Why You Should Stop Listening To Others (& Start Listening To Yourself)

The first thing you should know about me is that I'm not you. A lot more will make sense as you read on.

There seems to be no shortage of self-professed experts these days on SM. Everywhere you click, someone is telling you to be kinder, love more, hate less, work harder, not smarter, grow rich quickly, take your time, hurry because time is limited and of course be more grateful.

From exasperated media moguls who appear to talk to everyone yet never let anyone else speak, self-proclaimed monks with questionable marketing, and of course podcasts on greatness led by people who may not be so great.

Everywhere you turn you are being given unsolicited advice by a myriad of personalities and it’s this advice that may be leading many people (including you) down the wrong path.

“Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.” ~ Erica Jong

I’ve been called an “influencer”, “top voice”, “someone to follow” and even an “expert” but never once has any of those titles sat well with me. 

These terms get tossed around like condiments at a restaurant, waiting to be snatched up by some social media savior aiming to perform their magic in the form of spoken word, an online course, or an offer too good to pass up on. 

Buyer beware. 

Sure, these labels may preclude that a person has the reach or the ability to impact another individual, but what if that impact isn’t impactful?

What if this person does more harm than good?

What if you are wasting your time?

Whom do you have to blame?

Before you answer, you can blame your brain for "some" of it. 

Considering you have on average 6000 thoughts a day and the human body sends 11 million bits per second to the brain for processing, and yet your conscious mind seems to only be able to process only 50 bits per second, it’s no wonder shortcuts are taken especially in the form of listening to the wrong people.

Before taking someone's advice, remember the following:

1. They don’t know you as well as you think they do. Any success from the advice they give you is based squarely on the amount they actually know you — the real you, not the person you want them to think you are. Be real about your issues, concerns, and questions. If they are professionals, they will respect it.
2. They are biased. Even people with the best intentions are influenced by their own desires, fears, and ego. Their intention may be pure, but the reasoning is often misaligned.
3. They are telling you what they would do. When people offer you advice, it comes from their experiences, not yours. This inherently poses a problem since you are two different people and the situations will never align 100%.
4. They don’t know what you should do either. Just because they have a strong opinion about you and your situation doesn’t mean they are right. Opinions aren’t facts, remember that.
5. They may be jealous of you. An ugly fact of life that rears its head often and unexpectedly. It’s not pretty, but jealousy exists in all of us and biases the advice you get from certain people about certain situations.

So what should you do? I found some great tips in my research:

Listen To Your Gut 

What is it telling you about the advice you’re hearing? Does it feel uncomfortable because the advice is wrong, or because the advice is right? Do you feel annoyed or defensive? If the advice has you triggered, there's probably something useful to learn.

Consider The Source 

Do they have your best interests at heart? Are they biased about your situation for any reason? Do they understand you and your situation? Has their advice been helpful in the past? Do they have similar values to you? 

Give Yourself Some Time To Process

Distance can provide a much-needed perspective. If you feel you are being pushed to sign up, pay up or show up -- then you probably are. If the opportunity is truly that good, it will be there later.

Get A Second Opinion

And a third. And a fourth. And possibly a fifth. Seek out the advice of people your trust and who care about you. Even if they all agree with the advice you were given, that doesn’t mean it’s right but rather it’s worth considering.

Think About Worst Case Scenario

If all goes bust, are you prepared to handle that emotionally, mentally, financially, and otherwise?

Listen To Your Gut (Again)

Challenging of course but remember that you have more information about what is right for you than anyone else does.

IN SUMMARY:

Some of the best advice I’ve been given: “Don’t take criticism from people you would never go to for advice”

Learning the importance of creating a professional filter is critical. You can't avoid unsolicited opinions, but you can decide which opinions present value.

As a coach, I believe people are naturally creative and resourceful. People typically have the answers or can find them by asking the right questions and getting curious. 

You are the expert on you and even if you don’t know something, nobody can know what’s best for you better than you. So start trusting your gut instincts more and listen to other so-called experts less. So the next time you are about to open your heart, mind, or wallet remember: They’re not you & don’t have to live with the decisions you make, you do. 

The Floor Is Yours: 

How important is trust when doing business with someone new?

Joshua Miller is a Master Certified Executive Coach, who sets up Fortune 500 emerging and senior leaders for future success by upgrading their mindset, skillset, and performance so they can lead with purpose.

??  Follow Joshua Miller For More | Let’s Connect: www.JoshHMiller.com 

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