financial gain and achievement. As author Tim Kasser notes in The High Price of Materialism, “When people organise their lives around extrinsic goals such as wealth, they report greater unhappiness.” This disconnect often leaves those who value simplicity or environmental responsibility feeling unfulfilled.

Workplaces heighten these tensions, as many organisations are profit-driven. Individuals who prioritise ethics or social responsibility may feel out of place when business decisions prioritise profit over people. Simon Sinek, in Start with Why, argues that businesses focused solely on profit risk “losing trust and loyalty” from those who seek purpose and integrity in their work.

Conflicts also arise in hierarchical workplaces where positional power dominates. Brené Brown, in Dare to Lead, argues that workplaces where authority trumps respect create “cultures of fear,” eroding trust and authentic connection. For those who value inclusivity and respect, such environments can feel stifling and misaligned with personal values.

In cases where the work environment is toxic or fundamentally at odds with one’s values, changing workplaces or even careers may be necessary to preserve well-being and integrity. Moving to a role or organisation that aligns with core values can provide a renewed sense of purpose and satisfaction, as well as a healthier, more supportive environment. Additionally, surrounding yourself with colleagues and friends who share your values can reinforce your commitment to living authentically. A supportive network can serve as a buffer against external pressures, offering encouragement and reminding you of the importance of staying true to your beliefs.

To navigate these conflicts, setting boundaries and seeking supportive communities can help. Reflecting on core beliefs strengthens the resolve to live authentically, even in challenging environments. Staying grounded in personal values offers a reliable foundation, enabling individuals to balance personal fulfilment with societal expectations.

Cross-Cultural Perspectives: Values-Based Living

Around the world, some cultures and countries have deeply rooted values that influence not only individual behaviours but also community interactions, policies, and national identity. These societies demonstrate that values-based living isn’t just a personal choice; it can be woven into the fabric of everyday life, inspiring a sense of unity, respect, and purpose.

Japan provides a strong example of values-based living, where respect, harmony, and duty are essential to cultural identity. Known for its practice of wa (harmony) and reigi (etiquette), Japanese society emphasises consideration for others, order, and community well-being. This values-driven culture is evident in the meticulous cleanliness of public spaces, the quiet efficiency of public transport, and the deep respect shown in social interactions. The Japanese emphasis on harmony encourages individuals to consider the collective good, fostering a society where respect for others and shared spaces is deeply ingrained.

In Bhutan, values take precedence in an unusual way: the government measures success through Gross National Happiness (GNH) rather than GDP. This approach prioritises well-being, environmental sustainability, and cultural preservation over economic growth alone. Bhutan’s emphasis on happiness and harmony with nature reflects values of compassion, responsibility, and mindfulness, offering a model of a society where collective well-being is central.

Denmark also exemplifies values-based living through its focus on social equality, community trust, and well-being. The Danish concept of hygge—which values simplicity, comfort, and enjoying small moments - encourages a mindful approach to daily life. Denmark’s social policies reflect a commitment to equity and support, with healthcare, education, and social services available to all. This national focus on community well-being fosters a sense of inclusion and trust, creating a society where people feel cared for and valued.

These examples show how values like respect, harmony, inclusivity, and collective well-being can shape not only individual lives but entire societies. By prioritising values-based policies and daily practices, these cultures remind us that a society’s strength lies in the principles it upholds. They offer a model for how values-based living can contribute to a more connected, respectful, and fulfilling life - both individually and collectively.

Personal Values as a Source of Resilience, Fulfilment, and Serendipity

Personal values are more than guiding principles; they offer resilience, fulfilment, and even a pathway to unexpected opportunities. When we align with our core values, we create an inner strength that helps us navigate challenges, find meaning, and remain grounded amid uncertainty.

Values-based living strengthens resilience by providing a stable foundation during times of change or adversity. Knowing what truly matters allows individuals to stay centred, helping them persevere through setbacks. Angela Duckworth, in her book Grit, discusses the power of passion and perseverance, both of which are deeply rooted in personal values. Duckworth argues that when people have a strong sense of purpose, they are more resilient and committed, a quality she calls “grit.” This resilience is nurtured by values, as individuals who live in alignment with their core beliefs are better equipped to face challenges and pursue meaningful goals.

