Why Your Breakthroughs Are Broken

Have you noticed that affirmations and breakthroughs designed to fix what isn't working about your life, seem to perpetually fail?

Reggie is going to show us why that is the case:

Reggie has been getting rejected.

Reggie can't be with getting rejected. He's got stories about it, he makes it all significant. Being rejected is a part of life, but because rejection was such a sore point for Reggie when he was young, it?means something significant?when it happens to him now.

As a result, Reggie does everything in his power to avoid rejection.

The best strategy he's come up with is to simply stop asking people out. That way, he doesn't have to face rejection.

But, alas, Reggie feels lonely.

So, Reggie is lonely, and he hates rejection. The breakthrough he wants his "Magnetism", because it will solve both of these things.

Reggie's thinking is that if he can just make himself Magnetic enough, then he won't get rejected, asking people out will be easy, and then things will be easy.

But being rejected is a part of life, so this attempt by Reggie is doomed to fail.

Rejection is really only a problem for Reggie because he has a story about what it means (eg, "I suck", "I'm ugly", "Nobody loves me", etc.)

Because of this story, Reggie becomes fearful of rejection, and he closes down ontologically. Instead of getting to be his fully-expressed, naturally delightful self, Reggie becomes linear, protected and closed when the possibility of rejection looms near.

A breakthrough is something that allows or Reggie to move through his life open and free,?even and especially?when rejection is on the menu.

We can get at what that breakthrough might be in many different ways. In this case, we might ask Reggie, "Who don't you get to be when you're afraid of being rejected?"

Reggie might think a bit, and then offer us some options: "Well, I don't get to be authentic. I start trying to be something I'm not. And I also lose connection. I shut down, go inwards, get quiet. I pull away from people. Oh, and also, I don't get to be playful. I'm normally really witty, but because I get so focused on trying to impress someone, I get very serious."

So the way this is setup is that as long as rejection is a possibility, Reggie can't be Wit, Connection or Authentic. Those things are off the table for Reggie.

And of course, since they're off the table, he's hoping for some kind of breakthrough that will make rejection go away forever, and then he could just be his natural self.

Things will shift when Reggie takes his attention off rejection entirely, and chooses to create a breakthrough in one of these ways of being. If he chooses a breakthrough in Authenticity, the game is for him to show up and practise authenticity, no matter how things go.

He's getting accept and the person in front of him seems to be vibing on him? Great —?Reggie can practise sharing how good that feels, in service of his authenticity.

Reggie's getting some smirks and the person in front of him seems to think he's a dork? Great — Reggie can practise sharing what's showing up for himself, in service of authenticity.

"But Adam — that won't solve the problem of rejection. Reggie might get rejected precisely because he shared that!"

That's correct, imaginary-person-I-created-to-state-this-objection —?and that's the point.

We're not trying to overcome or stop rejection, because that's a natural part of the abundance of life. We're seeking to support Reggie creating a?breakthrough?in Authenticity.

And, let's assume Reggie creates this breakthrough —?now he's able to be authentic with people, regardless of whether or not he might get rejected. Do you think that might have an impact on how accepted he feels, and how people relate to and open or close to him?

The breakthrough never fixes our circumstances. It expands our capacity to be with life as it is showing up. A breakthrough?allows for?our circumstances, and expands beyond them.