[satire] Don't start translating romance novels!

Translating historical romances is not all rainbows and glitter unicorns. No! There are actually many drawbacks to this industry. Read on for those exclusive secrets I have gathered during my years in the translation industry.

(oh, and yes, it's a semi-satire as I also speak fluent sarcasm)

Become a literary translator specialised in historical romances and soon...

• You’ll get a series of tropes you hate but still have to work with (Go-Go Enslavement, And Now You Must Marry Me, Bathe Her And Bring Her To Me, I Have You Now My Pretty...)
• ... and you’ll have to justify yourself in an interview when you’re asked about all the situations the author places their female characters in.
• You’ll have to do a lot of research and will learn new things every day. Can you handle learning about medieval architecture, Mexican folktales or Scandinavian baths?
• You’ll argue with your girlfriends that French publishers should have kept the original (and very kitsch) Harlequin covers (and you’ll mean it!)
• You’ll dream you’re married to Fabio (we were buying a house together!!!)
• You’ll be blamed (by men) for women getting themselves assaulted... by men (!!!) (1st rule of misogyny). You know, the classic... "If women stopped reading about heroines being abducted by Vikings, they'd know how to choose better partners".
• You’ll have debates with your editor over the most adequate French translation for “c*ck”, “sh*ft”, “d*ck” (occasionally “member”). And you’ll notice that on the other hand, women always have a “most private place”... What? Her diary?
• You’ll lose hours of work and sleep in order to keep track of scandals rocking the industry... Though I have to say that the court transcripts for the Cockygate hearing were a true delight. Imagine a 70-year-old judge repeating the words “evocative of male prowess” while looking at a series of naked torsos.
• You’ll kiss goodbye to realistic expectations, as some of these men are strong, honourable, good with their children, courageous, sensitive and ready to work on their traumas, rakish but willing to work on their mistakes...
• You’ll marvel over how consenting adults (who met 2 days before) are ready to get it on with various body parts, even if they haven’t bathed in 2 weeks (mind you, bathing almost always leads to various Peeping Tom tropes).
• You’ll discover through the Tiffanygate and the Copyscape scandals that some people are ready to do anything to make money.
• And in that respect, you’ll know that when Nora Roberts writes a blog post, that Khaleesi is gonna slay! (never accuse her of plagiarism, and by the way, “I titled this particular book, wrote this book, turned this book into my publisher nearly a year before her book–a first novel–was published” is one of the greatest takedowns ever written).
• You’ll discover through the collapse of the RWA (Romance Writers of America association) that you were not imagining the racist undertones in some of the older books and in the guidelines for what the covers should look like on some platforms (and since then, many more anecdotes have come out over who gets invited or not, receives awards or not...).
• And unfortunately, you’ll despair at the infiltration of the industry by hardcore porn under the cover of “BDSM”. Reylo was a great eye-opener for me on how perverse fan-fiction platforms had become, and Genevieve Gluck from Women’s Voices confirmed my impressions with her research on sissy porn and the sexual objectification of teens through the publication of "romance" books on bookselling platforms that we all use.

But because I don’t want to end this semi-satire on too serious a note, here is John Cena as the one and only Fabio.

Do you still want to translate romances?

Well, it is awesome, though with a much lower rate per word than the rest of the #xl8 industry. Though however pleasant and engaging some of those books may be, most rely on tropes and are now coming into very close contact (if not merging with) harmful trends coming directly from the porn industry.

So of course, you should become a romance novel translator if it's your passion. Just stay aware!