Living according to personal values also leads to greater fulfilment. When our actions reflect our beliefs, we experience a sense of alignment and purpose. Instead of pursuing external validation, we can focus on what genuinely brings us joy and meaning. Viktor Frankl, in Man’s Search for Meaning, argued that fulfilment often comes not from external achievements but from living in accordance with one’s values. For those who value compassion, for instance, prioritising acts of kindness leads to a deep-seated sense of contentment that success alone cannot provide.

Adam Grant, in Give and Take, reinforces this, showing that people who focus on contributing to others tend to feel more fulfilled. Grant’s research suggests that “givers,” who value generosity, often experience a strong sense of purpose and satisfaction in both personal and professional life.

Interestingly, values-based living can also attract serendipitous opportunities. Christian Busch, in The Serendipity Mindset, explains that individuals open to curiosity, gratitude, and flexibility tend to encounter positive, unexpected experiences more frequently. When people live with values like openness and curiosity, they become more attuned to potential opportunities in unexpected moments. Busch’s concept of the “serendipity mindset” reveals that being values-driven doesn’t just ground us; it also opens us to connections and opportunities that bring richness to our lives.

In essence, personal values are a source of resilience, fulfilment, and serendipity. By grounding us in what matters, they create a life that feels rich with purpose and open to new, positive experiences. In a world filled with distractions, values serve as a compass, guiding us toward a meaningful and rewarding life.

Conclusion

In a world filled with constant change and external pressures, personal values are essential for grounding us, providing direction, and fostering a life of authenticity and meaning. Values guide our decisions, shape our relationships, and offer resilience during times of adversity. When we live in alignment with our core principles, we build a sense of integrity that fuels not only personal fulfilment but also a positive impact on those around us.

Throughout this exploration, we’ve seen that values-driven living contributes to deeper self-identity, stronger relationships, and a more connected community. By examining cross-cultural perspectives, we see how values like respect, compassion, and responsibility can enhance both individual and societal well-being. Through the insights of authors like Brené Brown, Angela Duckworth, and Christian Busch, it’s clear that values help us build resilience, invite serendipitous opportunities, and pursue a life rich in purpose.

Living according to our values allows us to transcend superficial goals and “life mirages” that offer temporary satisfaction. Instead, we find long-term fulfilment in pursuing what genuinely matters. As Tim Kasser reminds us in The High Price of Materialism, aligning life with internal values leads to greater happiness and well-being, far beyond what material success can provide.

The invitation, then, is simple yet powerful: take time to reflect on your own core values and how they shape your choices and interactions. Surround yourself with others who share these values, and remember that living by them doesn’t just enrich your own life - it contributes to a better, more compassionate world. In choosing to live authentically, with resilience and openness to new opportunities, you create a life aligned with purpose and integrity, grounded in principles that have the power to transform both self and society.

All the best in your endeavours!

Frank Choy, Sydney

3 November 2024

Exercise

Daily Habits to Overcome Chasing “Life Mirages”

In today’s fast-paced world, people are often encouraged to chase what can feel like “life mirages” - material success, social validation, and fleeting pleasures that promise happiness but rarely deliver. This relentless pursuit can lead to stress, dissatisfaction, and a sense of emptiness. However, by cultivating values-based habits, individuals can stay grounded in what genuinely brings joy and meaning, reducing the pull of materialism and external validation.

Here are a few simple yet powerful habits that can help reconnect with personal values daily, fostering authenticity, fulfilment, and peace of mind:

Start Each Day with a Values Check-In

Each morning, take a moment to reflect on one or two core values that resonate with you, such as kindness or integrity. Set a small intention to express these values through your actions that day, whether through simple acts of kindness, practicing patience, or prioritising honesty in conversations. This morning check-in grounds you in values, providing clarity for your day’s choices.

