Why Your Childhood May Be Haunting You

By Ashley Stahl, Originally Published in Forbes

From millionaires stressing over every decision they make to the endlessly self-doubting entrepreneur, as a career coach, I find that no matter where someone is on their career journey, many people lack the confidence to embrace themselves and make a positive change in their lives.

Instead of blaming yourself for not succeeding or flourishing in the present, maybe you need to think back on how your family viewed, discussed, and rewarded success, and learn how to shift your current mindset to better serve you rather than the ideals instilled in you by your past.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself if you’re ready to check in:

• How did your family view their careers? Was dad always focused on work, while mom was searching for her career purpose? Were your parents ever stressed about living paycheck-to-paycheck? These are important questions that can really help you explain why you look at careers, jobs, and salaries the way you do today.
• Are your childhood ambitions driving your expectations? Did you set your sites on being an astronaut, zoologist or tennis player as a child? Holding onto a dream is a great resource to draw strength from in hard times, but be sure to allow yourself to take unexpected paths and explore opportunities as they present themselves. You never know when a seemingly minor decision may catapult you into a new career.
• Are your parents still involved in your big decision making process? We are living in a time when young adults and their parents have a much closer and involved relationship than before. Overparenting, or “helicoptering”, is something that can take that relationship too far, and do some real damage when it comes to self-esteem and independence. For example, roughly 33% of Millennials today say their parents are very involved in their job hunt process, and when it comes time to accept a job offer, seven out of 10 college recruits say they need to speak to their parents first. Don’t be afraid to take some steps on your own, it’s the only way you’ll find out what really drives you to succeed.

Everyone was impacted by their parents in some way or another. Whether it was being constantly sheltered to having to raise yourself or your siblings from a young age, the imprint of our childhood is something that sticks with us for the rest of our lives. Rather than letting it define our present, however, we should take the lessons we can from the past and apply them to the present so we can shape our future.

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