WHY ARE YOU SO SCARED OF WHAT'S BIGGER THAN YOU?

I was reminded again tonight of something that I think is a real line in the sand for me with people.

I DO NOT deal well with people who are outright scared of anything that is bigger than them.

I have loved horses for as long as I can remember. I didn't grow up around them. I had to beg my parents to go on bike rides with me to the places that were well away from where we lived (and therefore I couldn't just nip over after school or something) so that I could PAT a horse, or give it a handful of grass, or just LOOK at that majestic thing.

At the age of about 7, I rang every riding school in and around Adelaide demanding they give me lessons. I was told I was too young and insurance wouldn't cover me because I was under 12 years of age.

I distinctly remember telling one adult, "Well, that's just not right. I'm smarter and a quicker learner with more common sense than most ten year-olds!"

Needless to say that didn't convince them.

So when we rode up the massive hill that is Bishop's Hill Road in Happy Valley, to where there was a big bay horse and a little grey pony of about 12 hands - and someone was there - I basically demanded a lesson. On the big horse.

Again - response = NO. Begrudgingly suggested she could give me basic lessons on the pony. I agreed.

A few weeks or months later, patting horses near our family friend's place, someone came to feed. Again I asked for lessons, and she happened to give lessons on the big horse. I didn't even ask my parents but made a time for Saturday morning. DONE.

I ALWAYS wanted to ride the big horses. Never the small ones.

I wanted to tame my fear.

To challenge my courage.

To learn to speak their language so that we would become partners, best friends, mutual caretakers...and so in tune that you would swear there was telepathy going on.

I also wanted to feel the wind in my hair as I galloped my beautiful, athletic horse majestically through the forest or on the beach. But then, safety, so helmets.

The only time I've ridden without a helmet funnily enough was on a half wild horse on a station outside Indulkana near the Northern Territory border in the middle of nowhere. Probably about the unsafest scenario but then you only live once and I wasn't going to miss my chance to ride a half wild horse in the outback and NOT on a trail ride!!!

Having said that, I don't and didn't want a big horse no matter the mental state.

The test of courage, faith, patience, learning, communication and partnership would be that calmness would underlie everything. And so it is now.

My rescue dog is also a case in point. At 25kgs and just above my knee, many people class him a BIG dog. He's not. He doesn't cross that line for another 5kgs or so in most books, and would have to grow taller.

But he IS big if you're used to little dogs, or not used to dogs at all.

Being around horses a lot, he's like a crazy little pony that's obedient to my voice, yet has a hunting instinct for kangaroos, rabbits...and nearly went for a koala making its way to a new tree the other day (thankfully he's pretty obedient and stayed by me).

And I'll admit, I have little patience for people who are scared of things that are bigger than them in life, but I'm one of them at times too.

Like waves in the ocean. I LOVE the ocean. LOVE watching surfing. LOVE being in the water.

But I was knocked out of my Dad's arms as an infant when a wave hit him, and apparently I was 'lost' for about 10 minutes until a stranger came over with me in his arms asking if they were looking for me.

So I think I'm scared of being dumped and being in bigger waves because of that. Maybe if I really put an effort in over a summer I could overcome that.

Then there's Universal energy.

Our own power.

Speaking up for what we believe in - socially, politically...our political views, mistreatment of others, standing up for someone being bullied or marginalised or even, as an example I recall, a friend kind of laughingly pointing out a guy in a bar who was dressed a bit psycho, but it kind of reminded me of my dad with being a bit extravagant for normal people but a crisp sense of colourful style. And I mumbled something like "I don't think it's that bad" and felt piss weak for saying something more like "just because he stands out doesn't mean HE's the weird one in the world".

I often like to challenge myself by throwing myself into situations where I can be tested, where I can see who I am. I think Mum has a few extra grey hairs and definitely had some sleepless nights over the years as I travelled alone for weeks on end or went off and did my own things in life that weren't within the bounds of normal or safe.

But as I said to her many times, it's calculated risks, not reckless risks. SO WORTH IT.

Learn, open your mind, open your heart.

Push yourself.

Walk forward with faith.

OBSERVE LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER EVERYTHING AROUND YOU FROM A NEW PERSPECTIVE.

Maybe I should do a program on that. Super helpful, that one.

Like with horses. I noticed one time one horse was being tetchy and almost like she wanted to kick me or something, which was out of character. About 3 seconds later as I moved around her body, her friend on the other side of her visibly was nipping at her and I realised -

She wasn't trying to hurt me. She was trying to protect me by telling her friend to stop, but not in such a way that I'd get caught in the middle or stepped on. I said thanks and gave her a cuddle.

But from a different perspective she was being a fidget and naughty.

Perspective.

One word.

Powerful difference.

What perspective are YOU taking on what's bigger than you?

How are you looking at YOUR challenges, and how can you look at them differently to get a different RESULT?

Your outcomes depend on your perspective.

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