Practise “Enoughness”

To counter materialism, adopt a mindset of “enoughness.” Reflect on what you have with gratitude. Remind yourself that fulfilment often comes from appreciating the present rather than endlessly pursuing “more.” This habit nurtures contentment, helping you feel less compelled to chase superficial desires.

Limit Social Media for Authentic Connection

Social media can amplify feelings of inadequacy or materialistic envy. Set boundaries around its use, focusing instead on building real-life connections that reflect your values. Engaging meaningfully with others reduces the need for external validation and reinforces values like empathy, authenticity, and presence.

End the Day with Reflection

At night, consider whether your actions aligned with your values. Celebrate moments where you honoured them, and gently reflect on situations where you strayed. This practice reinforces integrity and allows for gradual, values-based growth without self-criticism.

Quarterly Values Check-In

Every few months, revisit your core values. Reflect on whether they still feel relevant or if new experiences have brought different values to the forefront. Regular check-ins allow you to adapt and grow, ensuring that your daily habits remain aligned with what you truly value.

Surround Yourself with Like-Minded People

People who share your values can serve as a source of support, motivation, and accountability. Seek out colleagues, friends, or community groups that align with your principles. Positive influences make it easier to live authentically, especially when facing external pressures.

Establish Boundaries

In a fast-paced, competitive world, setting boundaries is essential for upholding personal values. Learn to say no to situations or commitments that don’t align with what matters most to you, whether it’s maintaining work-life balance, prioritising honesty, or practising kindness.

Focus on the Bigger Picture

When life gets challenging, remind yourself of the long-term fulfilment that values-driven living brings. While material rewards may be tempting, values offer a deeper satisfaction that external achievements can’t match. Staying focused on your core principles helps you make decisions that lead to genuine happiness and purpose.

By integrating these small, values-based habits into daily life, individuals can free themselves from the stress of constantly chasing external markers of happiness. Instead, they’ll find greater fulfilment in the stability and meaning that living authentically brings, creating a life rooted in purpose and true contentment.

Recommended reading:

"The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen R. Covey

Covey’s classic offers a principle-centred approach to life, outlining how core values like integrity, responsibility, and empathy can guide personal and professional success.

"The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brené Brown

Brown explores the power of authenticity, courage, and vulnerability, encouraging readers to live by their values and embrace imperfections. This book is excellent for anyone interested in how values shape self-worth and personal connections.

"Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance" by Angela Duckworth

Duckworth’s research on “grit” emphasises the importance of commitment to one’s values and passions, showing how perseverance and purpose, rooted in personal values, drive resilience and achievement.

"Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success" by Adam Grant

Grant explores the value of generosity in both personal and professional contexts, arguing that those who prioritise giving over taking often achieve greater fulfilment and success.

"The Serendipity Mindset: The Art and Science of Creating Good Luck" by Christian Busch

Busch’s book reveals how values like curiosity, openness, and flexibility can lead to serendipitous opportunities, showing that aligning with personal values often opens unexpected doors.

"Dare to Lead" by Brené Brown

In this book, Brown applies her research on vulnerability to leadership, emphasising values like courage, empathy, and integrity as essential qualities for effective, authentic leadership.

"The High Price of Materialism" by Tim Kasser

Kasser’s work critiques the societal focus on materialism, showing that people who prioritise intrinsic values (e.g., relationships, personal growth) over extrinsic goals (e.g., wealth, status) tend to experience greater happiness and life satisfaction.

"The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself" by Michael A. Singer

Singer explores the nature of consciousness and encourages readers to transcend ego-driven desires to live in alignment with deeper values like compassion, presence, and authenticity.

"The Dance of Connection" by Harriet Lerner

Lerner’s book discusses the importance of authenticity and integrity in relationships, teaching readers how to navigate conflicts and remain true to their values in interactions with others.

"Ethics for the New Millennium" by His Holiness the Dalai Lama

In this book, the Dalai Lama offers a secular approach to ethics and values, promoting compassion, kindness, and responsibility as essential to both personal fulfilment and a peaceful society. His insights are a reminder that values can unify people across cultures and beliefs.